I was incredibly bored this weekend, so I entertained this fly-by-night "consulting" group (and pleasured myself) by going to two/three! different interviews.
They advertised themselves as a marketing and sales consulting firm, but really they just do business to business sales with uverse. You know the type, commission only, all travel, no benefits. They (him?) have multiple listings on every job site with different job titles. Anyway, they(her?) called me and the shitty office park it was located at, behind the red lobster
, was nearby costco so why not.
I tried my best, to be shitty, I really did. Poorly formatted resume, two pages in fact when it could clearly could have fit on one, typos, etc. I even changed my name from the first one to the second one I printed! I came in with shirts and pants that didn't fit (losing weight boooooooooys) and a horrendous tie knot. I mean it wasn't straight nor was it long enough. My socks had clearly visible holes nor were my shoes polished. I looked like shit,well as shitty as I can possibly be considering I do have a gorgeous face.
Interview one was five minutes with a weasel faced mother fucker. He literally told me nothing about the company, and my eyes glazed over as verbose corporate leet speak oozed out of his
fucking face. So naturally I said yes when he told me to come in for another HOUR interview. He didn't ask me anything about what I did or why I want to sell things. It was just things at this point. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SELL. AM I CONSULTING< TRAINING WHAT IS Happening
Round two: I met with a top sales member (I thought it was consulting or something>) and when I saw him, I actually felt shitty this time. His suit didn't fit either, and I don't think on purpose. He was also really short, tragic. He opens also with this sob story about his family and working and stuff. I told him too I want to provide for my family. Side note, I run a family business with my Dad. I am not poor. I do not need this job.I do provide. They didn't even ask about it, I put it on the second fake resume! Plot twist I am a broker, I actually sell things. After talking about the importance of the nuclear family, he whips out a shitty pornographic and talks about how in six month I can have my own corner office and 4 stupid fucks to abuse so I can get their commissions. Maybe If I can convince enough gullible people, the chronic unemployed, and actually desperate people, I too could make 50K. The commission structure was abusive and absurd. Giving the hours they wanted, If I didn't sell I would make well below minimum wage or you know, nothing. Working for free really, and if I do sell, most of it doesn't go to me. It's the American dream.
Third interview is where I met weasel face where he confirms I wouldn't get befits or salary or a corner office. So naturally after again, not going over my credentials at all asks if I can start tomorrow. I said yes (
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