Depression/mental health thread

[Yeti]

So...I'm watching tv and the parent gives the teenager advice and the teenager can actually come to their parents about their problems with it being put aside. Because of how I was raised where my opinions weren't valued I've always wondered if that's how parents acted in real life. The thought of being able to go to your parent for help or advice or them actually caring is foreign to me so the way parents and children act on tv always felt lacking genuity to me. Is that how parents are actually like?

Parents are just people, there are good ones and bad ones. I think most parents have that empathy for their kids where they help them out, or at least try to. From what I've heard of your parents they it sounds like they aren't even trying. You deserved better. You deserve better.

[Bebpo]

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[Bebpo]

Ok, got a new room and it’s normal sound levels now (instead of someone showering over your head 24/7). Got a jazz heritage tour in 2 hours so probably won’t sleep until the afternoon, but actually sleeping after 2 nights of no sleep should help my mood.

[Bebpo]

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[chronovore]

Eat a beignet for me!

[Tasty]

Hope you feel better soon Wrath. Thinking of you.

[Bebpo]

Eat a beignet for me!

I don't really get beignets, though I'm sure that will pick a fight with some people here.

I've had them in CA and they're eh, I've had them twice here at two different famous spots and eh. They're basically donuts that are less tasty/satisfying/filling?...what's the point?

I'd rather have a croissant or a donut. This is some less satisfying middle ground and you get the powdered suger all over your lips and it turns gooey and feels gross until you wipe it off.

Otoh, the chicory(?) coffee is good. When I heard it was made from a terrible tasting tea that they pour coffee into 80/20 to hide the taste I was expecting something bad, but it tastes solid coffee.

At this point I've tried most of the snack+caffeine drink styles around the world and my favorite has got to be the English afternoon tea and a light slice of cake. That shit is relaxing and tasty and gives you a moment of peace and joy in a day. I guess I'm an old British grandma or something because I love that custom.

[Himu]

You know when you think you're getting better and then one day just crash and it all falls apart? Today is one of those days for me. It's my first December as a Christian since I was a teenager and I can't be happy.

[Madrun Badrun]

I crash like ever 4 months. 

[thisismyusername]

So I stopped Remeron for a week without telling the docs because I wanted to see what happened.

For one: My insomnia came back, it was manage-able and I got sleep but falling asleep (which was the biggest issue before the meds) came back hard. Nothing an energy drink and a nap in the evening couldn't fix.


They wanted me to start Wellbutrin, but I did like one day of that, didn't see any improvement on it in regards to energy levels (I was still tired from the Remeron) and said "fuck that" and didn't take any of the others in the bottle since.

I don't feel any better or worse with these meds or off these meds. They stop me from crying randomly, which is alright... I guess. But my motivation is still shot, I still hate myself severely and wish I was dead daily due to various life-factors. So, I mean... why should I continue to take these meds outside of the Remeron knocking my ass out?

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm half wondering if a Remeron overdose would at least make me sleep perma.

[close]

[Madrun Badrun]

Just turned in a class project that went exceedingly bad.  Part of the reason for that is depression hit me the last 2 months and i've been in a brain fog.  Literally, all I want to do is sleep. 

[Himu]

Bye

[Madrun Badrun]

You OK?

[Himu]

More and more I want to kill myself and I already know that's likely how I'm going to go out.

[I'm a Puppy!]

Hang in there. I need someone to banter theology with

[Himu]

Ayyyy fuck off you haven't talked to me about that in months

[Tasty]

I thought things were OK? You were able to get your hormones, right? You seemed pretty excited after that.

I will say that I was pretty worried about you after that episode, but you told me you'd be fine after getting the hormones.

[I'm a Puppy!]

Hang in there. I need someone to tell me to fuck off

[Tasty]

I hate to do this, but speaking of: isn't suicide like a big deal in Catholicism?

