RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[Rahxephon91]

Man, I took a brutal rejection last night. I have a coworker who I'd always thought was pretty cute and awesome, and I'd always gotten an interested vibe from her. Not a particularly subtle one either.

After my breakup a month ago I thought I might see if I could make anything happen and started talking to her more. We were talking about some kind of open mic night she was going to play at this weekend. Then she asks if I want to come dancing with her and a friend that night. I was pretty excited and made up my mind that I'd ask her on a real date if an opportunity came up.

At the club, the vibe I was getting from her was different at first. I started to rethink things. But then she really opened up again, so I chalked it up to her being nervous. Lol. We danced for a bit, and then she wanted to buy me a drink at the bar. That seemed like a decent sign that things were a go, so I asked if I could take her out sometime. At this time I figured there was probably an 80-90% probability that she'd say yes.

The rejection was unceremonious and as efficient as an executioner's axe. I basically got one-shotted. She wasn't particularly mean about it, but she didn't really let me salvage anything either. So I walked upstairs, bummed a cigarette from a dude outside, then got a drink at the upstairs bar, and she came up and started talking to me like nothing had happened and we were buddies.

So I read this girl completely wrong for like a year. I guess she was very interested in me platonically. It's the kind of misread that makes me seriously doubt my ability to read anyone.

Gonna take a few days to pick myself back up. I'll get there, but damn.

At least you got closure. I know this situation and feeling pretty well.

[Oblivion]

Told you this would happen. It's good to get out the way now comes the real hard part. Finding that person that it doesn't feel soulless with.

Wait, were you talking to me, or Dufus/Atra?

[toku]

atra sorry

[Atramental]

I'm noticing that girls are being much more flirty with me as of late. 

[Rufus]

Hah!

Next stage: remembering such moments from your teenage years.

[Phoenix Dark]

fuck her man. There are so many waves out there to ride, why catch feelings because you can't ride one that doesn't respect you. Live your life man. And if she changes her mind and wants to get with you...tell her you're not interested anymore and keep it moving.

[Rahxephon91]

At least you got closure. I know this situation and feeling pretty well.

This is by far the most confident I've been in an attempt that ended up failing. The attraction vibe I was getting from her was really strong. The last time I got a vibe that strong, the girl told me later that she had been waiting for me to ask. I guess some people interact in an idiosyncratic way that's easier to misinterpret.

Yeah, at least you did it and good on you. I couldn't do it. I'll try to be as level headed as I can possibly be in this thread(I'm not as much of a psycho as I come off). I'm in the exact position as you were and have been for the past year I guess. The girl at my job has been extremely flirty with me, to the point that everyone at work assumes things, asks me about it, and jokes about it. Even my managers.  I'd say we are good enough friends as it is. Really good chemistry. We talk and joke a lot at work. She touches me a lot in joking ways and maybe physically bumps into me sometimes(which hey according to all those "ways to know a girl likes you" wiki guides means something!) and she seemed/seems to always include me in many of her after work stuff even when she was clearly dating someone else. I clearly like this girl and find her to have a great personality and body, but I also enjoy her as a friend so I wouldn't want to make it awkward. But I feel like if you asked any dude, he would say her actions clearly say she's interested. She already knows how I think and while that hasn't changed her behavior it also hasn't upped it so think. I also in the end could easily just see this as her simply acting like a friend. Her best female friend who is also my friend hasn't said anything to really confirm anything either.  She also has a pretty complicated relationship with .....well her baby daddy.

Anyway, I just have a very eh "well just have to see what happens" approach.

[Oblivion]

atra sorry

 :'(

[chronovore]

Some girls are just flirty in the way they deal with guys. Others feel compelled to include romantic cues because they have messed up ideas about men and women being unable to deal with each other except as potential sexual partners. Still others insist on nurturing a side thing outside their main relationship because they're not happy with what they've got and are looking for external validation. Humans are a hot mess. 

[I'm a Puppy!]

Some girls are just flirty in the way they deal with guys. Others feel compelled to include romantic cues because they have messed up ideas about men and women being unable to deal with each other except as potential sexual partners. Still others insist on nurturing a side thing outside their main relationship because they're not happy with what they've got and are looking for external validation. Humans are a hot mess. 

this is all very true and I've found in all the relationship advice I give and women I talk to, I find the above to be true almost always. So when someone's flirty with me I immediate go through the list above (and a few others) and think "Which of these are we dealing with?" Instead of thinking, "Hey, she's into me!"

