Struggle Thread mk II - No one likes us, we don't care

[Madrun Badrun]

Sorry buddy

[CatsCatsCats]

😢

[nachobro]

She went peacefully and with a belly full of treats. Only had three years with her but words can't say how much I'll miss her. RIP.

[Bebpo]

So I just fucked up real bad in data management

Ok, so I'm on iOS, have all my photos (~15,000), contacts, paid apps, etc..., this is linked to AppleID Example A ("Old Email")
Now Old Email is actually tied to an old gmail account gmail locked years ago and doesn't receive new emails
my main email I use for all my stuff is Example B ("Real Email")

Now this started because fucking Marvel Unlimited changed their login on the IOS reader app from username/password to email/password. My marvel unlimited account is web-based an Real Email.

I thought this might be because Old Email and Real Email don't match so it logs me in but doesn't think I subscribe to Marvel Unlimited.


So I figured I'd do what has been a long time in coming and fix my AppleID from Old Email to Real Email since it's never been great that the email associated with my AppleID doesn't actually work.

I went to change my AppleID but it wouldn't let me change my AppleID from Old Email to Real Email because the Real Email was some throwaway Apple account I had decades ago that I never used.


So I figured I'd delete whatever throwaway account is attached to Real Email, free it up and then change my AppleID from Old Email to Real Email and then everything would be 1:1 and hopefully the Marvel Unlimited app issue would fix. I go through the steps to delete the account associated with Real Email and it tells me a 12 digit access code that is super important to write down and me being dumb figured there's no reason I'd ever need to recover the throwaway account associated with Real Email so I just copy and pasted it and never wrote it down.

Everything seems fine until I try using my Old Email main account and it is locked and nothing works. I call Apple Support.

Somehow between the pages of being logged into the throwaway account on Real Email and the privacy deletion account, cookies or someshit logged into my main account associated to Old Email and deleted that and I didn't write down the access code.

Spent almost 2 hours on the phone with Apple Support trying everything in the book but no luck or idea how to stop the account from being deleted. So in a few days I'm gonna lose all my photos for the last 5 or so years that I haven't backed up to something (and to be fair most of the good ones I've put somewhere), all my contacts, my calendar which I actually use to calendar stuff upcoming like appointments and any apps I've purchased I'll have to repurchase.

So yeah, this is gonna be bad. Shit. Don't even know the easiest way to backup my icloud photos offline, and will just have to start writing down contact information by hand and my upcoming next year calendar.  Fuck.

[brawndolicious]

What do you mean by your old gmail account being locked? A friend forgot their password once and didn't have any backup sign-in methods enabled but we were able to recover it by answering questions on the approximate date that the account was created and what the last password used was.

If there's no way to recover it, then I truly feel sorry for you. Can't imagine having to backup 5 years worth of shit in two days.

[Bebpo]

Yeah, my old gmail account got locked when I got suckered into a work phishing email and it sent out phishing spam from my account to like 1,000 people and google locked the account. I tried to get them to re-open it and they unlocked it but it stopped functioning and has never received a single email since the day it was locked (and I'm sure lots were sent, like I said it was my main email for my apple ID for years).

Anyhow, I think I got most of everything backed up by the end of last night. Got all my photos in 1,000 photo zip files and deleted and redownloaded and re-logged into all the apps I use. All contacts/calendar/notes/bookmarks seem to have merged with the new apple ID I made yesterday. Was a huge pain in the ass and cost me some $$$ but seems ok now.


In other news, had another struggle moment today. Went to Disneyland with friends and went to the new Star Wars land. There's a cantina there that sells weird unique drinks. I got a fizzy foam one and the guy jokingly warned me it was dangerous and don't snort it. I was laughing with my friends when I tried to eat through the foam on top and accidently breathed it in. This was a weird fizzy numbing foam that makes your lips and mouth go numb and when it went into my lungs I literally stopped being able to breathe and started panic attack dying. I tried to inhale in but the foam was blocking the airways and I couldn't get anything through. After a bunch of attempts and coughing finally got some air through and then was just getting breaths in while calming the panick attacking down until I could fully breathe again. The guy working their gave me a glass of water and says this happens every week to like 25-30 people and a least I didn't end up on the floor like a lot of them and gave me a glass of water. Not sure if he was joking but yeah...

