Poll

Will I win or lose my moot court case?

Malek will lose
4 (8.3%)
Malek will lose and wet his pants
1 (2.1%)
Malek will lose, wet his pants, and shit his pants
0 (0%)
Malek will lose, wet his pants, shit his pants, and then pass out
2 (4.2%)
Malek will lose, wet his pants, shit his pants, and pass out. Then Flannel Girl will laugh at him, go home, and have sex with a real man.
18 (37.5%)
Malek won't even show up, lolz.
12 (25%)
Malek won't even show up after hanging himself using his own necktie.
2 (4.2%)
Malek will be awesome. He'll then take on Ichirou as a client and sue the pants off of mupepe.
9 (18.8%)

Total Members Voted: 43

Author Topic: Malek's Diary-ah  (Read 53087 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Malek's Diary-ah
« on: March 08, 2009, 08:13:26 PM »
I feel confident
« Last Edit: March 22, 2009, 11:28:36 PM by Malek »
AKQ

Oblivion

  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2009, 08:14:23 PM »
What's the case about?

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2009, 08:15:29 PM »
What's the case about?

I never said I prepared.  :lol

Employee case involving a possible breached fiduciary duty.
AKQ

FlameOfCallandor

  • The Walking Dead
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2009, 08:17:46 PM »
If you dont show up you cant lose!

TVC 15

  • all the parties I go to are full of activists
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2009, 08:19:17 PM »
You won't show up.  If you do, I bet you cry in public.
serge

Joe Molotov

  • I'm much more humble than you would understand.
  • Administrator
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #5 on: March 08, 2009, 08:20:21 PM »
You can't spell fiduciary without douche. Something to think about.
©@©™

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #6 on: March 08, 2009, 08:22:24 PM »

If you dont show up you cant lose!

I'd fail the class and get expelled. That may be perceived as a loss.

You won't show up.  If you do, I bet you cry in public.

I don't think I've cried in public since elementary school.
AKQ

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #7 on: March 08, 2009, 08:29:34 PM »
You won't show up.  If you do, I bet you cry in public.

I don't think I've cried in public since elementary school.

Malek is hard

where is the 'Malek will win option'?
NtGay

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #8 on: March 08, 2009, 08:33:11 PM »
You won't show up.  If you do, I bet you cry in public.

I don't think I've cried in public since elementary school.

Malek is hard

where is the 'Malek will win option'?


Keep in mind that I'm rarely out of my apartment. Thus, I've had few opportunities to cry in public.

To be honest, I'd consider the first option a win. If I get through the hour (dear god don't let it be more than an hour), I'll be happy.
AKQ

TVC 15

  • all the parties I go to are full of activists
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2009, 08:35:10 PM »
Why are you even going to law school if your first response to doing something in public is to start crying?  Shouldn't you aspire to things that better fit your skill set?  Envelope stuffing, maybe?
serge

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2009, 08:36:38 PM »
I think it would be more humiliating to wet your pants, pass out and then shit your pants.  That way when you wake up, you get to be told by everyone that you shit your pants after you were out.  If you did it before they would just assume you know you shit yourself and wouldn't feel the need to inform you that you did in fact shit yourself. 
NtGay

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2009, 08:44:55 PM »
White Man, as you've pointed out, I have no marketable skills. I have a decent memory and I can write well, so I've had little difficulty with law exams.

Law isn't necessarily a public job; most lawyers never see the inside of a court-room. I just didn't think my social anxiety was going to be as bad as it's been.

Arvie, thanks for that.
AKQ

Joe Molotov

  • I'm much more humble than you would understand.
  • Administrator
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #12 on: March 08, 2009, 08:51:48 PM »
Father_Mike and Malek are different people, right?
©@©™

Olivia Wilde Homo

  • Proud Kinkshamer
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #13 on: March 08, 2009, 08:53:53 PM »
My money is that you don't show up.

If you do show up, it will be an awkward experience, cementing the fact that you will never see what is under flannel girl's panties.

Just as well, once you get to be a lawyer, all you have to say is "I'm a lawyer" and can get laid that way.
8===D

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #14 on: March 08, 2009, 08:57:56 PM »
White Man, as you've pointed out, I have no marketable skills. I have a decent memory and I can write well, so I've had little difficulty with law exams.

Law isn't necessarily a public job; most lawyers never see the inside of a court-room. I just didn't think my social anxiety was going to be as bad as it's been.

Arvie, thanks for that.

You know I think you will do just fine.  or at least better that you yourself think you will do. 
NtGay

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #15 on: March 08, 2009, 08:58:17 PM »
My money is that you don't show up.

If you do show up, it will be an awkward experience, cementing the fact that you will never see what is under flannel girl's panties.

Just as well, once you get to be a lawyer, all you have to say is "I'm a lawyer" and can get laid that way.

