Had an extremely TVC night last night. I was at my usual place drinking with the regulars. Some people from my old place of work dropped by and the party was even bigger. I was downing rum shots like a madman. Me and the waitress started hitting on each other. I don't know what happened next, but the next thing I know I'm waking up on the toilet in the stall and I had vomited everywhere in my sleep, all over my crotch and pants, all over the goddamn floor. It was chunky from hash browns and I think there was some blood mixed in, too (I didn't have any bright red drinks at all that night). The stall door was wide open. I start vomiting even more just from the sight of it all. At no point did I turn around and vomit in the toilet, of course, because I'm drunk and can't figure that out, but also because it just keeps coming out of me uncontrollably, so I just keep vomiting into my lap. Once I can move for three seconds without expulsing the contents of my stomach I go to get some toilet paper and the stall is fresh out. So I walk out and get some paper towels from the dispenser. I go to start cleaning myself up. But I'm drunk and I can't really see where the vomit is and where the vomit isn't, just the big chunks, so the task is hopeless and I give up after just a few minutes.
I stumble back out into the bar and everyone is gone except for the bartender and one random patron. It's a 24 hour bar so I have no idea what time it is, but it's probably around 2 or 3AM. I walk up to the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom immediately. He comes back out after two minutes. My pants are still visibly soaking in vomit and I don't know how I smell but it must be bad.
"I'd like to close my tab, please."
"You already closed out. You're all set!" He's got his typical big goofy smile on. He was right, I had, and I still had the receipt in my wallet.
"Oh. Ok. Goodnight, then."
"Goodnight."
I have no idea how many people must have seen me there like that. I don't know why no one tried to wake me up in the hours I had occupied the only stall in a full bar. Maybe they had tried and it was impossible. I walked home and threw up several more times along the side of the road intermittently. Someone honked. When I got home I took off my clothes and fell asleep immediately. When I woke up today I remembered I hadn't tipped the bartender anything.