Not really sure how to reflect on it, all I could think at the time when I couldn't breathe was "oh fuck this might be it" and nerves are still a little shocked tonight from the experience. Anyhow I think I'm not touching foam anything for the rest of my life now lol

[Mr Gilhaney]

Got almost 500 euros in speeding fine. I am now team #acab

[brawndolicious]

What country were you in and how fast were you going? I didn't even know Eurocops give speeding tickets outside of Switzerland.

[Rufus]

Whatever gave you that impression?

[nachobro]

top gear, mostly

[VomKriege]

What country were you in and how fast were you going? I didn't even know Eurocops give speeding tickets outside of Switzerland.

Cops giving tickets is less of a thing but that's because, in France at least, this has largely been shifted to automated cameras / speed radars. Not an expert but apart from the mythical German autobahns I think most European countries have speeding laws enforced (if only because it's also a massive financial boon).

[Mr Gilhaney]

What country were you in and how fast were you going? I didn't even know Eurocops give speeding tickets outside of Switzerland.

I was going around 75, as I was crossing into a 50 (city) zone. Was pretty stupid of me to be fair, but I was hardly past the border of the 80 km an hour zone, and on a road with absolutely no one or anything happening... Except two bored cops with lasers.

[brawndolicious]

Yeah I think I heard that on Top Gear but the only Euro countries I've driven in are France, Italy, and Spain. Everyone goes over the 130kmh limit on highways which is already fast compared to us. The only thing I remember about city driving is the roads were too small to go fast.

I can't judge, I accidentally barreled through the beginning of a red light a week ago and copied the dash cam footage in case I get a ticket in the mail and need to make it look like I had a justification.

[team filler]

cousin told me he can get me a job where he works. pay, benefits, retirement paid holidays all good. but I have to re-up, they only hire national guard   

becoming a natti boi to own my financial insecurity 

I really don't want to cut my hair, also don't want to end up contributing directly to this shit: https://twitter.com/YousefMunayyer/status/1174745925086064644

[Joe Molotov]

filler seems like he'd be an expert at uncle fucking

[chronovore]

Turned 52 today.
The rockstars of my youth are dying in droves.
Time stops for no-one.
Rust never sleeps.

[Madrun Badrun]

My next committee meeting got postponed by a month at the last minute.  I sent out a poll for meet times 2 weeks ago.  3/4 profs. did it right away one waited two weeks (despite me sending 2 reminders and my supervisor sending 2 reminders), so when they did do it then the prickly prof. in the group now was unavailable and had to see if he can reschedule.  That was Friday.  At noon I get an email saying he could.  Twenty minutes later I get an email from another prof. saying that they had just read the last few emails and now they can't make it. 

[Madrun Badrun]

Now it's looking like it will be after Nov. 20.  SMH. 

[Raist]

I mean yeah, she probably realized it was sabotage on your part. You ain't slick.

[BIONIC]

Let my mom borrow my car for an event, she blew out a tire on it, wants me to pay for it

That’s what you get for not liking her posts

[El Babua]

Sickest I've been all year.

 

[nachobro]

no wonder you are always angry on the internet

[Raist]

She suffered for hours so that you could be brought into this world. Stop being an ungrateful little brat.

[Mr Gilhaney]

he's adopted

[Bebpo]

So for like decades I've had a weird thing in my throat where sometimes if I talk too much I suddenly feel a sharp pain like a cut in my throat and my throat closes out and I can't talk until I drink some water and sometimes it bleeds a bit. Once it happens it's sore and more likely to keep happening so I have to rest an be careful with my voice.

