It's 20XX and people are mad online about Star War!

[benjipwns]

it's more like being told a story by your kid. you don't grill your 8 year old on why the evil man who was thrown down a hole into the exploding core of a space station is still alive and able to build a giant fleet of spaceships on his own from his secret planet, because you'd be an idiot to expect a proper answer.

THE HELL I DON'T

[Himu]

The video from the Twitter clip

This video:

This title crawl explains that Coruscant was attacked and Palpatine was kidnapped!...off screen.  What the fuck, man?  Now yeah, you're supposed to watch the Clone Wars cartoon to see that stuff happening, and it's really cool in that show.  But come the fuck on dude, if I'm showing someone these movies for the first time this is the dumbest shit ever.  This incredibly significant event is just not shown at all.  Honestly, that would've been a really fucking cool intro to the movie.

 

there are now two completely separate instances of really significant events involving Palpatine being stated in the opening text crawl, but left out of the movie because it occurred off-screen in spinoff entertainment media

Ah yes. Star wars excluding stories to tell them off screen. Tell tale sign of a franchise that isn't crap.

[benjipwns]

For The Last Jedi, Disney wouldn't let the actors have the entire script and they had to return the pages at the end of the day for them, each one was watermarked, and each script had an assigned staffer. They used umbrellas and hoods to obscure any possible drones flying over to take script photos.

For The Rise of the Skywalker, John Boyega leaves a script under a hotel room bed and nobody cares and it becomes part of the PR tour, the entire plot is leaked months in advance and the defense that it's not the plot is "nobody could make something this stupid and get away with it", and then the day of the reviews Disney takes hours to get around to striking down all the cam clips all over the Internet including whole ten minute clips sitting on the front of YouTube/Reddit/Twitter/etc. Cams appear to have been shot fairly openly at press screenings.

 

[Occam]

53
https://www.metacritic.com/movie/star-wars-episode-ix---the-rise-of-skywalker

That's glorious. Glad I wasn't suckered into giving Disney any more money.

[benjipwns]

The Emperor stuff is all from the EU basically. It's almost literally how he came back then only shortened up to fit into the first ten minutes of a single movie rather than multiple story-arcs.

[benjipwns]

I thank JJ for helping me to learn why people were apparently mad about The Last Jedi this entire time though, I thought it was just because it was colored beautifully yet as boring and as stupid as TFA, but apparently it was "offensive" and "subversive" because of a line I assumed was Kylo just trying to piss off Rey that everyone took as some kind of BIG LORE THAT BROKE NEW GROUND. To which JJ returned and said "nah" and everyone jointly hates him for!

[bluemax]

I wonder if they'll back out of the Obi Wan series like they dropped extra films after TLJ response.

Ironically, Obi Wan might really be their only hope to salvage the franchise

The Mandalorian is doing pretty good, isn’t it? And Star Wars Fallen Order seems to be way more beloved than Battlefront.

They may trying just focusing in transition Eras rather than deal with the film timelines.

The Mandalorian sucks but people love baby Yoda.

Revenge Of The Sith is at 80% on there?? 

That's some garbo shit.

A lot of non nerds really liked it. Especially film critic types with no affinity for the old movies.

https://twitter.com/xBrandonGPx/status/1206634795842883584

Nicholas Winding Refn was inspired by this for an episode of Too Old To Die Young.

[Boredfrom]

The Emperor stuff is all from the EU basically. It's almost literally how he came back then only shortened up to fit into the first ten minutes of a single movie rather than multiple story-arcs.

But at least it ended with a lightsaber fight with Luke and a rejuvenated Palpatine. Feels more fitting than Rey going full shonen hero.

[Tasty]

The Emperor stuff is all from the EU basically. It's almost literally how he came back then only shortened up to fit into the first ten minutes of a single movie rather than multiple story-arcs.

Eh Palps in the EU was usually a clone right? Or that's what I remember. And this one very (almost conspicuously) explicitly isn't.

[Akala]

I got pushed into seeing it tonight and while there were more than a few eyeroll/LOL moments, it was better than the previous two or IMO anything in the prequels. Full disclosure I went in buzzing and had sea-level expectations.