[Himu]

I was doing ok. I'm hanging on, but things are hard. My car is in the shop and I can can't afford to get it out. I haven't been able to afford jiu jitsu in two months so now I owe two months back and that's 360 dollars, which I don't have. Month three is coming up soon so that'll be 540 dollars. Jiu jitsu helps me stay sane and non depressive because of the HIIT exercise I get from it. I can barely afford rent and I feel stuck. I've been looking into escorting and getting tips from escorts like on how to screen clients and stuff. In fact, I will be starting as an escort and take clients as soon as I get my car and some spare change to afford hotels. I spent thanksgiving alone. I'll be spending Christmas alone as well. The Disney-Fox buyout and net neutrality thing also have me on wits end as I see both decisions as profound evil that goes against every moral compass in my body which is funny because I highly considered ending it after seeing Episode 8. Basically, life is shit and there's nothing to look forward to except the day we all die to finally escape.

[bork]

Himu, please call the national suicide prevention hotline or speak to someone at your church or just speak to anyone about this.  Please.

[hungrynoob]

I was doing ok. I'm hanging on, but things are hard. My car is in the shop and I can can't afford to get it out. I haven't been able to afford jiu jitsu in two months so now I owe two months back and that's 360 dollars, which I don't have. Month three is coming up soon so that'll be 540 dollars. Jiu jitsu helps me stay sane and non depressive because of the HIIT exercise I get from it. I can barely afford rent and I feel stuck. I've been looking into escorting and getting tips from escorts like on how to screen clients and stuff. In fact, I will be starting as an escort and take clients as soon as I get my car and some spare change to afford hotels. I spent thanksgiving alone. I'll be spending Christmas alone as well. The Disney-Fox buyout and net neutrality thing also have me on wits end as I see both decisions as profound evil that goes against every moral compass in my body which is funny because I highly considered ending it after seeing Episode 8. Basically, life is shit and there's nothing to look forward to except the day we all die to finally escape.

180 dollars a month for jiu jitsu? holy shit that is expensive, is eddie bravo teaching you personally? If you can barely afford rent, you need to prioritise in the short term, yes jiu jitsu probably makes you feel better, but the financial committments without the monetry supply will add to the stess and the depression ten-fold, money is one of the biggest continuing factors of low mood and its something i know a bit about. That alone will make you feel like youve lost contol of your life, and tbh you will cling to jiu jitsu as one of the last things that make you happy, but I think you should seriously weigh up whether that outweighs the negative impact of losing that much money has on your life. I'm going to make an educated assumption, and say most times out of 10, that answer is its not, but you need to answer that honestly to yourself.

Start cutting out shit that you can live without, so you can at least survive, gain a little control and once you get to that point, start planning how you want to do start achieving things that are going to make you feel better again. Speaking to a counsellor throughout that process can help. But the longer you keep feeling powerless the worse you will feel.

[Himu]

Uhhhhh 1. BJJ is expensive no matter where you are. 2. It should be obvious from my language that I am in a contract and therefore legally obligated to pay. It is basically another bill at this point.

[bork]

What is obvious from your language is that you are in dire need of help and I urge you to speak with someone.  Are there any family members that you can move in with, to cut out rent, until you get back on your feet?

[Himu]

I'm trying to get help. Also preparing to become a ho.

[benjipwns]

Before you make further decisions. As your attorney I am required to notify you about certain aspects of the law.

Like how I'm not licensed to practice law anywhere.

[Himu]

Tried the church and there's nothing they can do.

[bork]

Becoming a prostitute doesn't sound like a very smart or safe life choice.  If debt is the issue, aren't there services that can help with that sort of thing?

[Himu]

Becoming a prostitute doesn't sound like a very smart or safe life choice.  If debt is the issue, aren't there services that can help with that sort of thing?

It's the best choice at this point. I'm tired of being poor and without prospects.

[Himu]

If I don't get 180 bucks before the 20th I'm fucked.