I was told it was a non-cancerous polyp/nodule on my vocal chords and it's no big deal.

But it's been getting worse and happening more often over the years until a week ago when I woke up spitting up a good deal of blood spits and feeling the blood dripping down into my lungs and feeling slightly congested with blood  :'(  And my throat has been sore/raw since I keep losing my voice if I talk much at all. I went to see a local throat doctor that I'd seen a year ago and they saw the nodule and told me to basically live with it unless it gets worse. Well this time I saw them they looked and the polyp/nodule was gone and they're like "you like fine to me so I have no idea where you are bleeding from or what is going on, get out of my office". He basically was like uhhhh maybe it's from your lungs or something and you should get some tests there.

Anyhow dude was an idiot, but I learned that this issue I'd had for years had been misdiagnosed as being just a side effect of the polyp on my vocal chords. Because this guy was right and showed me in the images, that the polyp was gone, but I was having worse symptoms than ever.

So I've been pretty depressed, feeling like shit this whole week, not caring about responsibilities so much and just figuring I'm kinda fucked and gonna die lol and being in bed a lot. I learned really fast how hard life is socially if you can't talk much -_- not to mention work. Oh and I wake up like every 1-2 hours because the thing tickles/discomforts in my throat and makes me want to dry cough so I spend 5-10 mins on a throat lozenger and then sleep another 1-2 hours.

But today I talked with one of my real good doctors, my GI and he agreed with me that the local doc was dumb and it's likely not anything in my lungs or something dumb but something in my mid/upper throat that's being missed so he referred me to a really good throat/voice guy and I got an appointment set up for the start of next week. Downside is the guy doesn't take any insurance and this being AMERICA it's gonna cost me a little under $1k to get diagnosed, which luckily I'm lucky enough that I can afford it, but the upside is I'm finally feeling hopeful that maybe I'll finally get this thing figured out and get some treatment for it and not die soon. So I'm less depressed now.

I've also had food poisoning since this happened a week ago and haven't been able to eat much besides juice, crackers, bananas and the lack of food has been sorta working into being more down and low energy about this. Pretty sure it was from the stress of it, so hopefully stomach will get back together.

My best guess is that I've got an ulcer/sore on the epiglottis flap that opens/closes when you breathe & talk and the ulcer when dry and moving sometimes stretches and tears which the shock of the pain causes it to slam shut cutting off my voice and stuff until I get some water. Talking and breathing through my mouth when I sleep produces hot air which dries it out and talking moves it a lot and makes it more like to tear. If that's it, then I think the ulcer's just been slowing getting bigger everytime it tears and is pretty bad now. Hopefully the guy on monday can confirm!

[bork]

Hope it's nothing serious and you get the right treatment!

he referred me to a really good throat/voice guy and I got an appointment set up for the start of next week. Downside is the guy doesn't take any insurance and this being AMERICA it's gonna cost me a little under $1k to get diagnosed

 

[Bebpo]

Hope it's nothing serious and you get the right treatment!

he referred me to a really good throat/voice guy and I got an appointment set up for the start of next week. Downside is the guy doesn't take any insurance and this being AMERICA it's gonna cost me a little under $1k to get diagnosed

 

America!  :'(

At least if he can diagnose it, I can then go see someone that takes my insurance for treatment from that point.

[G The Resurrected]

I’m struggling through a horrible ankle injury. MRI after a week of RICE still couldn’t be easily read by an Ortho surgeon. I got tripped while jogging (@4am) by a twine used for landscaping and immediately heard the “snap crackle pop.” I knew it was bad but this is devastating as I’m days away from a big trip to Japan. The one thing that I was going for me was Formula 1. I’ve been trying to get assistance with getting to the track which has defeated me. I can’t walk 2km, let alone my own damn bathroom..  :'(

I’m sorry for adding to the recent struggles you guys have been facing. I hope we all can pull through the struggle to be just inconvenienced.

