Author Topic: Depression/mental health thread  (Read 108914 times)

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I'm a Puppy!

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #300 on: September 20, 2018, 03:03:06 PM »
Good post all in all, but just to not end on a complete nihilistic downer: if you want meaning, you can make your own or find someone else's and hitch your ride to their's. That's fine, even if it's not 'big' or 'important'.
When I was 15 my parents moved to a new city. It was just the next town over but I was devastated because I'd lose all my "Friends" that I made through elementary school to High school. But looking back it was one of the most positive things in my life, because it gave me a chance to be no one. And when you're no one, you're free to be who you really are.
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Rufus

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #301 on: September 20, 2018, 04:22:47 PM »
When I was 15 my parents moved to a new city. It was just the next town over but I was devastated because I'd lose all my "Friends" that I made through elementary school to High school. But looking back it was one of the most positive things in my life, because it gave me a chance to be no one. And when you're no one, you're free to be who you really are.
In my case (5 resets before 20), a mostly internally (i.e. barely) motivated, ascetic loner who's come to actively enjoy the shedding of old relationships (fuck Facebook for this reason alone :yuck).

So, uh, take heed, I guess. :doge

Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #302 on: September 20, 2018, 06:07:27 PM »
There is no one size fits all answer, Cindi. Asking "what should I do" is fine but really the person you need to be asking that to is your therapist.

That said, being someone that's "known" you over forums for over a decade now, I will engage in some armchair diagnosis. This is all just my opinion but everything I'm saying stems from wanting the best for you.

First, I think asking "what do I do" or "how do I fix this" is getting ahead of yourself. First you need to ask "why" to a lot of this. In my amateur opinion, a lot of your issues stem from identity issues and wanting to belong. When I say "identity issues" I am absolutely NOT talking about gender identity, let me just say that for the record I 110% believe that you're a woman. You will get no argument from me on that. I'm talking in a more general "belonging to a group and feeling like you belong." It's hard enough being black in America, but to grow up a black nerd in a religious household, and be a trans woman on top of that has to be incredibly isolating. Humanity is all about tribalism in my opinion, and not feeling like you fit in with any given tribe has to suck and be stressful.

I think that need to belong is what drives you to "try out" so many different tribes, whether it's jiu-jitsu, fighting game community, forums, socialists and other political groups, firearm lunatics, and if I can remember just about every religion under the sun. I think your underlying need for this crazy life to make sense drives you to adopt whatever group you've just joined as a guiding life philosophy. Your lack of "belonging" drives your zealous commitment to whatever group/cause/culture you've just immersed yourself in.

So, there's my armchair diagnosis. Here's my prescription:
1. Don't try to make yourself fit into any particular world. Tell the world to accept you as you are.
2. Don't feel the need to believe in anything. There is no "why." There is no rhyme or reason. There is no God, Yahweh, Buddha, Allah, or Spongebob Squarepants. All there is, is a random chance and collection of atoms. There's no afterlife. Just this life. Make it count.

All just my opinion. Take it for what you will.

You’re right and you’re also wrong. You’re right in that I do search for community as someone who doesn’t feel like they fit in even with their family. But not everything I do is for community or finding a place. For instance, the fighting game community. It just so happened fighting games were and are pretty much game genre I love playing now. And I wanted to get good at them. So I started showing up at local meet ups. Nothing more than that. I didn’t go in wanting a community. I just wanted to play games, git gud, and hang out with people. Same with Jiu jitsu. I started bjj not for a community but because I wanted to get fit without going to the gym because I hated running on a machine like a gerbil. Jiu jitsu offers a better alternative to that.

But you’re right about the rest.

I disagree about the nihilism at the end but I know I can’t change your mind on that.
IYKYK

I'm a Puppy!

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #303 on: September 21, 2018, 01:48:26 AM »
Let me rephrase what my friend Snore was saying to be more of a puppy flavor.

I have this analogy that life is full of boxes. And you carry these around. And the secret is to empty as many boxes as possible. But people think moving contents from box to another is a sign of progress. It's not. Let me give you an example. My wife's parents were insanely devout in their religious convictions/belief. They found themselves in a rough patch and found a different variation of belief to go over to. And they went after that whole heartedly and left the old beliefs behind, thinking they were so much better off now. But in my eyes they're still in the same place, they just took all the energy they were putting into one belief and moved it to another. When that one gets old they'll do it again. But there's no difference, they're still carrying that weight.