As I wrote earlier, if I don't show up, I flunk the class and, consequently, get flunked out of school.  

Maybe she doesn't wear panties!  :drool

never mind:

spoiler (click to show/hide)
AKQ

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2009, 09:16:26 PM »
what happens if you lose the moot court? do you fail at whatever required it or is it simply something that goes into your file but doesn't hinder your progress at school?

(the fuck is wrong with everyone? why am I the only person who voted "lose only"? smh)

Winning isn't important, but my overall performance is.

I knew you'd believe in me.
AKQ

Olivia Wilde Homo

  • Proud Kinkshamer
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #17 on: March 08, 2009, 09:18:11 PM »
Just do like how they do it on TV:

Saunter in, generally act like a jackass, and yell "Objection!" as loud as possible, so that way the rest of the people in the room know you mean business.  Pretend to be emotionally invested in the case itself, gesticulating wildly to the defendant (or prosecution, whatever).

When in doubt, analyze some semen samples*

* Source: Law and Order, CSI, The Practice
8===D

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2009, 09:24:06 PM »
Just do like how they do it on TV:

Saunter in, generally act like a jackass, and yell "Objection!" as loud as possible, so that way the rest of the people in the room know you mean business.  Pretend to be emotionally invested in the case itself, gesticulating wildly to the defendant (or prosecution, whatever).

When in doubt, analyze some semen samples*

* Source: Law and Order, CSI, The Practice

This case doesn't involve semen; should I bring a sample of my own semen to court?
AKQ

Cormacaroni

  • Poster of the Forever
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2009, 09:25:27 PM »
The line to provide semen samples starts behind me.
vjj

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #20 on: March 08, 2009, 09:28:26 PM »
The line to provide semen samples starts behind me.
I'd prefer to be in the back of that line.  :spin
AKQ

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #21 on: March 08, 2009, 09:34:49 PM »
what happens if you lose the moot court? do you fail at whatever required it or is it simply something that goes into your file but doesn't hinder your progress at school?

(the fuck is wrong with everyone? why am I the only person who voted "lose only"? smh)

Winning isn't important, but my overall performance is.

I knew you'd believe in me.

I just realized I forgot to vote when there wasn't a win option or a mupepe option.  Now two say you will only lose   :)
NtGay

Barry Egan

  • The neurotic is nailed to the cross of his fiction.
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #22 on: March 08, 2009, 09:42:15 PM »
I vote that you show up, but when you have to perform your wires snap and you start reciting your internal monologue instead of your presentation.  Everyone bows their head in shame for you. 

Cheebs

  • How's my posting? Call 1-866-MAF-BANS to report flame bait.
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #23 on: March 08, 2009, 09:50:10 PM »
Wait this is for class? Same class with flannel girl? If you so you are doomed.

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #24 on: March 08, 2009, 10:08:48 PM »
Wait this is for class? Same class with flannel girl? If you so you are doomed.

I think she's arguing a case in another court-room, but I'm not sure. Afterward, she'll probably be at the gala event, which I will be skipping to drink heavily at home. (I'd sure like to see her in a flannel power-suit)
« Last Edit: March 08, 2009, 10:10:33 PM by Malek »
AKQ

Brehvolution

  • Until at last, I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountainside.
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #25 on: March 09, 2009, 12:03:58 AM »
YOU will win without soiling yourself.

©ZH

BlueTsunami

  • The Muffin Man
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #26 on: March 09, 2009, 12:07:08 AM »
Everyone will be watching you as your doing what lawyers do. Everyone will be undressing you with their eyes, judging you, the judge will probably be like the judge from My Cousin Vinny.
:9

muckhole

  • AMBASSADOR
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #27 on: March 09, 2009, 12:18:00 AM »
I'd like to change my vote to the last optoin as well. You've got this thing in the bag.

Keys to victory:

-Yelling every point
-Slamming down large legal textbooks with a bang after every point
-Saying "Objection!" while smarmily rolling the eyes

I'm calling my bookie as we speak.
fek

TVC 15

  • all the parties I go to are full of activists
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #28 on: March 09, 2009, 12:20:32 AM »
I just had a dream where I sexually assaulted you on the court floor.  While you were facing the audience, I frisbied a Dungeon Master's Guide hardcover into your neck, and as you were gasping and dazed, I jumped over the barrier and crushed your nuts with my knee.  I then continued, depantsing you and removing your flannel panties, which you had been wearing to approximate what it must feel like to be the flannel girl.  The whole room was astonished as I did my business with your helpless body, but by the time I finished up, I had the court on my side.  Public opinion of you fell when after being ravaged, poop started leaking out of your ass, and onto the courtroom floor.  It was so gross that nobody would go near you to help you, and in the public's eye, you were more guilty than I was, since I had not left any biological potential-disease vectors when I did my thing.  Then I got in my bitchin' camaro and went and got myself a slice of cherry pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on it.
serge

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #29 on: March 09, 2009, 12:21:07 AM »
Malek needs to shave his beard and get the Phoenix Write hair cut.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
NtGay

Reb

  • Hon. Mr. Tired
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #30 on: March 09, 2009, 01:46:51 AM »
Malek needs to shave his beard and get the Phoenix Write hair cut.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Fuck, I was actually thinking; "why is he talking about himself in third person."