[Bebpo]

I’m struggling through a horrible ankle injury. MRI after a week of RICE still couldn’t be easily read by an Ortho surgeon. I got tripped while jogging (@4am) by a twine used for landscaping and immediately heard the “snap crackle pop.” I knew it was bad but this is devastating as I’m days away from a big trip to Japan. The one thing that I was going for me was Formula 1. I’ve been trying to get assistance with getting to the track which has defeated me. I can’t walk 2km, let alone my own damn bathroom..  :'(

I’m sorry for adding to the recent struggles you guys have been facing. I hope we all can pull through the struggle to be just inconvenienced.

That's rough. Can you walk with a crutch? My advice for Japan would be to spend the money and taxi everywhere, unfortunately Japan is a very walking city and even getting around train stations is a lot of walking. If you could taxi direct, that'll probably help.

Alternatively, can you re-schedule and get most of your money back? Might be better to try to go in 6 months or a year after this heals up.


I'm booked for Japan in a month too and hoping I don't have to cancel my trip as well in case I need a surgery or something immediately.

[G The Resurrected]

I tried crutches and failed at using them. My splint and boot have helped out a bit but I’m still far from able to walk long distances. We’ve been so busy calling up Chase about our travel insurance options that we’re ready to just say fuck everything and go. We might not get to everything we wanted to do, but at least we’ll have a story. Taxis cost be damned we gonna have a great time. Oh and did I mention there is a cat 4 typhoon coming directly to the area we’re staying? Yeah this is gonna be a wild trip.

Bebpo I hope things get better with your issues that sounds nasty. Ulcers aren’t fun I had a pancreatic ulcer caused by a left over stone from my wild Texas trip in 15’ that was 18 months late to the party. I thought I was in the clear till it decided to pull a Alien on me and burst through my soft tissue of my rib cage. Now I have to watch out for an ulcer and a potential hernia.

[G The Resurrected]

Just a warning for those who have their gallbladder removed you aren’t out of the clear once you get it removed.

[chronovore]

So for like decades I've had a weird thing in my throat where sometimes if I talk too much I suddenly feel a sharp pain like a cut in my throat and my throat closes out and I can't talk until I drink some water and sometimes it bleeds a bit. Once it happens it's sore and more likely to keep happening so I have to rest an be careful with my voice.

I was told it was a non-cancerous polyp/nodule on my vocal chords and it's no big deal.

But it's been getting worse and happening more often over the years until a week ago when I woke up spitting up a good deal of blood spits and feeling the blood dripping down into my lungs and feeling slightly congested with blood  :'(  And my throat has been sore/raw since I keep losing my voice if I talk much at all. I went to see a local throat doctor that I'd seen a year ago and they saw the nodule and told me to basically live with it unless it gets worse. Well this time I saw them they looked and the polyp/nodule was gone and they're like "you like fine to me so I have no idea where you are bleeding from or what is going on, get out of my office". He basically was like uhhhh maybe it's from your lungs or something and you should get some tests there.

Anyhow dude was an idiot, but I learned that this issue I'd had for years had been misdiagnosed as being just a side effect of the polyp on my vocal chords. Because this guy was right and showed me in the images, that the polyp was gone, but I was having worse symptoms than ever.

So I've been pretty depressed, feeling like shit this whole week, not caring about responsibilities so much and just figuring I'm kinda fucked and gonna die lol and being in bed a lot. I learned really fast how hard life is socially if you can't talk much -_- not to mention work. Oh and I wake up like every 1-2 hours because the thing tickles/discomforts in my throat and makes me want to dry cough so I spend 5-10 mins on a throat lozenger and then sleep another 1-2 hours.

But today I talked with one of my real good doctors, my GI and he agreed with me that the local doc was dumb and it's likely not anything in my lungs or something dumb but something in my mid/upper throat that's being missed so he referred me to a really good throat/voice guy and I got an appointment set up for the start of next week. Downside is the guy doesn't take any insurance and this being AMERICA it's gonna cost me a little under $1k to get diagnosed, which luckily I'm lucky enough that I can afford it, but the upside is I'm finally feeling hopeful that maybe I'll finally get this thing figured out and get some treatment for it and not die soon. So I'm less depressed now.