The secret is to let it go. Only by being empty can we be filled with what is truly meaningful.
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ToxicAdam

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #304 on: September 21, 2018, 08:37:21 AM »
I disagree.

There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.

It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
 
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.


Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.


I'm a Puppy!

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #305 on: September 21, 2018, 10:14:29 AM »
Or maybe it's just that each person is different and therefore requires different solutions to their problems but people can only tell you what works for them because they only have visibility to themselves.
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benjipwns

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #306 on: September 21, 2018, 10:19:47 AM »
Or maybe it's just that each person is different and therefore requires different solutions to their problems but people can only tell you what works for them because they only have visibility to themselves.
this sounds sketchy tbh

Atramental

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #307 on: September 21, 2018, 10:27:14 AM »
Or maybe it's just that each person is different and therefore requires different solutions to their problems but people can only tell you what works for them because they only have visibility to themselves.
Exactly.

None of us are really equipped to give super accurate advice on how to manage a “mental space” of someone we’re not. All we can really say is “This worked for me. Try it out but... you should really see a therapist first.”

Hence why I stopped giving advice and attention to Rahx in the dating thread because it’s painfully obvious that we are not on the same mental wavelength. Even though I myself have had gone through my own periods of depression, anxiety, inceldom, bitterness, etc. I figured out my own way around all that shit through trial & error, persistence, and changing bad habits into good habits (both mental & physical).

Human Snorenado

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #308 on: September 21, 2018, 12:29:05 PM »
I disagree.

There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.

It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
 
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.


Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.

That may be true for some people but by her own admission Cindi is not in a healthy, comfortable place.
yar

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #309 on: September 21, 2018, 12:30:28 PM »
Ya, that's the thing.  Its fine if it leads to a positive life, otherwise its not. 

Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #310 on: September 21, 2018, 12:59:35 PM »
I disagree.

There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.

It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
 
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.


Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.

That may be true for some people but by her own admission Cindi is not in a healthy, comfortable place.

I mostly blame Catholicism, the political landscape, and the fact people call me mentally ill on that though. I agree with Toxic about seeking. My main concern is how extreme I get with it.
IYKYK

ToxicAdam

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #311 on: September 21, 2018, 01:16:23 PM »

That may be true for some people but by her own admission Cindi is not in a healthy, comfortable place.

I guess there's where the rub lies. Is she not healthy, comfortable because she is exhausted from the never-ending internal battles? Or is she not healthy, comfortable because all the feedback (through society and peers) that are telling her that she should not be happy.

That's the trap most depressives fall into. Too reliant on validation through others, whether it be implied or spelled out. Once you get on that hamster wheel, it never ends and you always feel empty.

I think that's the overall journey in a nutshell. Can you get to a place where the validation you crave comes mostly from yourself? That doesn't mean becoming an island, but it means having healthy boundaries.


Steve Contra

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #312 on: September 21, 2018, 04:22:07 PM »
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.
Take it from someone who has done lots and lots and lots of mental health work and seen someone close to me do some of the hardest work imaginable, there isn't much external that's going to fix what's going on in your head. There isn't a belief system or activities that are going to take over the role of challenging, personal work. I went years and years looking for that "thing" that was going to suddenly make it all go away, and things would work for a while and then it would come back and each time it would worse until shit got really bad and I was able to find a therapist who was able to work with me on fixing myself and opening up and looking at what inside me was fucking me up. And it was hard and very painful and shit got worse for a while (this is the part people don't like, that therapy as opposed to quick fixes can fuck you up really bad before it gets better) but eventually I was able to change lots, accept shit that wasn't going to change, and be at peace with that. And it come back from time to time and I have to remind that I have it in me to return and do the work again instead of flying off the handle or spiraling into dark depression. Feel free to message any time about any of this, I have loads of experience and can lend an ear.
vin

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #313 on: September 21, 2018, 05:12:09 PM »
And it was hard and very painful and shit got worse for a while (this is the part people don't like, that therapy as opposed to quick fixes can fuck you up really bad before it gets better)

U-shaped progress is real and a huuuuuuuuuuge bitch.