I wouldn't call it good, but would put it just behind Jedi/R1 in nerdscale.

[benjipwns]

Eh Palps in the EU was usually a clone right? Or that's what I remember. And this one very (almost conspicuously) explicitly isn't.

JJ doesn't seem like a big "text reader" if you know what I mean. I'd have to look at Dark Empire again since it's been decade plus but the shots of Kylo entering the darkened room of clones felt like a Snyder panel revisualization.

Now I won't suggest that Palpatine's half corpse on the arm was JJ trying to one-up the sexy reveal of the Borg Queen but I'm going to make that head canon and no one can stop me.

[team filler]

a mute maul would have been p cool

[NekoFever]

There’s a part where they land on one of the three desert planets in this movie, walk around a rock, and are surprised to see a huge festival going on (the shot is in one of the trailers). It’s like, how did you miss that when you flew in and landed the Falcon about 100 feet away?

Also hyperdrive has gone from something that ain’t like dusting crops, boy, to Poe randomly flipping a switch in the Falcon repeatedly while inside buildings and coming out in a forest or bearing down on a giant space monster.

Bearing in mind that we established lightspeed ramming in the last one (something else that’s referred to in dialogue and shot down as a stupid idea for the TLJ fans), they literally lightspeed the Falcon through a wall to escape in this one.

The more I think about it the more I stand by the bad video game comparison. It’s extremely stupid.

[Kara]

Remember when Grievius was a OP Jedi killer and in Revenge of the Sith he got killed by a blaster while coughing?

This was when Lucas was in charge. Now imagine a giant corporation that could care even less than him.

He isn't even that badass in Clone Wars.

[TVC15]

What a flopza. I bet we see Disney try to remake A New Hope within the next decade in an attempt to salvage the franchise.

[daemon]

Remember when Grievius was a OP Jedi killer and in Revenge of the Sith he got killed by a blaster while coughing?

This was when Lucas was in charge. Now imagine a giant corporation that could care even less than him.

What happened was getting force crushed by Windu on the last episode of the cartoon clone wars, giving him that cough and handicapping him.



Also, i'd like to see how you make a 4 arms spinning crazy cyborg work in the big screen when the one fighting him is fighting an invisible enemy. If they both were CG with current technology, it could work I guess.

The error was making an enemy that couldn't be a greenscreen person alone, making a fluid fight with a martial arts specialist.

[Nintex]

What a flopza. I bet we see Disney try to remake A New Hope within the next decade in an attempt to salvage the franchise.

The future of Star Wars is TV series, games, toys, licensing and smaller scale "Story" movies like we had with Solo and Rogue One.
I think the time to pretend it was about the movies is officially over and unlike the prequel-era, you can now have Star Wars products stand on their own without the need of a movie to back them up.

The reception to the Mandalorian is mostly positive, The Fallen Order also did well. EA even salvaged Star Wars Battlefront II after hundreds of updates.
The end of the Skywalker Saga is also the end of the movie trilogies.

[Momo]

Worst movie I've seen in my life.

after some of the stuff we watched together

[Tasty]

What a flopza. I bet we see Disney try to remake A New Hope within the next decade in an attempt to salvage the franchise.

You really think they'd make TFA again?

[ToxicAdam]

People would totally watch an animated re-imagining of A New Hope.

[Tasty]

People would totally watch an animated re-imagining of A New Hope.

Disney's been dabbling.

https://www.polygon.com/2018/11/30/18119905/star-wars-trilogy-animated-shorts

[bork]

Get some big-name animu studio or Pixar to do it and get that money.

[Boredfrom]

Remember when Grievius was a OP Jedi killer and in Revenge of the Sith he got killed by a blaster while coughing?

This was when Lucas was in charge. Now imagine a giant corporation that could care even less than him.

He isn't even that badass in Clone Wars.

The 2D or the 3D series?  I have not seen the 3D series.