I've also had food poisoning since this happened a week ago and haven't been able to eat much besides juice, crackers, bananas and the lack of food has been sorta working into being more down and low energy about this. Pretty sure it was from the stress of it, so hopefully stomach will get back together.

My best guess is that I've got an ulcer/sore on the epiglottis flap that opens/closes when you breathe & talk and the ulcer when dry and moving sometimes stretches and tears which the shock of the pain causes it to slam shut cutting off my voice and stuff until I get some water. Talking and breathing through my mouth when I sleep produces hot air which dries it out and talking moves it a lot and makes it more like to tear. If that's it, then I think the ulcer's just been slowing getting bigger everytime it tears and is pretty bad now. Hopefully the guy on monday can confirm!

Your entire post had me making my most-sour of sour faces. Good grief, dude. Get well!

[Bebpo]

Thanks Chrono, they aren't really sure what's up with my throat other than lots of little odd stuff and that I just have HUGE tonsils (they wrote on the photos HUGE TONSILS) that I've had my whole life and may be hiding stuff. The doctor pretty much wants me to get my tonsils out in the next 6-12 months if they can't figure out anything just to rule them out and because they're not good for my throat in general since they're huge and collect bad stuff.

But getting tonsils out at 38, with being immune-suppressed and having slow/weak healing is gonna be a fucking big deal, so will need to powow around with my doctors and figure out what to do.

I tried crutches and failed at using them. My splint and boot have helped out a bit but I’m still far from able to walk long distances. We’ve been so busy calling up Chase about our travel insurance options that we’re ready to just say fuck everything and go. We might not get to everything we wanted to do, but at least we’ll have a story. Taxis cost be damned we gonna have a great time. Oh and did I mention there is a cat 4 typhoon coming directly to the area we’re staying? Yeah this is gonna be a wild trip.

Bebpo I hope things get better with your issues that sounds nasty. Ulcers aren’t fun I had a pancreatic ulcer caused by a left over stone from my wild Texas trip in 15’ that was 18 months late to the party. I thought I was in the clear till it decided to pull a Alien on me and burst through my soft tissue of my rib cage. Now I have to watch out for an ulcer and a potential hernia.

 :'(

[daemon]

Today I messaged the wife of a friend of mine from the US because he wasn't answering for weeks.

Turns out he's in jail. Criminal endangerment (he explained this one to me), but she also added felony charges for stealing stuff. Also she mentioned she's filing for divorce because their marriage got very tense in the last year.



So yeah, I've got my buddy from 13 years in jail :/

[Rufus]

Already growing into the avatar, huh?

[Raist]

So yeah, I've got my buddy from 13 years in jail :/

Elaborate.

[daemon]

So yeah, I've got my buddy from 13 years in jail :/

Elaborate.

A friend i've known since 2006, but only online due to physical distance. On the bright side, he was released yesterday (after 40 days in jail) and there's a chance about them dropping charges!

[Raist]

Right. That sounded like you literally got him in jail.

[CatsCatsCats]

Having a v hard time pulling myself together rn. Need to get in therapy or something but can’t bring myself to get the ball rolling. Haven’t really talked to anyone about what’s going on with my marriage and feeling very isolated and lonely. Having those scary thoughts, struggling to see forward but hanging in there.

[Madrun Badrun]

Sorry, buddy that life sucks.  Hope it gets better soon. 

[Tasty]

Been contracting for Small Co.