Human Snorenado

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #314 on: September 21, 2018, 05:22:34 PM »
Another thing some people don't understand about therapy: it's not going to "fix" you. It's going to hopefully give you the tools to be the best broken version of yourself you can be, and make healthier choices going forward.
yar

chronovore

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #315 on: September 21, 2018, 07:27:12 PM »
I disagree.

There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.

It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
 
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.


Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.

Yeah, but the people who find solace on that path are usually accepting that they are exploring, that there are many perspectives out there in the world. They aren't the full-on, This Is The One Truth (and Your Truth Is Wrong), insta-expert, belligerent zealot that Cindi manages to manifest each time she switches horses.

TVC15

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #316 on: September 21, 2018, 09:11:56 PM »
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that extreme opinion changes you have a not normal.  Not because changing opinions and beliefs is a bad thing but because of how much of yourself you put behind those beliefs and how much of personality change these seem to go with.  You also tend to be very combative and aggressive about them - now that is partly what Tasty said is we here, myself included, have egged you on to be more aggressive and its natural to be combative when people are teasing or outright being mean to you, however, I do feel like your mental health is a contributing factor.  And I don't say this to be mean but in the decade you and I have been posting here, you have seemed to become more unstable, especially in the last couple of years.

What should I do?

Come with me. We’ll eat human flesh and quiver in joy as we watch the best and worst and most mediocre of erotic thrillers repeatedly while vaping The Shit. 
serge

Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #317 on: September 21, 2018, 10:35:40 PM »
I disagree.

There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.

It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
 
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.


Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.

Yeah, but the people who find solace on that path are usually accepting that they are exploring, that there are many perspectives out there in the world. They aren't the full-on, This Is The One Truth (and Your Truth Is Wrong), insta-expert, belligerent zealot that Cindi manages to manifest each time she switches horses.

I do that because I have a low self esteem. I want to feel important and valued so I puff my chest like that.
IYKYK

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #318 on: September 21, 2018, 10:35:57 PM »
Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling "bummed out"?

BlueTsunami

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #319 on: September 22, 2018, 12:35:34 AM »
Fucking broke down watching a TED talks animation vid on the Myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. Like, straight up sobbing, cover my shame from the world.
:9

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #320 on: September 22, 2018, 12:55:46 AM »
that wasn't depression, ted talks is just garbage
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Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #321 on: September 22, 2018, 07:58:48 AM »
Went to cousins wedding and felt like a ghost. I think I’m done with family events - they give me nothing but anxiety. I had never met my cousins bride before and he didn’t introduce me. When I tried to introduce myself she just said hi. I know they’re busy and everything and I came to see my cousin tie the knot, but like, I took two days off for this. I am not allowed vacation time at my job until I’ve worked there a year. So I worked 8 days in a row to be able to go to his wedding since my regular days off are Tues/Wed and they don’t offer sick leave. Since I took Friday and Saturday off, they won’t grant me my usual Tues/Wed so I’ll have to work 9 days in a row again, some of which with 10-12 hour days. I sacrificed a lot to be there for him and he can’t introduce me to his bride? At one point after dinner I had to get out. Immediately. If I had a cig I would have smoked it. Every family event I end up being surrounded by family and yet feel so utterly alone and invisible. I could tell I was not expected much less wanted. So I think I’m done. Going to a homeless shelter again for thanksgiving and Christmas.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2018, 08:03:00 AM by Cindi Mayweather »
IYKYK

chronovore

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #322 on: September 22, 2018, 09:52:56 PM »
I disagree.

There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.

It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
 
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.


Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.

Yeah, but the people who find solace on that path are usually accepting that they are exploring, that there are many perspectives out there in the world. They aren't the full-on, This Is The One Truth (and Your Truth Is Wrong), insta-expert, belligerent zealot that Cindi manages to manifest each time she switches horses.

I do that because I have a low self esteem. I want to feel important and valued so I puff my chest like that.

OK, but you recognize that it's just alienating people who could otherwise support you, right? It's a form of self-sabotage.

I have low self-esteem too. You can figure out a better way to manage it while you learn to address the problem. It must be stunningly hard to deal with when your support system is so broken.

Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #323 on: September 22, 2018, 10:11:51 PM »
You're not wrong.
IYKYK

benjipwns

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #324 on: September 23, 2018, 05:59:31 AM »
Went to cousins wedding and felt like a ghost. I think I’m done with family events - they give me nothing but anxiety. I had never met my cousins bride before and he didn’t introduce me. When I tried to introduce myself she just said hi. ... At one point after dinner I had to get out. Immediately. If I had a cig I would have smoked it. Every family event I end up being surrounded by family and yet feel so utterly alone and invisible. I could tell I was not expected much less wanted.
Is this not how non-immediate family (or equivalent) weddings are supposed to go for people not in the wedding party*?

Coincidentally, I went to a cousin's wedding recently and much of your description is basically how the groom's dad was treated after he did his small part in the ceremony. He had his cigarettes though.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
*It seems like every wedding I've been to in the last decade seems like it's designed as punishment for the guests. And the bride and groom. (But not the bridesmaids. Assi is right!!!!)
[close]

Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #325 on: September 23, 2018, 07:21:38 AM »
Went to cousins wedding and felt like a ghost. I think I’m done with family events - they give me nothing but anxiety. I had never met my cousins bride before and he didn’t introduce me. When I tried to introduce myself she just said hi. ... At one point after dinner I had to get out. Immediately. If I had a cig I would have smoked it. Every family event I end up being surrounded by family and yet feel so utterly alone and invisible. I could tell I was not expected much less wanted.
Is this not how non-immediate family (or equivalent) weddings are supposed to go for people not in the wedding party*?

Coincidentally, I went to a cousin's wedding recently and much of your description is basically how the groom's dad was treated after he did his small part in the ceremony. He had his cigarettes though.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
*It seems like every wedding I've been to in the last decade seems like it's designed as punishment for the guests. And the bride and groom. (But not the bridesmaids. Assi is right!!!!)
[close]

Here’s the family dynamic.

We are first cousins. Grandma and grandpa had three kids. Of those children, I am the oldest grandchild. Then we have a boy born of the middle child. A boy and then later a girl born of the youngest. The one married was the third grand child born.

Second grandchild was made a groom man. His sister was with the ladies. Essentially all three grandchildren were involved in the wedding except me. I was not approached or considered. That said, they had rehearsal on Thursday night and I couldn’t be there because work. So maybe I’m being emotional about that point.

But on the other, our extended family is fairly close. We used to go to gather for not only Christmas and Thanksgiving, but also Mother’s Day, father’s day, Easter, and occasionally July 4. On New Year’s Eve us four cousins would almost always go to grandmas house growing up when we were kids and have a sleepover party. Suffice to say, that dynamic has changed as we have gotten older and went our own ways, but I would expect that when your older cousin flew from out of state, took work off, and sacrificed to see your wedding, that you could at least introduce me to your bride.

And personally, I tend to feel like that at family events now. I often have to find my own corner and stay out of sight.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2018, 07:29:36 AM by Cindi Mayweather »
IYKYK

Assimilate

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #326 on: September 23, 2018, 08:24:56 AM »
I'm fat and it's making me unhappy.  I put on like 15 pounds in the last 6 months.  Also, I might be having a midlife crisis because I have an extreme urge to get a mohawk again.
Hit the gym hard, get swole, and rock that fucking mohawk.  Easy peasy.

---------------------
Never realized how many of you were on meds.

The dichotomy between here and there is fascinating to me. On one end everyone in the states seems so on edge, always on meds, constantly depressed. Meanwhile, here you can go from a beautiful sunny day at the beach to driving by and hearing gun fire.

I think it has something to do with the visual perception of happiness. In the states the economy is well, you can work if you want to, you can buy a bunch of shit, but no one is happy because there is always someone next to you 'better'. Someone with a nicer car, nicer house, better career, or it all seems that way. And so it's this endless pursuit of happiness that i think is driving fuckers crazy.

Here, it's not like that. Everyone recognises most of the population is in the shitter, and so what else are you going to do but enjoy yourself?


TVC15

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #327 on: September 23, 2018, 10:40:53 PM »
I hate myself and I wish I was dead. I wish I could die tonight. There’s so little that’s worthwhile.
serge

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #328 on: September 23, 2018, 10:58:45 PM »
that wasn't depression, ted talks is just garbage

counter: they can be good

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #329 on: September 23, 2018, 11:25:49 PM »
I hate myself and I wish I was dead. I wish I could die tonight. There’s so little that’s worthwhile.
bowsette is all we need, bb  :-*
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Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #330 on: September 26, 2018, 12:13:21 AM »
Of the current culture wars Christians mostly posit that society has lost its way in a den of hedonism. And they may have a point, but that doesn’t mean that Christianity necessarily has the tools to fix the problems they purport. Christianity has historically been used as a tool against progress. Christians used it to prove black people should remain slaves and that the institution of slavery is biblical.

