Well like I said, distortions have been a pretty big theme in most of my sessions. So I'm well aware of what I say is dumb and a lot of it is my fault.
Anyway, recently everything had been going solid. I visited her in Arizona and beyond the fact that she was stressed from work I think the visit went well. I came back home feeling pretty good. I realize she is a very easily stressed person and usually my stance is to basically just let her control the pace of the relationship. Though yeah everyone here knows I'm still pretty insecure and I'm trying to work on that. So sometimes these feelings prop up.
Also most people here probably think I'm a dweeb when it comes to video games and I am, so I like to play single player games and I like to do them as un-disrupted as possible. Obviously, games were one of the primary ways we would "communicate". Gaming at nite would be our little "date nights". Which I probably took for granted as not all the time did I want to play Call of Duty and so on. Sometimes I wanted to play another game or sometimes you know I would go out with friends. Which she would give some greif for, but whatever no big deal. Anyway, she started playing with other people on XBL and yeah I know thats not a big deal and stupid for me to care about.
Anyway, I came back from AZ and we got back into routine, but she started inviting the main guy she added on FB. I guess this guy plays CoD pretty much every night and usually playing CoD at night is her relaxing thing. So he would play with is. I mean my main problem is I also don't like playing with people I don't know. I go silent when I'm around people I don't know. I also was a little T'd because this was usually are thing and I mean the fact that I did'nt see her as a potential fuck and rather somone to play Battlefield with is what started this whole thing. I did'nt voice this because rationally I knew it was dumb and who am I to tell her who she can play with?
Anyway time goes buy and everything is pretty normal. Text every day, sex talk, and playing XBL. One weekend though something happens and take it as slight. I get mad that she's playing with her "Cod bros" and she says that it's pretty ridiculous to get mad about and yknow usually she does just want to play with me, but since I wasn't always available she found some pretty nice people to also play CoD with and playing Xbox is one of her big escapes from stress.
Ok that happens and I guess the following week for her is awful. I don't think I messaged her or added to her stress, but she claimed I did by texting her too much. I don't know. I see something that suggests she was playing with the CoD dude and I think well "that kind of sucks for me". I ask her and she says no. But here comes the dumb move, I ask the dude as well and he says they did'nt. But I guess also told her I asked. So she's mad. Says I don't trust her, says I'm adding to her stress, says I've destroyed her escape place and added to her anxiety because I bought a stranger into her problems, and I broke her private space. I agree I did so I already know I'm an idiot. She says we are done.
She dials it back a few days later. We talk blah blah blah. Says we should take a break. Try to work on ourselves. Which I agree, which is lead me to seeking therapy. My insecurites are really effecting me. But she says during this break she would'nt limit herself. Which I focus on. Instead of her statement of "I'm not looking, talking to, or intersted in anyone and when I notice you've gotten better we can resume". Which she tells to me and my mother.
Anyway a few days go by again and things return to normal. Texting is back. Playing video games are back to normal. She even starts saying some sexual innuendo again.
But eh I don't know I get drunk one day and argument happens. Basicly she says that one of my problems is my pressure and demand for answer to things. That she never said she was open to other people and it was a mistake to say "she would'nt limit herself" instead she really just met hey you know, I don't know the future. We have a talk the next day and everything seems fine.
And it stays that way. If anything it's gotten better. Talking more, texting more, she says basicly sex is on the table but I need to keep working on myself and prove I'm stable. If anything she's gone back to her normal gf self complete with phone talks and getting mad at me when I don't respond quickly enough or play Xbox.
I just think adding the guy on facebook is odd. She still plays with this guy a lot. I mean have they shared phone numbers? He lives in AZ too so they could meet up? I mean I know she's not someone who's just going to meet someone for sex. She has to have a built up relationship and be comfortable with that person. Which is probably also why my actions recently have angerd her, it probably makes her think I do think kind of bad things about her. The dude is also married and has kids and to be fair seems like a nice guy. To also be fair she has so many Facebook friends and often adds people just after meeting them once.
So basically I've just created a situation in my head
or have I?
This is why I've started to see a doctor.