Seeing how people are in relationships has ruined me

[tiesto]

About to get a tad emo, you were warned.

Well, I thought things were going well with the teacher, but while I was in DC for Magfest she sent me a text. She gave me the whole spiel about how I'm such a nice guy, but she doesn't think we have anything in common so it won't work out. And "hope you find someone soon, you deserve it!"   

While I definitely think we didn't have much in common - come on, she didn't even know who Ash and Misty were, had no idea whatsoever about any of my interests, which is weird because she teaches nerdy HS kids - also, she was big into volunteering and athletic and meanwhile I'm the most apathetic person with zero athletic talent, I don't think this is the reason (aside from one girl big into RPGs and another girl who was a huge foodie it's rare I have much in common with the girls I date). Probably she had someone else she liked better. Or it could be she had ridiculously high standards that I couldn't meet.

So I had a bit of a panic attack after hearing the news, proceeded to go ham on the Match app and have 2 dates scheduled for next week. One with a dentist who says she has zero hobbies whatsoever, and another with a girl who works at a group home, who is cute af but unfortunately isn't educated Also I have some other girls I've been chatting with (all similar-looking brunettes for some reason ).

But whenever I'm on the market, it's always followed a similar trajectory. Join a dating site full of optimism, go out with a few girls that seem to have everything I'm looking for - attractive, intelligent, personable, kindhearted. Then, things don't work out with them so I start gradually lowering my standards. End up going out with girls I have minimal chemistry with, girls I'm not terribly attracted to, girls without many passions ("basic"), etc. When those don't work out, I start to get really frustrated, and then I end up taking the first girl that comes around that's interested in me. The last 3 girls I went out with for any length of time all had the same things in common:
-obsessive about one thing in particular (Jesus/Reading/Food)
-had serious self-esteem issues
-had a fucked up family life

I'm a kindhearted guy (not the "nice guy" stereotype since I do get laid and get into relationships), I'm generally pretty easygoing and good natured, reasonably intelligent, come from a tight-knit Italian family, and I have my shit (mostly) together, so I'm like the perfect 'way out' for these girls. (but lest I toot my horn that much - I'm also not attractive, am pretty awkward in person, have a bit of OCD, have my own obsessive nerdy interests that everyone on this board already knows) Everyone sees the warning signs but me (though to be fair a few of my friends LOVED my last girlfriend and were sad when I broke up with her). And eventually stuff just bubbles up so much to the surface that I just am like "I can't do this anymore".

Anyways, new dating resolution for me - this time, I will NOT settle.

[I'm a Puppy!]

I've said it many times. I think people over-value things in common and miss out on a ton of people they might have had incredible relationships with if they had just been more open minded about the things in common stuff.

My wife and I have more differences than things in common but our relationship works really well because we view those differences as making our lives richer/fuller. In a way, people focus so much on things in common they pass up people they might have had good chemistry with and chemistry is hella important because people will change, that's the way of it and chemistry is what will keep you together when you're both different people.

That being said, there are certain things you have to have in common (like if one of you is a homebody and the other is a person that has to be out in the social scene all the time, or one of you is a fitness nut and the other is a lazy slob that ain't going to work) but I think people demand too much in common in areas that don't really have any bearing on a successful relationship.

Open yourself up to dating people you generally might not have. You might learn a few things about yourself.

[Mupepe]

or if she's into gangbangs and he's into side huggin that ain't gonna work.

[I'm a Puppy!]

or if she's into gangbangs and he's into side huggin that ain't gonna work.

Oh it'll work....for me

[tiesto]

a girl who works at a group home, who is cute af but unfortunately isn't educated

how is this a bad thing

Because I'm at that age where I'm looking to meet a life partner and would prefer someone on my intellectual/educational level?

[Rufus]

Nah. I'd much rather be the stupid one.

[Phoenix Dark]

I don't understand focusing on having similar hobbies, or feeling like hobbies will hold things together. The girl I'm seeing now is somewhat outgoing, loves trap music, likes dogs, smokes weed (although she's given that up in favor of edibles now) and various other things I don't really like. The things we have in common are moreso emotional or macro level worldview/goals/ideals. We both work hard, enjoy our own personal space, and come together because we like each other as people. I don't care that she doesn't obsess over football, she doesn't care that I like weird or "dusty" rap music. We enjoy and "need" each other for entirely different reasons.