And I quote an Episcopal priest of his era:

Quote
[God's approval or disapproval of slavery] can only be settled by the Bible... From his Word there can be no appeal... If it were a matter to be determined by my personal sympathies, tastes, or feelings, I should be as ready as any man to condemn the institution of slavery; for all my prejudices of education, habit, and social position stand entirely opposed to it.
But as a Christian... I am compelled to submit my weak and erring intellect to the authority of the Almighty.

He then proceeds to provide a thorough proof of why the Bible allows slavery. They used their  Christian faith in the future to fight interracial marriage and integration of races after decades of segregation using so-called Christian values.

At the same time many Christians used Christianity to argue that slavery has no biblical basis. The story of the Hebrews and Egypt is a massive boon for my people (black Americans), and many progressive abolitionists used faith as the defining argument for black Americans personhood and right to freedom. And yet still, religion played a central role in the civil rights movement as well as Rabbis and Buddhist monks marched along side movements started by Christians and Muslims.

So the overlying argument is whether religion truly acts as a force of morality. It could be argued that historically it solely works to the advantage of the status quo. But it’s equally true that it has worked to aid the oppressed. Both are true, and the answer isn’t black or white.

So it comes down to a personal value question: do you need religion to lead a virtuous life? And I’m going to say that no, you don’t. But now the question is do **I** need religion to lead a virtuous life. And that’s the current dilemma given all arguments provided.

Another 19th century religious figure:



Essentially, I’m looking at religion as a whole right now and applying the scripture of “you shall know them by their fruit” fully to see if I want to continue staying on this despite believing in God. What are the works of religion exactly? What indeed?
IYKYK

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #331 on: September 26, 2018, 12:17:38 AM »
Isn't there an argument to be made that Christianity is actually responsible from bringing the individual out of bondage? Considering human slavery under Christianity was shorter than any other time period.

Slave to a state or ruler was a thing for thousands of thousands of years was it not?

Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #332 on: September 26, 2018, 12:19:21 AM »
Isn't there an argument to be made that Christianity is actually responsible from bringing the individual out of bondage? Considering human slavery under Christianity was shorter than any other time period.

Slave to a state or ruler was a thing for thousands of thousands of years was it not?

And yet that slavery was also considered the most brutal.
IYKYK

Assimilate

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #333 on: September 26, 2018, 12:20:56 AM »

And yet that slavery was also considered the most brutal.
I'm not sure how you'd measure that?

I mean, Egyptians died by the thousands building pointy buildings for dudes in pointy hats for centuries.

Himu

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #334 on: September 26, 2018, 12:27:07 AM »

And yet that slavery was also considered the most brutal.
I'm not sure how you'd measure that?

I mean, Egyptians died by the thousands building pointy buildings for dudes in pointy hats for centuries.

https://www.usnews.com/science/articles/2010/01/12/egypt-new-find-shows-slaves-didnt-build-pyramids

Nah.

Losing your religion, culture, language, identity, having your children ripped from your arms, families separated, rape, abuse, science experiments, forced enslavement over generations, harsh work conditions, being treated as currency, and general dehumanization are reasons pretty much all historians are on the side of the Atlantic slave trade is considered the most brutal in history.

I am using my words deliberately here. I have not said American either. I’m talking about the whole shebang. American black slaves had it awful, but slavery in the Caribbean and South America was practically genocide.

In other forms of slavery there was a relationship between master and slave. The slavery we are talking about didn’t consider the slaves even human. The slavery discussed in the Bible isn’t remotely the same kind.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2018, 12:33:39 AM by Cindi Mayweather »
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #335 on: September 26, 2018, 12:40:46 AM »
What I find interesting is that the way slavery is taught sometimes warps things a bit.

You're made to think that some europeans had a lightbulb moment and thought "hey let's go to Africa and take those people" when in fact seeking out cheap labor was a major endeavor everywhere and when they got to Africa and saw an established wide open market that had been well established for centuries they rolled into it hard and started exporting as much as they could. Like they would with any resource.

