Couple of things about my dating status:
Date #2 went fine. It's interesting how it made me aware of several things about Girl #1 through interacting with Girl #2. See I don't talk to women like...ever. So it took talking to another girl to realize certain things. For one, I always thought that girl #1 was extroverted, energetic, outgoing, and conversational. Maybe because her e-mails were always lengthy and fun as are her facebook posts. But in our conversations, even though I would TRY to stick to the golden rule of let the girl do the talking 75% of the time and then talk 25%, whenever I would talk with girl #1 I'd be talking 95% of the time and she would barely have anything to say. I thought I was just fucking it up. But with girl #2 tonight, she would talk ALL THE TIME and then I'd talk a little and then she would talk and it was 25% me, 75% her and it was like "oh, this is how it normally works". So yeah, I've realized that girl #1 is not very open; even though she tells me that she is being 100% blunt and straightforward and telling me exactly how she feels...I dunno, she's extremely closed about things so I really don't know.
Second of all, in my mind I think the issue with girl #1 is that she has proximity issues, as in she is afraid to let anyone in (emotionally, not literally cause uhhhh...yeah). She has lots of "friends" but she says she doesn't see them often and even her best friend she barely sees and that she is "more of a loner" and that what she is telling me about how she just "doesn't feel like I would be a close person to her" she says that is how she feels about most guys. So it seems to me like something happened at some point, and she put up THE GREAT FUCKING WALL OF CHINA and decided it was better to be the emotionless robot and not let anyone close and just physically fuck when it feels right without emotion. I think this is my problem; I am ramming the wall of china with a Popsicle stick and I need a freaking NUCLEAR MISSILE.
Finally, I got a message from her when I came back tonight. Tbh I was DEATHLY AFRAID to open it because the way I was reading it, her communicating ANYTHING to me within 24 hours of what happened last night could be none other than "I've thought about it and I realized we shouldn't see each other ever again". But uh, the e-mail was....interesting. Like her previous e-mails it is very, very unreadable on an emotional level. Lots of smiles, lots of "that's reallllly tempting", lots of "life is complicated now and I'm afraid to make it more complicated" and lots of thank yous and winks and totally indecisive answers on everything. That's been A LOT of e-mails/messages from her when it comes to serious talking; never get a yes/no answer, always "hmmmmm that would be reaaaaally nice
but I dunnoooooooo it doesn't seem like a good ideaaaaaa..."; Feels like teasing or playing around or something, though I don't think it's intentional at all. But yeah, uhhhh, the tone of the e-mail makes it sound like we just back exactly where we were; it's like the king of indecision relationship; you go maaaaybeeeee, then you sex, then you go I dunnnoooo, and then you go maaayyybeeee and it just runs in circles. I seriously think she's not doing this on purpose, but it just goes to emotional issues that she has. I have NO IDEA what happened, but something must have happened growing up because this isn't natural. Otoh, it sort of feels like if I can help her get past her issues, and have her open up emotionally, I could still have a chance....; naive, stupid, but I'm probably the most persistent motherfucker you'll ever meet. I get determined with a goal in mind and get to that goal even if it takes forever and is a path of needles.
As for Girl #2, the date was alright. I didn't feel super positive or negative about it. She packages and ships giant dildos and anal beads for a living, and that certainly made the conversation kind of interesting.... ^^; I wouldn't mind seeing her again, but I dunno if there's anything in this.
