Welp. Had the meeting with the pastor and his couples group. Outcome was...mixed.
First he introduced me as a fellow relationship "expert" (to which I chuckled and told them he was lying) and he amended it to say that I had helped him in his relationship with this wife,and then introduced all the couples (there were about 8 of them). He proceeds to show this video that's been making the rounds about a husband that's trying to get it on with his wife and she turns down as she's too tired. He complains that she's not the woman he married and leaves. She proceeds to tell him that yes, she's not the same woman, that she's a mom now and she's got kids to worry about, a house to keep and all the motherly duties and they're huge and important and overwhelming, so yeah, she's not the same woman and he needs to understand that. She's got other things on her mind.
The pastor proceeded to go around the room and ask each of the couples what they thought. The women were like "That's so true!" and the men were like "It opened my eyes to her struggle." He got to me and asked me my thoughts, I told him it'd be better to go onto the next topic. He insisted, I told him I thought it was bullshit. That went over like a turd in a beer. A lot of the women were like "So you're saying it's easy to be mom?!" I had to tell them my wife and I are raising 4 kids and yes it's hard, but it's not a get out of jail free card. I went around the room and asked which of the women had jobs, all but 2 did. I asked them if they ever called into work and said they couldn't go into work because they were a mom. They said yes, I asked them what would happen if they did that every day for weeks or months? They admitted they'd get fired. I asked why then did they expect their husbands to put up with it? Someone countered that husbands should be more understanding than employers. I countered that I got that, but aren't couples always saying their relationship is the most important thing? Why is work more important? I pointed out as well that the video neglected to point out the challenges that the husband was going through. This got the husbands riled up and they were like "Yeah! Being a Dad isn't easy either! But you don't see us cancelling because of a headache!" A few minutes of chaos ensued but my friend was able to turn it into "See? Everyone has challenges. The question you should ask is why haven't you discussed this with each other before? What was keeping you from talking about it?" That was a very salient point that turned the conversation on its head, I totally got why he was a pastor, because it was a master move and lead to some very good conversation. Eventually a few of the ladies turned it back to "Motherhood is hard.", I said that yes it was , but in the end your kids will move out, find their own partners and make their own lives and then you're going to be stuck with a partner you've neglected for 18 years at least and you think they're going to be the same? In the end kids are important, but no one has to live your life but you. Having kids doesn't give you an excuse to put yourself in unhealthy situations. Apply your face mask before aiding others and all that.
Chatted with my friend afterward. I thought it was a bit of a disaster. He said he thought it was really useful to have someone that would disagree with him. He said he found the group to be rather passive and just take his word as "Well, he's the pastor, so he knows best." And it was good to have someone say, "That's bullshit." He said he thought the video was pretty good until I pointed out all the issues with it. He's asked if I'd come back. I'm not so sure. I feel like I only caused confusion. But I do sorta get his point. We'll see.