I'm sure in their minds it was "Christopher, we need to round up as much of this labor force as we can before Miguel Antonio gets here from goddamn Portugal" and so it went. Not a moment of reflection that this could have been wrong and immoral.

At least until sections of the Bible gives some of these people power of individuality, and the rights of the 'creator.'


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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #336 on: September 26, 2018, 12:46:34 AM »
this seems like the wrong thread for this discussion
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #337 on: September 26, 2018, 09:32:07 AM »
Only if you’re a dip shit.
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #338 on: September 26, 2018, 11:05:47 AM »
The Taino had no system of slavery and yet Europeans came and enslaved them. People actually found this wrong and immoral at the time.

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #339 on: September 26, 2018, 01:58:18 PM »
If there is a hell, it's full of racist "christians".
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #340 on: September 26, 2018, 02:01:12 PM »
I've been enslaved by my cock and balls my whole life. The cruelest master of them all.


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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #341 on: September 26, 2018, 02:07:34 PM »
I've been enslaved by my cock and balls my whole life. The cruelest master of them all.
so true

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #342 on: September 26, 2018, 03:15:12 PM »
You've been enslaved by Toxic's cock and balls all your life too? 

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #343 on: September 26, 2018, 03:15:24 PM »
so true

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #344 on: September 26, 2018, 03:20:05 PM »

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #345 on: September 26, 2018, 03:51:50 PM »
I've been enslaved by my cock and balls my whole life. The cruelest master of them all.



Nothing's stopping you from chemical castration. :bolo

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #346 on: September 26, 2018, 03:53:43 PM »
Also I've been thinking this week legitimately for the first time about seeing a therapist myself. I have nothing against them and frequently recommend them to those going through hardships, but that hasn't historically described my situation. However, my emotional status has been a rollercoaster for much of this year for no external reason. I get severely unhappy sometimes, but I'm not sure way.

Alcohol exacerbates that, which is partly why my intake over the course of 2018 probably looks something like this:



And I am pretty happy about that, even if I'm consuming just as much of another drug (weed) to make up for it.

I asked work about our mental health benefits and policies and was told the only way to find out was to call a phone number. Which means I'm gonna procrastinate that shit til the end of time. ::)
« Last Edit: September 26, 2018, 03:58:15 PM by Tasty Meat »

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #347 on: September 26, 2018, 04:31:06 PM »
A lot of health insurances cover therapy so I just say look into local counseling places and see if they take your insurance. Also many therapy clinics have a sliding scale so you just pay depending on how much you make. You have a good job and make money so I wouldn't worry.

Also possibly look into whether the clinic is lgbt friendly. I have gone to lgbt counseling services and it's much more welcoming place because you don't feel like you have to worry how they'll react. See if that's a possibility.
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #348 on: September 27, 2018, 07:14:15 PM »
I've been enslaved by my cock and balls my whole life. The cruelest master of them all.



Nothing's stopping you from chemical castration. :bolo
Having looked into those things as a way to be happy with no pressures. Doesn’t sound like they would help with that.

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #349 on: October 03, 2018, 04:24:22 PM »
I just realized something is wrong with me. I devote an excessive amount of energy to my job which is much more than required for low paid prole work. I put in unpaid hours so I can "get things done" despite people telling me that I could be fired . The truth is that I'm not even really productive when I'm off the clock, either. Sometimes I walk into work to hang out. In other words, I think I'm trying to find meaning in my unskilled labor, but because that's impossible, the process is just leaving me drained and wayward.

Last night while I was at home my failson coworker had a kind of existential crisis and started texting me with complaints about some of his tasks which he didn't think he could get done. My other coworker didn't get these same tasks done last night either, and so I went there in the middle of the night to help close because there was no way I was going to let it go unfinished two nights in a row right before my manager came back from vacation. And then after that I showed the  the texts to another manager to vent. Well, she said she was going to bring this up to general management because this guy sucks and has issues getting his work done. But now it's like, why was I there working off the clock? Why is this my problem? Today is my day off and I can't even enjoy it because I'm wondering if they're going to discipline me.

if all this sounds inconsequential and minute, that's because it is. I am squeezing myself over the day to day minutiae of a grocery store and all it's going to leave me with is a termination on my employment history.

