Author Topic: Depression/mental health thread  (Read 17815 times)

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BlueTsunami

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #480 on: December 14, 2018, 11:11:20 PM »
Twenty years of depression feels like its on its last legs. All due to, seemingly, bad body image issues. Wish I didnt squander my 20s due to this relatively simple fix.

But as that veil pulls away I'm noticing anger coming through. Lots of it.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2018, 11:40:19 PM by BlueTsunami »
:9

TVC 15

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #481 on: December 15, 2018, 12:22:27 AM »
Twenty years of depression feels like its on its last legs. All due to, seemingly, bad body image issues. Wish I didnt squander my 20s due to this relatively simple fix.

But as that veil pulls away I'm noticing anger coming through. Lots of it.

I you donít mind, can you pm me about wHat you think your sitch is? I might be in a similar boat.
serge

CatsCatsCats

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #482 on: December 17, 2018, 01:14:53 PM »
Agreed to go talk things over with my mom tonight, would rather blast myself (but will not)
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TVC 15

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #483 on: December 18, 2018, 10:18:56 PM »
Strange depression. 4 hours before bed and I'm just so fucking bored. Nothing seems worth doing. Bored to depression.
serge

Tasty Meat

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #484 on: December 18, 2018, 10:57:12 PM »
Strange depression. 4 hours before bed and I'm just so fucking bored. Nothing seems worth doing. Bored to depression.

Been sorta feeling this lately. And my apt feels so empty when it's just me here. Makes my near-term move even more melancholic.

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #485 on: December 18, 2018, 11:18:56 PM »
That depression is normal life for me. 
NtGay

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #486 on: December 18, 2018, 11:28:41 PM »
I found a cure: high thc cannabis and 30 Rock.
serge

Tasty Meat

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #487 on: December 18, 2018, 11:45:44 PM »
I found a cure: high thc cannabis and 30 Rock.

I was doing some vaping and Brooklyn 99, haha.

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #488 on: December 19, 2018, 12:04:08 AM »
I'm sober and watching House MD for the 4th time through, hahaha. 
NtGay

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #489 on: December 19, 2018, 12:13:20 AM »
I'm also fiddling with my Chrome Slate.
serge

Tasty Meat

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #490 on: December 19, 2018, 12:13:47 AM »
I'm also fiddling with my Chrome Slate.

How is it? You get the Pen? The keyboard?



Sent from my Google Pixelbook.

TVC 15

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #491 on: December 19, 2018, 12:22:39 AM »
I'm also fiddling with my Chrome Slate.

How is it? You get the Pen? The keyboard?



Sent from my Google Pixelbook.

Still waiting on the pen and case.

It's a lovely device, but I get the impression Chrome OS is going through its awkward teenage years as an OS. It's perfectly usable, but there's some weirdness as a tablet OS. I'll definitely get a lot of use out of it as a web browser and reader. It has a big, beautiful screen and it's super light.
serge

Tasty Meat

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #492 on: December 19, 2018, 12:45:39 AM »
Yeah the tablet stuff is a very very very recent addition and very much a WIP.

Good thing about CrOS though is that it updates every six weeks.

Olivia Wilde Homo

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #493 on: December 29, 2018, 09:05:59 PM »
Twenty years of depression feels like its on its last legs. All due to, seemingly, bad body image issues. Wish I didnt squander my 20s due to this relatively simple fix.

But as that veil pulls away I'm noticing anger coming through. Lots of it.

When I lost a bunch of weight a long time ago, it took me years to get over the various issues that I didnít really think about or knew existed.  There were a lot of times where I felt anger and resentment towards people who treated me differently.  I got over it but was shocked at how long it took me to get over it.  Rewiring you brain to not think of yourself as fat is a long term process if you had spent a good part of your life overweight.
8===D

Bebpo

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #494 on: December 30, 2018, 12:23:08 AM »
I've spent my xmas week off in pretty much a depression. I always have depression but it's luckily not that bad and as long as I stay busy with work, chores, social stuff, trips, etc... to fill my calendar I don't often have a lot of free time to be depressed.