[Himu]

My friend and I said we'd start escorting together and that we'd' support one another. She had her first client the other day! He didn't fuck her though. They just kinda talked and she got paid? I'm scared but looking forward to getting paid. Some escorts brag about bringing in 10k a month. Give me money!

[Himu]

I am going to trade from things like backpage. Screening my first client now.

[Himu]

If you're hot you're going to end up dead or in jail. If you're not you're just going to stay broke or do increasingly dangerous things to get small amounts of money. Don't become a street ho.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=4451781&page=1

The money

[benjipwns]

that was spring 2008 tho

[Himu]

that was spring 2008 tho

I know lots of escorts and they make amazing cash

[benjipwns]

After taxes?

[HardcoreRetro]

If I don't get 180 bucks before the 20th I'm fucked.

With your new plan you end up fucked either way.

(Hope the awful joke cheers you up.)



Here's some music that cheered me up in my darkest period.

[CatsCatsCats]

If you’re going to do sex work have you thought about being an Internet ho instead? You could start camming, sell access to a snap chat, hopefully hook a whale that will pay you for attention, etc. Safer than meeting johns. Recommended reading: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23122113-ho-tactics

[Himu]

I'd rather do actual hooking. More reward.

[Himu]

I seriously don't get the point in continuing to live. Even if I ever become happy, it'll become short lived. I can't have children so I can't pass on my genes. The likelihood of me finding love and getting married is maybe 1%. I'm seriously considering ending it. I don't get the point anymore.

[benjipwns]

to see what happens

[benjipwns]

So I stopped Remeron for a week without telling the docs because I wanted to see what happened.

For one: My insomnia came back, it was manage-able and I got sleep but falling asleep (which was the biggest issue before the meds) came back hard. Nothing an energy drink and a nap in the evening couldn't fix.

You try cracking the Remeron in half? At first it was like you described but then I sorta adjusted to it to where I felt like I had more control than the full dose, could let it knock me out, or say "knock me out for just six hours" which has to totally be Placebo. But I'm fine with Placebo, it's a great drug, and cheap.

I can't say anything positive about Wellbutrin as I noted before in here and elsewhere I couldn't ever tell if I had taken it or not aside from the fact that I set my pills out each day as routine compulsion. I guess one good thing about that is you don't have to ease off it, you can just stop. I would have suggested you try a week or so at least, I mean, if you've already got them it couldn't hurt. And if nothing fuck em. And their stupid commercials.

[benjipwns]

i just wasted five minutes looking for a clip from the Dilbert TV show where they replace all the company's medical care with "wonder drugs" call PLAH-SEA-BO

seems like if you want a late 1990s poorly rated cartoon series clip uploaded on YouTube you just have to do it yourself (see also, The Critic)

[chronovore]

I seriously don't get the point in continuing to live. Even if I ever become happy, it'll become short lived. I can't have children so I can't pass on my genes. The likelihood of me finding love and getting married is maybe 1%. I'm seriously considering ending it. I don't get the point anymore.

There's research going on where DNA from both parents in a same-sex marriage could be mixed. But that's just genetics; you can adopt and benefit from your memetic legacy being passed to another generation.

But don't sit on those dark thoughts. Call a hotline. Get actual help. 1-800-273-8255

[Himu]

I feel much better after paying my bills. The extra stress from the bills sent me over the edge.

[Joe Molotov]

i just wasted five minutes looking for a clip from the Dilbert TV show where they replace all the company's medical care with "wonder drugs" call PLAH-SEA-BO

seems like if you want a late 1990s poorly rated cartoon series clip uploaded on YouTube you just have to do it yourself (see also, The Critic)

I like the episodes with the funny foreign people.

[hungrynoob]

I feel much better after paying my bills. The extra stress from the bills sent me over the edge.