[toku]

https://twitter.com/Worthikids/status/1207871672029712390

[benjipwns]

https://twitter.com/JennyENicholson/status/1207933233205170182

[Tasty]

https://twitter.com/JennyENicholson/status/1207963528029601793

[I'm a Puppy!]

Saw the movie. Really the issues with it aren’t so much the movie but the fact that Kathleen Kennedy can’t plan a trilogy worth shit. She essentially gave the team a bunch of threads and was like “tie these all off in one movie” of course it’s gonna fail.  Her ass should be soo fired

[Tasty]

[Nintex]

Writers:

TFA
Michael Arndt
Lawrence Kasdan
J.J. Abrams

TLJ
Rian Johnson

TROS
Derek Connolly
Colin Trevorrow   
Chris Terrio
J.J. Abrams


Something tells me that if Michael Arndt and Lawrence Kasdan had written all 3 films it wouldn't have been such a m e s s .

[Freyj]

I would classify this as a bigger messier dumber Jedi that replaces Ewoking with fetch questing that is whatever as flashy set pieces that work ok if you turn your brain off and treat it like the theme park attraction that it is.

It’s everything you would expect of a production by JJ Abrams combined with the monumental mess of trying to figure out what to do with the final film in a trilogy where the second film in the trilogy took an enormous shit, shrugged and fucked off into the sunset.

And yeah, you’re the corporation that owns 60% of the world take a few days to put some people in charge of figuring out what you’re going to do with all three (3!) films in the next trilogy of a four billion dollar franchise. I really don’t consider this any better or worse than 90-95% of the Marvel movies that manage a RT of 94% outside of the fact that someone’s at the helm of the Marvel shit.

[Freyj]

Also maybe put the brakes on the whole production when you literally pass the baton to the next guy and his first reaction is to look at the baton, fart and chuck it into the sea.

Hard to understate the damage TLJ did to a seemingly unstoppable money printing machine.

[Freyj]

How do you know he farted tho

[Nintex]

Poor JJ. After all the pieces he put into place at the end of TFA, Johnson left him with 12 rebels, an awkward love angle that made no sense and characters with no missions or motivations.
I wonder if you can just skip TLJ and do TFA -> TROS and not notice any difference.

[Kara]

The Force Awakens killed off the entire New Republic in a scene that had no weight whatsoever and saddled us with some dumbass apolitical foco outfit to #resist a healthy Imperial remnant.

s2g that 2.5 hour Zeta Gundam episode--and the ensuing Kulturkampf---broke y'all's brains.

[Tasty]

I wonder if you can just skip TLJ and do TFA -> TROS and not notice any difference.

Mark Kermode seemed to imply you could in his review.

Also "Poor JJ" LMAO dude has conglomerates throwing cash at him left and right no matter how fractured his attention has been. Universal basically had to sit and spin while he fucked around with Star Wars since they didn't have the clout/balls to tell him to fuck off after he literally defected to a competitor in violation of a deal he signed.

Same shit repeated with the Game of Thrones wastoids going with who offered the biggest handout (first it was Disney, but Netflix offered more soooo goodbye Mouse.)

[Akala]

why didn't they just (have droids) light speed kamikaze the final order fleet tho

[Huff]

Saw the movie. Really the issues with it aren’t so much the movie but the fact that Kathleen Kennedy can’t plan a trilogy worth shit. She essentially gave the team a bunch of threads and was like “tie these all off in one movie” of course it’s gonna fail.  Her ass should be soo fired

Yeah I mostly agree with this. How do you successfully bring together a trilogy that was also written randomly and then also find closure in a nine movie series.

There were some decent parts and some LOLworthy parts.

This trilogy was just as bad as the prequels but also ruins the characters of the first 3 movies. None of the cast is all that likable. Just meh all around

[daemon]

I see people saying Ryan took risks and JJ played it safe.

if by taking risks we talk about sidetracking in a casino not to find anything worthwhile (unlike pod racers and uh... the fucking chosen one), destroying the lore of how hyperspeed works (at least make up the excuse it was a prototype ship and they found a way to make it resist a certain amount of time within the jump to become a weapon), killing a villain that was never compelling to begin with (Why the fuck does his name sound like it's a fucking pillow brand, at least be Darth Syphilis or Darth Krokodil), supposedly killing Leia (a great scene of how Kylo tries to be something he's not and it happens anyways), but only to have her fucking "Poochie back to home planet" back into the ship... okay, RISKS.

