I've been out of the dating pool for awhile, so take this all with a grain of salt:
Don't deal with emotional topics, such as "So what's going on between us?" or "Are we going out?" in text. Text is too open to misinterpretation. Save it for in person, or at least talk on the phone. There are too many social cues which reside in tone, inflection, body language, facial expression -- all of which are lost in text.
Don't seek to clarify something that is still forming. You've got some kind of connection with her, let it become whatever it's going to become without trying to define it. You're looking for an easy win, an early determination, and that stands more chance of ruining it than letting it gel on its own.
She might know where she wants the relationship to go, or she may be just as up-in-the-air as you are. Give the relationship some space to grow.
Don't ever let a "friend" attend something that you're half-hoping is a date. I cannot believe you let a third wheel attend; that guy is either further on the spectrum than you are, or intentionally messing with your situation.