Get a hobby? I have a hobbies. Get friends? I have some friends outside of work. But my lack of gainful employment is always going to be an issue for me.

paging Puppy
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #350 on: October 03, 2018, 04:31:23 PM »
I just realized something is wrong with me. I devote an excessive amount of energy to my job which is much more than required for low paid prole work. I put in unpaid hours so I can "get things done" despite people telling me that I could be fired . The truth is that I'm not even really productive when I'm off the clock, either. Sometimes I walk into work to hang out. In other words, I think I'm trying to find meaning in my unskilled labor, but because that's impossible, the process is just leaving me drained and wayward.

Last night while I was at home my failson coworker had a kind of existential crisis and started texting me with complaints about some of his tasks which he didn't think he could get done. My other coworker didn't get these same tasks done last night either, and so I went there in the middle of the night to help close because there was no way I was going to let it go unfinished two nights in a row right before my manager came back from vacation. And then after that I showed the  the texts to another manager to vent. Well, she said she was going to bring this up to general management because this guy sucks and has issues getting his work done. But now it's like, why was I there working off the clock? Why is this my problem? Today is my day off and I can't even enjoy it because I'm wondering if they're going to discipline me.

if all this sounds inconsequential and minute, that's because it is. I am squeezing myself over the day to day minutiae of a grocery store and all it's going to leave me with is a termination on my employment history.

Get a hobby? I have a hobbies. Get friends? I have some friends outside of work. But my lack of gainful employment is always going to be an issue for me.

paging Puppy
You sound pathetic. Go back to college
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #351 on: October 03, 2018, 06:11:18 PM »
I just realized something is wrong with me. I devote an excessive amount of energy to my job which is much more than required for low paid prole work. I put in unpaid hours so I can "get things done" despite people telling me that I could be fired . The truth is that I'm not even really productive when I'm off the clock, either. Sometimes I walk into work to hang out. In other words, I think I'm trying to find meaning in my unskilled labor, but because that's impossible, the process is just leaving me drained and wayward.

Last night while I was at home my failson coworker had a kind of existential crisis and started texting me with complaints about some of his tasks which he didn't think he could get done. My other coworker didn't get these same tasks done last night either, and so I went there in the middle of the night to help close because there was no way I was going to let it go unfinished two nights in a row right before my manager came back from vacation. And then after that I showed the  the texts to another manager to vent. Well, she said she was going to bring this up to general management because this guy sucks and has issues getting his work done. But now it's like, why was I there working off the clock? Why is this my problem? Today is my day off and I can't even enjoy it because I'm wondering if they're going to discipline me.

if all this sounds inconsequential and minute, that's because it is. I am squeezing myself over the day to day minutiae of a grocery store and all it's going to leave me with is a termination on my employment history.

Get a hobby? I have a hobbies. Get friends? I have some friends outside of work. But my lack of gainful employment is always going to be an issue for me.

paging Puppy
Your goals are in the wrong place. What even are your goals?
Also, come on Shos, I know you're like 9 but log into your alts correctly please.
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #352 on: October 03, 2018, 06:23:14 PM »
Bone crushing late night anxiety.

I'm in a horrible fork in the road. On one hand I'm supposed to be studying for something that Is now taking what seems like a lifetime to open, with no sure bet it opens this year (maybe economy here improves, people retire, I can pass the certification and I'm in)

on the other hand the U.S economy is well, why not go back? Apply for something new but then what if everything opens here? How will I be prepared? I haven't studied in months, I forgot half the shit, its' hard, really hard, some people prepare for years.

I have no idea what to do I just keep getting older.

This is so awful and I only feel it at night.

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #353 on: October 03, 2018, 06:26:52 PM »
Your goals are in the wrong place. What even are your goals?
Also, come on Shos, I know you're like 9 but log into your alts correctly please.
You know, current plan was to get promoted and then transfer back to California where I'd make more money and can focus on my actual, real career goals. I started this year with no income, no vehicle, and pretty much no hope, and was just trying to survive. And I'm still just trying to survive, but I thought if I just work a little harder, kill myself a little more, show the right people that I'm worth the risk, I'd have a decent working class income so I could step back and fucking breathe and fix my shit. But now I can feel myself stepping back down Maslow's hierarchy over here and the suffocation's coming back.