[Himu]

RISK

backtracking and going back to the status quo

wow how risky

CHANGE MY MIND: Kylo and Rey should have teamed up in TLJ to become a neutral, grey faction and the final movie would be about their downfall.

[Himu]

i really want to watch them force fuck

can kylo edge by using the force?

[Uncle]

I wonder if you can just skip TLJ and do TFA -> TROS and not notice any difference.

rey goes to hand a lightsaber to luke and then immediately afterward leia is training her instead because apparently luke died somehow

rey appears to know this pilot guy even though she's never met him before

all of a sudden another girl is traveling with the party but oddly given nothing to do

[Tasty]

Kylo and Rey should have had a Force fuck session in TLJ and the final movie would be about their weird tantric intergalactic edging sessions.

That's kinda how Buffy season 8 ended and it was a ridiculous mess then too.

[Uncle]

I see people saying Ryan took risks and JJ played it safe.

if by taking risks we talk about sidetracking in a casino not to find anything worthwhile (unlike pod racers and uh... the fucking chosen one), destroying the lore of how hyperspeed works (at least make up the excuse it was a prototype ship and they found a way to make it resist a certain amount of time within the jump to become a weapon), killing a villain that was never compelling to begin with (Why the fuck does his name sound like it's a fucking pillow brand, at least be Darth Syphilis or Darth Krokodil), supposedly killing Leia (a great scene of how Kylo tries to be something he's not and it happens anyways), but only to have her fucking "Poochie back to home planet" back into the ship... okay, RISKS.

if rise of skywalker is a critical bomb and if nothing else divisive among fans, that doesn't sound like he played it safe to me

if it was safe it would've succeeded

But Skywalker sounds like it not only yeets TLJ, but also makes all 8 movies (or 10, I guess) that came before it pointless.

oh fuck it's mass effect 3 

[Pissy F Benny]

If there’s a streaming link to a cam any one knows of dm me bb 

[Himu]

the sequel trilogy may suffer from a lack of horny, but this thread sure doesn't.

I took full body pics today. In the nude of course to properly capture my cuts and leg muscles as well. Should I post them?

YES

[thisismyusername]

If there’s a streaming link to a cam any one knows of dm me bb 

I've got a streaming cam for you, right here.

Just wait for the camrip to hit torrents, dude.

the sequel trilogy may suffer from a lack of horny, but this thread sure doesn't.

I took full body pics today. In the nude of course to properly capture my cuts and leg muscles as well. Should I post them?

If you're showing hog, PM it so I don't miss it like I missed Rah's. As EvilBore's resident Dickimon Master(TM) ya'll should know this by now.

[Freyj]

today is a real bad day on my TL for the people who've spent the last two years defining their personalities by being outraged @ other people's reaction to TLJ

[Nintex]

Watched EP4 of the Mandalorian.

Jon Favreau gets it. Hell, his rendition of Star Wars with all the rituals, myths, factions and baby yoda might be even better then what Lucas originally came up with.
He took the series in interesting new directions while staying true to the source material.

Maybe he should be the Kevin Feige of Star Wars, in any case yeet Kathleen into a bottomless pit of unemployment. 

[thisismyusername]

I wonder if you can just skip TLJ and do TFA -> TROS and not notice any difference.

The only thing you miss is Luke's "death" (lol). TLJ is a fucking insult to viewers, Star Wars fan or not (<---I'm in this camp).

It's fucking plot points beyond Rey's training and her meeting Kylo could safely be yeet'd out the airlock and nothing would change.

"BUT PEOPLE HATE ROSE BECAUSE  SHE'S UGLY!"

Nah, I "hate"/dislike Rose because she added nothing to the movie. You could yeet her out of the movie and have Poe there for FinnPoe/Stormpilot shippers and the fucking casino heist shit would've been just as useless.