Last two paychecks have been late

Still haven't been paid for last month

It's "tied up in the accounting dept"

"If you need to you can look for another contracting job in the meantime" (paraphrased)

spoiler (click to show/hide)

They technically have 30 days to pay me but things getting thrown out of wack randomly and then being told the other pieces of info... :uhh

[close]

[Bebpo]

Gross warning:

Friday night after playing Death Stranding came down with insane food poisoning like never before. Throwing up for hours intense and then uncontrollable shits for 20 hours straight until I ended up in the ER on morphine and other drugs hospitalized.

Had my months in planning vacation booked and mostly non-refundable for this morning. Wasn't sure if I'd be able to go. Was doing better yesterday and started adding some plain chicken in (was on nothing or bananas, rice, toast for 2-3 days besides being on probiotics to try to reform my gut) and then was all packed and ready to go and shits outta nowhere causing emergency laundry washing instead of sleeping.

Been going back and forth on whether to fly or not, feeling stuffed up and dry now but the chicken and stuff from yesterday hasn't processed so idk if I can digest it. Would lose like thousands of $$ and miss all the plans I had. Otoh, the whole point of vacation was to have a nice time away from stress of life/work and being on the edge of ill and possibly running infections while in Japan doesn't sound very relaxing.

At the airport now and gonna go for it. Fingers crossed my guts have recovered. I'm literally wearing an adult diaper just in case and a throwaway pair of jeans in case I gotta trash them. This emberassing and awful af. But if I'm lucky I've recovered at this point and will make it across the sea and to my hotel ok and can eat some good simple Japanese food tomorrow. My ryokan hotel has Japanese style breakfast so my first meal will be grilled fish, miso soup and rice which is all probably safe.

But will have to miss drinking with Chronovore tomorrow Will still hang (hopefully), but no way gonna be able to drink anything for a while into the trip.

A lot of this is because of my crohn's disease and old surgery wound In my gut I'm sure. In the 10 years since my surgery luckily I've never had really bad food poisoning, but now I have and my GI does not react well to that.

Fwiw I'm pretty sure it was the fresh salsa at my favorite taco place. Had it for lunch Friday and tasted weird. But also had a del taco run on Fri night (because taco bell got rid of the double decker) and got the chicken soft tacos so it could've been those too. Either way will be avoiding both places for a while...

[Tasty]

I mean even if you have to eat the costs on the flight out, I'd just say go the next day if you feel that close to death's door.

Good luck!

[Tasty]

This "not getting paid" thing has begun to turn catastrophic and dominoes are starting to fall.

Fun.

[bork]

Witnessed what might have been a crime or domestic incident going on tonight.

We went to get takeout,  stopped at a gas station, and I got out, only to notice that there was a small crowd of people all watching and cheering/laughing at something going down on the other side of the lot.  Another woman had her phone out and was filming it, while screaming at the crowd to "stop fucking laughing and go do something." 

It was hard to tell what the hell was going on- two cars were parked next to each other and several women were fistfighting.  A man was also trying to get to one of the women and hit her.  Saw a kid get out of one of the cars and run into the other one.  My wife is uncomfortable (she's never seen anything like this before) and keeps telling me to leave, which I tell her is absolutely not happening until I know what's going on.  Was about go call the cops after one of the cars tried leaving and a woman hung onto it, then fell off and hit the pavement.  At this point gas station employees run out and get the man away from the woman he's trying to attack.  She gets into her car (unsure if the kid was in here), screams "THEY TRIED TO TAKE MY KID FROM ME!!!" and peels out of there.  The other women get into their car -without the man- and drive away.  The man is just kind of standing around, dazed, while the gas station people are trying to talk to him.  Someone's stuff (looks like a packed clothes bag) is just sitting there when everyone disperses.

Since this is over, I got gas and got back in the car, only to see my wife getting out- we had taken the dog out earlier and brought her in the car with us, and the whole thing scared her so much she peed all over the front seat and was shaking.     My wife got in the back, we picked up the food, went home, and I spent a little while cleaning out the car and getting that pee out of the seat. 

Can't figure out if that was some kind of kidnapping attempt (didn't seem like it) or custody battle shit (seems more likely), but holy shit.

