Okay, let's try this: Ya ya, TL:DR. Gets better closer to the end when I start to lost my shit at an obvious bot:
Susane: Hi, my name is Susane. How may I help you?
Boogie: Hi
Boogie: This is sort of a multi-stage problem
Susane: Hello there .
Boogie: I just purchased a new gaming computer today
Susane: All right.
Boogie: I had already owned a physical copy of Mass Effect 1
Boogie: I tried to install it on my new computer. The installation went all the way through to completion
Susane: Are you getting any error message?
Boogie: but I could not play the game, trying to boot it up would result in an error for, I think "autolauncher.exe". I uninstalled and reinstalled the game multiple times
Boogie: I guessed that it might be some sort of problem with my disk (though it worked on my old computer)
Boogie: I then, tonight, purchased a digital download copy of the game.
Boogie: downloaded it for 5 hours. Then clicked install
Susane: All right.
Boogie: the install fails at about 75 percent complete, at, I think "saferun.exe"
Boogie: it would be an understatement to say I am unhappy at these developments
Boogie: since I have now purchased the same game twice, and neither "version" will work on my new computer
Susane: I understand the inconvenience you have experienced. I would appreciate if you could please stay online, while I research the issue further.
Boogie: 'kay
Susane: Thank you.
Susane: Thank you for your time and patience.
Boogie: I'm trying hard to suppress my sarcastic nature, but: is the delay indicative of a pending unsatisfactory response to my inquiry?
Susane: I do apologize for the delay in get back to your message. Please know that we are receiving contacts in high volume which is not normal.
Boogie: especialy since I received a cookie-cutter response the moment I started to type in this field.
Boogie: plus that one. I am not an idiot. I can recognize boilerplate when I see it.
Susane: I have looked into your issue. saferun.exe serves as a common process denoting an executable program in the Microsoft Windows operating systems. saferun.exe is an essential component of windows operating system which located in C:\windows\system32. saferun.exe error is caused by program confliction within the related file. It is the most common executable files because it is used to run programs, so it can be used as a malicious delivery system for adware, spyware and malware.
Boogie: that.....did absolutely nothing to solve my problem.
Boogie: are you a real person?
Susane: Yes, I am real person.
Boogie: I'm shortly going to demand a phone number to talk with a real human being. Even if one is only available tomorrow, or Monday
Boogie: then could you give me a real response?
Susane: Please stay online I will try my best to resolve your issue now.
Boogie: oh great. four boilerplate responses in a row.
Boogie: I'd like a phone number, please
Boogie: I purchased a game that will not install.
Boogie: I either want it to work, or I want my money back.
Susane: If you want to contact us by calling then you can call 650-628-1001, this service is available between 8AM PST till 5 PM PST.
Susane: I have looked into your issue, and found a link that contains the information related to your issue, please visit the below link:
http://www.fixexeproblems.com/file/saferun.exe.html Boogie: well, that was predictable. I type in "phone number" and you spit out a script.
Boogie: gawdammmit
Boogie: hey susane, what's your middle name?
Boogie: or: ask for my middle name.
Susane: Could you please provide me your middle name Boogie ?
Boogie: that is not the way a human being would frame that question.
Boogie: My middle name is Carter, and fuck you.
Susane: Do you wish to get refund for your game purchased ?
Boogie: I wish for my purchased game to WORK
Boogie: and I wish to talk to a real HUMAN BEING
Susane: I understand your frutration over this issue. I am a real person and I would suggest you to please visit the link provided by me and try to perform those steps
Boogie: once more: I am not an idiot. I'm a gawdamned Mountie. I can recognize a script when I see one. What's your favourite TV show?
Boogie: once more: I am not an idiot. I'm a gawdamned Mountie. I can recognize a script when I see one. What's your favourite TV show?
Susane: WWE night Raw.
Boogie: you have got to be kidding me
Susane: You purchased the game and really wish to play it. so please try to perform the steps provided by me and let me know if your issue resolved.
Boogie: so, what is the most recent, newsworthy development on WWE monday night RAW?
Susane: I would request you to please be on game issue and let me know if you have any issue or query related to game.
Boogie: Fuck you and your little dog too