IMO a major factor is finding someone you can do absolutely nothing with and still have a blast. We don't need to dabble in a hobby or go out...if you can chill with someone, make some food together, watch a TV show, go for a walk...if all that stuff can be fun solely because you aren't doing it by yourself, you know you've found someone cool.

[El Babua]

I believe in you

[I'm a Puppy!]

I believe EL Babua who believes in you. So don't believe in yourself. Believe in me who believes in El Babua who believes in you.

[chronovore]

Believe in yourself. You're not a bad person, and I do believe that you're not the person that you display in this thread -- though I think it /is/ part of who you are, and hope you can find some peace with yourself.

You're a worthwhile person, and when you believe that you will find others will recognize it as well.

[Huff]

I don't believe in you

Sorry

[I'm a Puppy!]

Get confused with Rahx brehs

[Rahxephon91]

Are you guys confusing me with Rahx

I value myself (I certainly don't hate myself) and I haven't 'written off' 2017

I don't quite understand where this mentality came from. I haven't written off 2017 anymore than 2016. And I certainly don't hate myself and besides that's never stopped anyone before.

[Phoenix Dark]

Dufus main star of Season 2



Aren't there Roma in your area who you could easily impress with your baking skills and housing situation?

[Atramental]

True. But at least I'm an entertaining special fellow.

[brawndolicious]

Eat da boot Doof (warrior).

Tbh my last girlfriend ended things with me in part because we didn't have enough in common. It can be an actual problem.

Yeah but that could also really mean that she's losing interest for other reasons and "dissimilar hobbies" becomes the symptom or excuse she had. Don't blame yourself as sometimes people just aren't in the right place emotionally for a relationship. I feel like a lot of what makes people break up over incompatibility is unrealistic ideals on how conflict resolution should work in a relationship.

[Himu]

Dufus' confidence on this page is very attractive. Go get em!

[eleuin]

Big shoes to fill dufus 

[Atramental]

 

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good luck

[close]

[Tasty]

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good luck

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[Phoenix Dark]

Big shoes to fill dufus 

Let's hope this isn't a True Detective S2 tier let down.

[Atramental]

Not providing deets? Where's the fun in that? 

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[Atramental]

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my dirty talk would be much more tasteful and sophisticated, that's for sure

Lol. I'd love to hear what your dirty talk would be. 

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edit: But, besides all of that, rough sex is pretty fun for the most part. 

[Mupepe]

she sounds like she was a keeper

[Joe Molotov]

Didn't you dump this girl because she was boring? 

[Phoenix Dark]

You nutted in her raw? 

[Atramental]

Didn't you dump this girl because she was boring? 

Boring outside of bed...

I blame it on my "INTP" personality. I need intellectual stimulation more so than physical & emotional stimulation. 

You nutted in her raw? 

Fuck no. I would be losing my shit daily if I did. 

And she did offer to let me put it in raw but I was all "thanks... but no thanks..."

[Purrp Skirrp]

You nutted in her raw? 

[tiesto]

Been talking to this short, chubby, Jewish blonde who is 29. A fellow UB grad, and an elementary school teacher. She mentioned she liked classic games like Zeruda. Promising!

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Been talking to this short, chubby, Jewish blonde who is 29. A fellow UB grad, and an elementary school teacher. She mentioned she liked classic games like Zeruda. Promising!

How big are her tits?  Big Jewish tits are my kryptonite.

[Huff]

Had a girl ask me if I use Reddit on a date last week

Not going to be a second date

[nudemacusers]

I blame it on my "INTP" personality.

You don't have an intp personality you took an online quiz to reinforce your preconceived notions of how you think you should interact with others and also to provide you a concrete basis (in your mind) to rationalize actions and mantain a status quo as a workaround for avoiding social challenges. Hence falling back on this "personality category" when encountering difficult and new experiences.

I'm watching you

[Samson Manhug]

People act like the Meyers Briggs isn't just as scientific as astrology and healing crystals. 

[Atramental]

It's a shorthand and more PC way of saying that I'm a special fellow and I like to special fellow out with other spergs or at least people who understand spergs.

[tiesto]

Been talking to this short, chubby, Jewish blonde who is 29. A fellow UB grad, and an elementary school teacher. She mentioned she liked classic games like Zeruda. Promising!

How big are her tits?  Big Jewish tits are my kryptonite.

They look to be really big. Jewish chicks also tend to have really nice asses from what I've seen!