[Raist]

I got gas and got back in the car, only to see my wife getting out- we had taken the dog out earlier and brought her in the car with us, and the whole thing scared her so much she peed all over the front seat and was shaking.

Ph-phrasing...

[toku]

Slipping back into being crazy on edge half of the time;  like flipping between zen and losing it at the smallest provocation. 

Then if I entertain the "edge" I spiral pretty quickly and then have trouble shaking what bothered me.   Will completely distract me, and I'll do weird shit like randomly make a face or scoff out loud at something that happened earlier that my brain decided to go over again.   

Does not feel like a healthy mind inside of my head, but at least I'm aware of it.  Of course I keep losing it, despite this awareness.. but trying to more quickly reign it in.

I don't know if it's the time of year or what.. I'm of course also dreading the holidays and being endlessly PTSD triggered.

I do this a lot at times too. I think it's good that you're at least letting it out/expressing it with the scoffs etc. It can feel a little crazy and try not to do it around others but at least you're acknowledging it. I also think you're doing the right thing shifting awareness when it comes up and sometimes i find even focusing on just breathing or walking helps. Most important thing is you just don't let your brain build tracks down that shit road. You been there already, goes nowhere. It gets easier from experience.

[TVC15]

Real struggle:

I haven’t slept on a Monday night in over 3 months. Actually, it’s been since July but I’m not doing math. And I mean no sleep. Tuesday is always a rough meeting day for me, so this has been getting shitty. I’m normally a shitty sleeper so I can live with missing any given night of sleep, but it’s been this night so consistently that it’s notable.

The problem is that I live by a courtyard that has a number of bars and restaurants in it. Monday night is garbage night for them, and they all put dumpsters out. These dumpsters attract lots of homeless people who spend the whole night, up until 4:30am when the garbage trucks come (my alarm goes off at 4:15), rooting through them as noisily as possible.

I don’t know what to do about this short of moving. Really, fuck homeless people.

Any advice is appreciated. I’m not sure what can pragmatically be done here.

Notes:

* I can’t do earplugs or headphones or anything while trying to sleep. Things on me is generally a no go. I don’t even use a blanket when I sleep
* We’re talking lots of glass constantly clanking around and breaking frequently, along with lots of other general noise, but it’s the sharp shit that jumps out that ruins things
* This info may be wrong, but the situation appears to have been caused by dumpster location changes due to a few construction projects on my block. Two new apartment buildings... want to take bets on how many affordable units they have? Both projects are barely off the ground, and construction won’t make any progress if it rains this year (based on past years)

[TVC15]

Stop watching Raw

I DID BROTHER

[TVC15]

We always have a loud fan going;  can't hear much of anything going on outside of our room.

This isn’t be the right kind of noise (I’ve tried a fan and a little music). I need something that is able to cover frequent loud clanks and pops. Sudden noises—the problem is they alarm me into being awake, so a wall of low noise wouldn’t do much.

I’m open to other noise-type suggestions though. I think it may be one of my only angles. But I need suggestions and advice.

[TVC15]

Pills?

Ehhhhhhh, it’s the nuclear option. Without going into details, I had an OG ambien episode over a decade ago that has me scared off anything even remotely related to it. Believe women—believe Roseanne.

I do use Ativan, but I use it for a specific purpose and I’d like to avoid introducing any other drugs like that into my life. I think they trigger depression in me.

These are options, and I do know they work, but I’ve tried them and they just can’t be the answer to this. They’d introduce new complications that I’d also have to proactively address.

[TVC15]

My sleep has been getting really bad as my health gets worse. I’m unintentionally missing 2-3 nights a week of sleep. Always Monday though, that’s the only consistent day. I’ve been going into a coma for most of the weekends. It’s been getting really rough, and it sucks because work is going really well right now, and I enjoy it, but I can’t be my best and get the most out of the situation. I’m worried I’m blowing it. People notice I have to work from home all the time or I’m walking around like a zombie or I’m all nervous energy from adrenaline. It feels like I can’t win.