Father_Mike and Malek are different people, right?

:rofl
brb

Propagandhim

  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #31 on: March 09, 2009, 03:49:25 AM »
I BELIEVE IN YOU, MALEK!!!!!

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #32 on: March 10, 2009, 10:16:42 PM »
So I showed up and everything went reasonably well. I developed dry mouth (forgot to add that option) and stumbled a few times, but nothing major. The judge is reserving judgment.

The metal detector to the court house went off as Flannel Girl was going through it. I was about to say "Strip search her!" but managed to shut up. If you're a cute guy, that comment is funny; if you're me, it's creepy.
AKQ

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #33 on: March 10, 2009, 10:19:43 PM »
I didn't go to the gala thing, obviously. I feel very nauseous. Not that I was going to go anyway.
AKQ

Boogie

  • The Smooth Canadian
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #34 on: March 10, 2009, 10:27:38 PM »


The metal detector to the court house went off as Flannel Girl was going through it. I was about to say "Strip search her!" but managed to shut up. If you're a cute guy, that comment is funny; if you're me, it's creepy.

 :lol

I get to bypass the metal detector, of course.  Just a flash of the badge and I'm through. :smug

But yeah, I can sympathize, court is fucking intimidating, and I haven't even testified!  I've just had to show up to give some details to the Crown when required...
MMA

muckhole

  • AMBASSADOR
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #35 on: March 10, 2009, 10:28:25 PM »
Awesome, Malek. Soon you will be my representative in all things parking-ticket related. :cop
fek

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #36 on: March 10, 2009, 10:40:38 PM »


The metal detector to the court house went off as Flannel Girl was going through it. I was about to say "Strip search her!" but managed to shut up. If you're a cute guy, that comment is funny; if you're me, it's creepy.

 :lol

I get to bypass the metal detector, of course.  Just a flash of the badge and I'm through. :smug

But yeah, I can sympathize, court is fucking intimidating, and I haven't even testified!  I've just had to show up to give some details to the Crown when required...

Yeah, I saw you bastards stroll past. During the case I was observing on Monday, A Sergent had to come in just to bring evidence for a boring fraud case.
AKQ

BlueTsunami

  • The Muffin Man
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #37 on: March 10, 2009, 10:43:31 PM »
Malek and Boogie: Team Canada
:9

Boogie

  • The Smooth Canadian
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #38 on: March 10, 2009, 10:43:41 PM »


The metal detector to the court house went off as Flannel Girl was going through it. I was about to say "Strip search her!" but managed to shut up. If you're a cute guy, that comment is funny; if you're me, it's creepy.

 :lol

I get to bypass the metal detector, of course.  Just a flash of the badge and I'm through. :smug

But yeah, I can sympathize, court is fucking intimidating, and I haven't even testified!  I've just had to show up to give some details to the Crown when required...

Yeah, I saw you bastards stroll past. During the case I was observing on Monday, A Sergent had to come in just to bring evidence for a boring fraud case.

RCMP, or Winnipeg police?

My files tend to be more interesting than straight frauds, at least...  :ninja
MMA

Boogie

  • The Smooth Canadian
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #39 on: March 10, 2009, 10:45:09 PM »
Malek and Boogie: Team Canada

That's only if Malek decides to join the Public Prosecution Service of Canada.

I don't know what area of law he wants to get into.

If he ends up becoming a filthy defence lawyer, we shall become sworn enemies...  :starwars
MMA

Joe Molotov

  • I'm much more humble than you would understand.
  • Administrator
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #40 on: March 10, 2009, 10:50:15 PM »
The metal detector to the court house went off as Flannel Girl was going through it. I was about to say "Strip search her!" but managed to shut up. If you're a cute guy, that comment is funny; if you're me, it's creepy.

You should have said it, anyway. Maybe she would have found your awkwardness cute, and could have been in her flannel undies right now.
©@©™

BlueTsunami

  • The Muffin Man
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #41 on: March 10, 2009, 10:52:23 PM »
I wonder if she has flannel undies
:9

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #42 on: March 10, 2009, 10:56:18 PM »
Malek and Boogie: Team Canada

That's only if Malek decides to join the Public Prosecution Service of Canada.

I don't know what area of law he wants to get into.