[Joe Molotov]

They're (((this big)))

So like...an inch wide?

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Been talking to this short, chubby, Jewish blonde who is 29. A fellow UB grad, and an elementary school teacher. She mentioned she liked classic games like Zeruda. Promising!

How big are her tits?  Big Jewish tits are my kryptonite.

They look to be really big. Jewish chicks also tend to have really nice asses from what I've seen!

Ah, a zaftig.  Please keep us updated.

[nudemacusers]

It's a shorthand and more PC way of saying that I'm a special fellow and I like to special fellow out with other spergs or at least people who understand spergs.

You're only as spergy as you wanna be. I bet you weren't thinking about your INTP test when you were nutting in her.


Bless up etc.

[tiesto]

Too many people confuse being introverted with being shy. It's more about where you find your energy - from social situations or from being alone. I consider myself introverted (INTJ every single time I take the MBTI) but not shy (awkward, on the other hand). I just feel a bit worn down after a while of heavy socialization, and also don't take any issue with spending a quite night home by myself.

[tiesto]

Since this girl added me on Facebook, I took a look at some of her pics. I didn't creep all the way back to 2008 or anything, but like a couple rows worth.

Anyway, this girl's apparent ex-boyfriend is way more attractive than I am. Like one of those typical GQ cover dudes. It's not even close. Not sure how I feel about attempting to follow that up. I'll have to win on personality while being just good-looking enough.

If it makes you feel better, a lot of the girls I broke up with ended up with guys less attractive than me, and they managed...

[I'm a Puppy!]

If you're only going to date girls that haven't dated guys better looking than you, you're going to have a bad time.

[nudemacusers]

Since this girl added me on Facebook, I took a look at some of her pics. I didn't creep all the way back to 2008 or anything, but like a couple rows worth.

Anyway, this girl's apparent ex-boyfriend is way more attractive than I am. Like one of those typical GQ cover dudes. It's not even close. Not sure how I feel about attempting to follow that up. I'll have to win on personality while being just good-looking enough.

maybe he had a tiny dick

[Phoenix Dark]

Since this girl added me on Facebook, I took a look at some of her pics. I didn't creep all the way back to 2008 or anything, but like a couple rows worth.

Anyway, this girl's apparent ex-boyfriend is way more attractive than I am. Like one of those typical GQ cover dudes. It's not even close. Not sure how I feel about attempting to follow that up. I'll have to win on personality while being just good-looking enough.

who the fuck cares. ride the wave

[chronovore]

Since this girl added me on Facebook, I took a look at some of her pics. I didn't creep all the way back to 2008 or anything, but like a couple rows worth.

Anyway, this girl's apparent ex-boyfriend is way more attractive than I am. Like one of those typical GQ cover dudes. It's not even close. Not sure how I feel about attempting to follow that up. I'll have to win on personality while being just good-looking enough.

Maybe he was selfish. Maybe he couldn't get her off. Maybe he was a saint, or uninteresting. Maybe he was vapid and only cared about appearance.

[studyguy]

Don't stress, my current girl's ex is this giant marine dude twice my size.
He tried calling her two years into our relationship once while we were out, she laughed and hung up on him then he showed up at her work crying.
Some dudes are a fucking mess.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Maybe he had such a great personality and such great looks that this girl sabotaged the relationship because she felt unworthy of being with him.  So she decided to aim lower and you were there and...

Who the fuck cares.

[king of the internet]

Would you feel better if she only dated trolls in the past? That would basically confirm your own ugliness. You should feel good about being able to bang somebody that has as at least some basic standards.

[ToxicAdam]

I had a few girls out of my league because they were tired of being shit on by hot guys. Then once I disappointed them in different ways, they went back to hot guys.

Worth it.

[tiesto]

Went out with the dentist last night and she was pretty nice, albeit rather soft-spoken and shy. I will shoot her a text and see if she'd be interested in hanging out again. Got a date with another girl on Friday and I'll probably try to set something up with Jewish Zeruda fan for next week.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Ran into an old girlfriend a few days ago and we hit it off again pretty well.  There is a bad ice storm that is supposed to happen this weekend.  I asked if she wanted to go to my apartment to ride it out and she said yes.  I remember her being a little flaky so we'll see if it happens.

Edit: A friend of mine who is a stripper and I are going to spend a weekend getting loaded on absinthe in a few weeks.  Assuming I can get the good kind.  If not, we'll get drunk some other way.