I think the advice to seek help is still valid, there was a lot going on behind just the bills, is it only going to take one more missed bill to send you right back? Happiness can come in many forms which can be hard to see when you are surrounded by very little of it. Depression can open your mind in many ways whilst making you blind at the same time. To find happiness you need to start building your foundation now; that allows you to start looking to the future and living the rest of your life. And not to the past, being able to allow yourself to drop all negativity youve experienced up until now thats put you there and developing the tools necessary mentally to ovecome those challenges.

it's just a recommendation though, you're obviously free to do whatever you want. And whilst you must make that decision on your own, if people genuinely think youre choosing the best thing for you, they will support you.

[thisismyusername]

So I stopped Remeron for a week without telling the docs because I wanted to see what happened.

For one: My insomnia came back, it was manage-able and I got sleep but falling asleep (which was the biggest issue before the meds) came back hard. Nothing an energy drink and a nap in the evening couldn't fix.

You try cracking the Remeron in half? At first it was like you described but then I sorta adjusted to it to where I felt like I had more control than the full dose, could let it knock me out, or say "knock me out for just six hours" which has to totally be Placebo. But I'm fine with Placebo, it's a great drug, and cheap.

I can't say anything positive about Wellbutrin as I noted before in here and elsewhere I couldn't ever tell if I had taken it or not aside from the fact that I set my pills out each day as routine compulsion. I guess one good thing about that is you don't have to ease off it, you can just stop. I would have suggested you try a week or so at least, I mean, if you've already got them it couldn't hurt. And if nothing fuck em. And their stupid commercials.

Catching up on this. No, I haven't broken them in half. It works so I haven't bothered with messing with it.

I haven't taken it in a few days and so I have been waking up in the middle of the night/sleep problems again. I'm starting to think I'm either dependent on it or I'm pretty much gonna have to be on meds 24/7 to have no issues sleeping.

I haven't really noticed anything huge in a spike increase with Wellbutrin, so I'm going to drop that this coming week when I go in for a review.

[HardcoreRetro]

Does anyone know if anti-depressants help with listlessness

They helped me with that 2 years back. (And are still helping me with it.) I basically went from staying in bed all day hoping I'd not wake up the next morning to actually trying to get my life back on track.

But as said in Cindi's anti-depressant thread, it's pretty much a crapshoot. Just gotta find what works for you.

[HardcoreRetro]

The anti-depressants take something like two weeks to a month to work properly. And at first they might actually make you feel worse.

Just make sure that's the exercise is actually helping and that it isn't just that you're afraid of taking the pills. Cause you might be hamstringing yourself in that case.

[VomKriege]

Did the doctor tell you why she wouldn't ? Pills can help but shouldn't be given lightly. She might have a point.

[Bebpo]

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[eleuin]

I saw your post beb and I have nothing to add other than empathizing with a lot of what you said. The blurred lines of sexual attraction probably bothers me the least, but that one's only a "problem" in the sense that I'd get disowned if I ever talked about it 

[Himu]

I glmpsed it earlier and didn't get to see it in full because I was exhausted and wanted to come back to it, and I'm frankly disappointed you've deleted it. You need help. We are vulnerable in this thread. At least try to trust us.

[Bebpo]

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[Himu]

It's okay. There's ways to hide things without outright deleting them. Do you mind writing a summary of what you originally wrote?

[Bebpo]

I don't even know outside some general points. It was literally just a train of thoughts. It's ok though, I'll get those thoughts again and will post stuff again as I always do every so often in this thread.

[chronovore]

 I read it all, and empathized with it.

You’re a sweet, kind, and caring man. You are in touch enough with your own feelings that you recognize attraction in many forms. I have that, too That’s a gift, not a problem. Or, rather, it is whatever your thinking makes it out to be, to paraphrase Mark Twain.

[seagrams hotsauce]

That was intense. I'm glad you're doing better and looking forward, thanks for sharing that.

[chronovore]

I wrote about when I planned to kill myself in 2016 and what happened after.

I haven't taken the time to write anything in so long and I feel like its all absolute garbage but whatever. I'm getting better at being sad.

I'm glad that things are better, and inspired by your help to others.