If he ends up becoming a filthy defence lawyer, we shall become sworn enemies...  :starwars

The defence (defense for you Americans) is an integral part of the justice system.

Obviously I'll be going into whatever field Flannel Girl is getting into.
AKQ

Human Snorenado

  • Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #43 on: March 10, 2009, 10:59:19 PM »
It's a shame she doesn't know how pliable you are- she could easily have a willing lackey for life for the low, low price of an occasional piece of poonanny.
yar

Boogie

  • The Smooth Canadian
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #44 on: March 10, 2009, 11:00:35 PM »
Malek and Boogie: Team Canada

That's only if Malek decides to join the Public Prosecution Service of Canada.

I don't know what area of law he wants to get into.

If he ends up becoming a filthy defence lawyer, we shall become sworn enemies...  :starwars

The defence (defense for you Americans) is an integral part of the justice system.

Obviously I'll be going into whatever field Flannel Girl is getting into.

Integral as it may be.....they're still ze enemy...  :punch
MMA

TVC 15

  • all the parties I go to are full of activists
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #45 on: March 10, 2009, 11:06:07 PM »
I'd be on Boogie's side.  As ceremonial as they make court proceedings seem, in my experiences during a few court cases, it's always the more attractive side that wins, same as in the rest of life.
serge

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #46 on: March 10, 2009, 11:11:24 PM »
It's a shame she doesn't know how pliable you are- she could easily have a willing lackey for life for the low, low price of an occasional piece of poonanny.

Sounds like a fair exchange.

Capitalism wins again, Triumph.
AKQ

Human Snorenado

  • Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #47 on: March 10, 2009, 11:12:43 PM »
It's a shame she doesn't know how pliable you are- she could easily have a willing lackey for life for the low, low price of an occasional piece of poonanny.

Sounds like a fair exchange.

Capitalism wins again, Triumph.

Oh, I agree.  Women don't know how valuable that gash is, or they'd be running things.
yar

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #48 on: March 10, 2009, 11:14:25 PM »
It's a shame she doesn't know how pliable you are- she could easily have a willing lackey for life for the low, low price of an occasional piece of poonanny.

Sounds like a fair exchange.

Capitalism wins again, Triumph.

Oh, I agree.  Women don't know how valuable that gash is, or they'd be running things.

Don't let the secret out. One or two women occasionally view evilbore. They'll tell others.
AKQ

Human Snorenado

  • Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #49 on: March 10, 2009, 11:18:35 PM »
:lol Women can't READ, Malek.  COME ON.
yar

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #50 on: March 10, 2009, 11:21:52 PM »
:lol Women can't READ, Malek.  COME ON.

that is sexist. And once Flannel Girl and I study feminist legal theory and get our law degrees, we will sue your ass.
AKQ

Human Snorenado

  • Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #51 on: March 10, 2009, 11:25:29 PM »
:lol Women can't READ, Malek.  COME ON.

that is sexist. And once Flannel Girl and I study feminist legal theory and get our law degrees, we will sue your ass.

We Americans aren't bound by your stoopit made up Canadian "laws", Malek.  You and Flannel Girl better not let the sun set on your asses in Freedom lovin' Amurrika.
yar

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #52 on: March 10, 2009, 11:28:23 PM »
mmmm flannel girl's ass.  :drool
AKQ

Boogie

  • The Smooth Canadian
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #53 on: March 10, 2009, 11:30:55 PM »
:lol Women can't READ, Malek.  COME ON.

that is sexist. And once Flannel Girl and I study feminist legal theory and get our law degrees, we will sue your ass.

"Feminist legal theory"?

Eww.
MMA

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #54 on: March 10, 2009, 11:34:16 PM »
She doesn't seem the type. But I'll follow her anywhere.

Please don't arrest me boogie.
AKQ

Boogie

  • The Smooth Canadian
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #55 on: March 10, 2009, 11:38:34 PM »
She doesn't seem the type. But I'll follow her anywhere.

Please don't arrest me boogie.

wait, feminist legal theory....in Manitoba....

Tell me this isn't being taught by Elizabeth Comack...
MMA

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #56 on: March 10, 2009, 11:40:47 PM »
I was joking dude. And I don't believe she's in the law faculty.
AKQ

Boogie

  • The Smooth Canadian
  • Icon
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #57 on: March 10, 2009, 11:42:44 PM »
I was joking dude. And I don't believe she's in the law faculty.

Well, fine then.

And I guess I won't arrest you.  For now.
MMA

Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #58 on: March 10, 2009, 11:45:54 PM »
Arrest Flannel Girl; she stole my heart.

 :tomato

 :-\

 :gloomy
AKQ

BlueTsunami

  • The Muffin Man
  • Senior Member
Re: Will I win or lose my moot court case?
« Reply #59 on: March 10, 2009, 11:47:17 PM »
:9