Mind you, this isn't about the universal financial struggle everyone experiences. I can handle that, I've developed the tools for that. It's just, you know, working here, I feel like I'm watering a rock and expecting a tree to grow. That's the best way to put it. So as I type it all out I guess the answer is pretty clear: get a different job. Feel useful to someone somehow.
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #354 on: October 03, 2018, 06:27:38 PM »
Your goals are in the wrong place. What even are your goals?
Also, come on Shos, I know you're like 9 but log into your alts correctly please.
You know, current plan was to get promoted and then transfer back to California where I'd make more money and can focus on my actual, real career goals. I started this year with no income, no vehicle, and pretty much no hope,
Jesus... do you have parents?

Any type of safety net outside of the government?

shosta

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #355 on: October 03, 2018, 06:34:08 PM »
Bone crushing late night anxiety.

I'm in a horrible fork in the road. On one hand I'm supposed to be studying for something that Is now taking what seems like a lifetime to open, with no sure bet it opens this year (maybe economy here improves, people retire, I can pass the certification and I'm in)

on the other hand the U.S economy is well, why not go back? Apply for something new but then what if everything opens here? How will I be prepared? I haven't studied in months, I forgot half the shit, its' hard, really hard, some people prepare for years.

I have no idea what to do I just keep getting older.

This is so awful and I only feel it at night.
You only feel it at night because that's when you finally have a moment to yourself to not be distracted by the daily struggle and really think about your own life. Not one thing you have ever said makes it seem like you enjoy living in ****** at all. What career path are we talking about, anyway? Because that probably makes a huge difference. There's a good chance that if you stick with what you're doing you'll make it in, eventually, and find a way to be happy about where you are, versus moving back to the US and starting over in some city where you have no friends at all.
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shosta

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #356 on: October 03, 2018, 06:36:02 PM »
Jesus... do you have parents?

Any type of safety net outside of the government?
I moved back in with my parents last year and have been sticking around because my dad went crazy. If I thought my mom was safe living with him I'd move in with my aunt in the bay area so I could be where I belong instead of this god forsaken shit hole of a desert.
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #357 on: October 03, 2018, 06:41:27 PM »

You only feel it at night because that's when you finally have a moment to yourself to not be distracted by the daily struggle and really think about your own life. Not one thing you have ever said makes it seem like you enjoy living in ****** at all. What career path are we talking about, anyway? Because that probably makes a huge difference. There's a good chance that if you stick with what you're doing you'll make it in, eventually, and find a way to be happy about where you are, versus moving back to the US and starting over in some city where you have no friends at all.
Enjoy living in what?

Not having friends does not bother me. I make friends pretty easily, well, at least temporary girlfriends. I enjoy people not knowing who I am. It's really nice actually. I grew up with a lot of friends in a town where everyone knew everyone. It's nice being able to be whomever I want on a daily basis. So it's the opposite, I fear going back and seeing people I know.

Jesus... do you have parents?

Any type of safety net outside of the government?
I moved back in with my parents last year and have been sticking around because my dad went crazy. If I thought my mom was safe living with him I'd move in with my aunt in the bay area so I could be where I belong instead of this god forsaken shit hole of a desert.
Bay Area is fucking nice man. I'd do that in a heart beat.

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #358 on: October 03, 2018, 07:18:12 PM »
Your goals are in the wrong place. What even are your goals?
Also, come on Shos, I know you're like 9 but log into your alts correctly please.
You know, current plan was to get promoted and then transfer back to California where I'd make more money and can focus on my actual, real career goals. I started this year with no income, no vehicle, and pretty much no hope, and was just trying to survive. And I'm still just trying to survive, but I thought if I just work a little harder, kill myself a little more, show the right people that I'm worth the risk, I'd have a decent working class income so I could step back and fucking breathe and fix my shit. But now I can feel myself stepping back down Maslow's hierarchy over here and the suffocation's coming back.

Mind you, this isn't about the universal financial struggle everyone experiences. I can handle that, I've developed the tools for that. It's just, you know, working here, I feel like I'm watering a rock and expecting a tree to grow. That's the best way to put it. So as I type it all out I guess the answer is pretty clear: get a different job. Feel useful to someone somehow.
Glad I could help.
 :success
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eleuin

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #359 on: October 12, 2018, 01:19:11 AM »
Well boys and girls I picked up my 1st prescription of lexapro, very low dosage so not expecting much side effects

The past few weeks have been the most lethargic I've ever felt, this cannot continue