I don’t stay up or watch shit or play games. I just stay in bed with my eyes closed the whole time and try to rest, moving as little as possible. It’s so frustrating.

I also take one of my medications as a shot at night specifically because it’s more sedating that way.

[I'm a Puppy!]

I just found out an old coworker from my prior company died last week.
we had lost touch the last few years, but man. I met his wife and kids. Poor guy.

[I'm a Puppy!]

My sleep has been getting really bad as my health gets worse. I’m unintentionally missing 2-3 nights a week of sleep. Always Monday though, that’s the only consistent day. I’ve been going into a coma for most of the weekends. It’s been getting really rough, and it sucks because work is going really well right now, and I enjoy it, but I can’t be my best and get the most out of the situation. I’m worried I’m blowing it. People notice I have to work from home all the time or I’m walking around like a zombie or I’m all nervous energy from adrenaline. It feels like I can’t win.

I don’t stay up or watch shit or play games. I just stay in bed with my eyes closed the whole time and try to rest, moving as little as possible. It’s so frustrating.

I also take one of my medications as a shot at night specifically because it’s more sedating that way.

How's your sleep hygenie? Like if you can't fall asleep within 20 minutes do you get out of bed and sit down somewhere else? I used to make the mistake of staying in bed and force myself to fall asleep. Setting up a chair nearby where I could just sit in the quiet if I couldn't fall asleep made a huge difference. Not saying that'll work for you, but it did help me.

[TVC15]

My sleep has been getting really bad as my health gets worse. I’m unintentionally missing 2-3 nights a week of sleep. Always Monday though, that’s the only consistent day. I’ve been going into a coma for most of the weekends. It’s been getting really rough, and it sucks because work is going really well right now, and I enjoy it, but I can’t be my best and get the most out of the situation. I’m worried I’m blowing it. People notice I have to work from home all the time or I’m walking around like a zombie or I’m all nervous energy from adrenaline. It feels like I can’t win.

I don’t stay up or watch shit or play games. I just stay in bed with my eyes closed the whole time and try to rest, moving as little as possible. It’s so frustrating.

I also take one of my medications as a shot at night specifically because it’s more sedating that way.

How's your sleep hygenie? Like if you can't fall asleep within 20 minutes do you get out of bed and sit down somewhere else? I used to make the mistake of staying in bed and force myself to fall asleep. Setting up a chair nearby where I could just sit in the quiet if I couldn't fall asleep made a huge difference. Not saying that'll work for you, but it did help me.

Not good by standards of sleep experts! I sleep on a floor on a futon mattress.

It usually takes me about 2 hours to fall asleep (estimated based on last remembered clock views before falling asleep), so getting up after a brief period hasn’t helped. It’s been like this since I was a kid. The taking a long time to fall asleep, not the not sleeping at all bit.

[TVC15]

I’m complaining about this today because I’m missing work on a really important day and I feel bad for letting my team down.

At least it’s good to have a valid reason to hate the homeless.

[Madrun Badrun]

I've been letting people down all year.  Its really painful. 

[TVC15]

You get used to it. I was just getting not used to it at work so this is especially frustrating

[Madrun Badrun]

Ya, that's what I meant.  Letting down family, that's OK been doing that a long time, but I had always been able to keep face at work.  When I couldn't, it was a hell of a hit to my self esteem.

[CatsCatsCats]

Probably gonna have to sell the house this summer as part of getting a divorce. I don’t think I can get myself on board with what the soon to be ex wants to do: build a separate dwelling on the same property and continue to partner financially/ as parents. Just seems too pathetic, even for me. Of course she’s pissed that I’m back tracking on being up for that but honestly she’s not a great financial partner and if we’re splitting up we should split it up so we can move on. Idk. Fighting suicidal thoughts everyday but still have a few anchors in this world keeping me held down, fortunately.