But hey, it gave us Leia using the Force to survive the vacuum of Space, so it's not ALL bad...

[Nintex]

I wonder if you can just skip TLJ and do TFA -> TROS and not notice any difference.

The only thing you miss is Luke's "death" (lol). TLJ is a fucking insult to viewers, Star Wars fan or not (<---I'm in this camp).

It's fucking plot points beyond Rey's training and her meeting Kylo could safely be yeet'd out the airlock and nothing would change.

"BUT PEOPLE HATE ROSE BECAUSE  SHE'S UGLY!"

Nah, I "hate"/dislike Rose because she added nothing to the movie. You could yeet her out of the movie and have Poe there for FinnPoe/Stormpilot shippers and the fucking casino heist shit would've been just as useless.

But hey, it gave us Leia using the Force to survive the vacuum of Space, so it's not ALL bad...

Rey wasn't even trained. That's the weird shit about it. Luke refused to properly train her so she just went ahead and did her morning routines herself.
Even within the confinements of the movie itself the events that happen don't make any fucking sense.

None of the casting choices make sense either. You cast Benicio Del Toro, possibly the best choice for a bounty hunter character but you turn him into a stuttering code breaker instead, a role easily filled by I dunno, Simon Pegg?
It's like no one told Rian he was working on a Star Wars movie and they CG edited the Star Wars things in later

[thisismyusername]

Also maybe put the brakes on the whole production when you literally pass the baton to the next guy and his first reaction is to look at the baton, fart and chuck it into the sea.

Hard to understate the damage TLJ did to a seemingly unstoppable money printing machine.

B-B-But Rain On My Johnson made KNIVES OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Proof that indie directors are good for their art-house films, but not for blockbuster films.

[thisismyusername]

Looper was pretty cool. Star Wars is just a void sucking up any sort of creativity. Where "let the past die" gets reactions of "wow so profound and new"

I'm not saying he's a bad director (unlike Refn, fuck him. I hate all the films I've seen bar 1-2 from him), just he's not fit for a multi-billion dollar franchise.

That's the thing: A lot of director's want to do their own things but movie houses (Disney, Sony, et. al.) hire them to do these multi-billion dollar franchises before they can do their own shit.

It's why Cappola or however his name is spelled is pissed: The industry is so risk adverse now a days that it's IMPOSSIBLE for something like Knives Out to happen unless you do a Last Jedi.

Johnson just did it and clearly showed his ass as a "I didn't want to do this but was forced to do it so I could do my art-house project" shit.

[thisismyusername]

I won't post hog pics but I might post censored pics idk

I told you to post hog in PM, that'll avoid the Rah ban.

Coward. :p

[Tasty]

In the original movies luke did a couple pushups in the swamp and that allowed him to compete on equal terms with one of the strongest force user of all time so?

He got his ass handed to him at the end of the movie just like Yoda predicted

And he got his ass handed to him a bunch of times

[thisismyusername]

They can't do long training montages, Esch.

Like, if Star Wars 1 had them going to Jedi Training, 2 was still training, and 3 was them kicking ass of the big-bad down the block, while that would make narrative sense it wouldn't be "fun" films to watch.

Just like the empire getting set up for a war situation should be more drawn out but isn't because "muh time."

[Tasty]

Three weeks of swamp pushups saved him from someone who killed jedis who trained their entire life for fun

Skywalker lineage

Also Vader was holding back on Luke because he knew the truth and Luke didn't yet.

[MMaRsu]

dafuq

[thisismyusername]

no hog

COWARD!!!!!!!!!

Limited time only

OwO Pogi annihilated.

What is your training regimen, Stro?

[benjipwns]

Bold of you to dismiss the gravest political event since Gamergate.

SINCE? IT'S ALL CONNECTED, GAMERGATE WAS THE TEST RUN FOR TRUMP WHICH WAS THE TEST RUN FOR ATTACKING THE LAST JEDI, WATCH THIS THREE HOUR VIDEO AND YOU'LL UNDERSTAND,

[benjipwns]