But this week I had basically jack and shit to do all week, so depression hit pretty hard and I went from getting up at like 7am and jogging everyday and getting to sleep by 11-midnight to sleeping in until like 10-12am, up to 2-3am, and multiple naps throughout the day on top of that. Always feeling tired and shitty and just wanna sleep and playing videogames. At least I've still been managing to work out daily and I feel better after that but it ends up being at some random time in the day and because my time schedule is all thrown off I'm eating at weird times or not really eating enough and just grabbing fast food feeling kinda shitty from that.

I was supposed to go to 2 parties today, both full of mostly strangers (knew 1 person in each) and in cities 30-40 mins away. Ended up flaking on both. First one because I overslept and wasn't ready in time, second because I had some crappy fast food for lunch and wasn't feeling that good and passed out napping instead.

At least I'm back to full time work schedule next week.

Basically the only things that keep me from being depressed which makes me super introverted is exercise (which gives a good energy boost for 4-5 hours), coffee (same for about 4-5 hours but I can't drink more than one per day or it fucks me up, so I try to save it for like early afternoon to get energy for the main part of the day) and hanging with friends I'm close with. When I do any of that I'm happy and in a good mood. Otherwise I'm depressed :| A lot of my dating troubles comes from on a good energy day I'll start chatting with someone and hit it off and they think I'm great and then I have a low energy/depression day or two and I basically don't text them at all and they disappear. To date I need to continually be in good energy/positive and that's tough for me. /sigh

Cindi Mayweather

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #495 on: December 30, 2018, 12:51:38 AM »
I love all of you.  I hope everyone feels better!

thisismyusername

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Cindi Mayweather

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BlueTsunami

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #498 on: December 30, 2018, 01:43:45 AM »
The more weight i lose the more manic I become, is that a thing?

Eurphoria, yet i was bed ridden two days ago in absolute stillness. Feels like I I'm a battle.with my self loathing

The drugs and booze aint helping. As much as I love mescaline, as gentle as it can be, that shit FUCKED up my self image this last go around.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2018, 02:11:40 PM by BlueTsunami »
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Rahxephon91

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #499 on: December 31, 2018, 12:24:58 PM »
I know self diagnosis isnít cool but I wonder if Iím bi-polar.

I feel like my adult life is extremely happy and positive or super negative and depressed. Often changing at the slightest whims of outside forces.

Even my mom thinks I may be

benjipwns

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #500 on: January 01, 2019, 04:57:01 AM »
the mania period of bipolar isn't "happy and positive" it's an inversed depression that's still negative, bipolar is generally non-reactive to events, not that it's immune as that would be silly, but generally there is not a clear rational pattern to the periods of mania and depression explained by outside events...usually they tend more to exacerbate the already cycled period

there is a "lower" form of bipolar type cycles in which the full fledged criteria for manic and depressive periods is not met: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia

there's also a difference between bipolar ii and bipolar i that i can never remember, and there's a misleadingly named hyper cyclical or something that's actually the months long period version and the one where you can switch daily or weekly is not "hyper"

one upside is that a lot of bipolar treatments can generally be applied to plain depression without any resulting downside, because if you think of it like a graph, what you're trying to mess with are the amplitude and frequency and lower both, whether or not the "graph" is above the x-axis or not...if it turns out to be more depression than anything then it's a small shift in treatment (often less so in medication)

cycling in and out of depressive periods is generally normal to depression, so the positive part is when you're up in the cycle, it doesn't have to become bipolar which is two inverse extreme periods

similarly to the "lower" form of bipolar there is a "lower" form of depression: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

i note these more to point out that there are some more-specific lower-level diagnoses that may be more applicable than the exact specifics of the formal bipolar and depression diagnoses that the broad high level overviews may obscure...though usually treatment is similar since these are all under one big umbrella like the category A/B/C personality disorders are

all the standard disclaimers (everyone different, generalizing, summarizing, probably remembering things wrong, etc.) of course, plus the extra special disclaimer that my formal training/degrees are social sciences not applied sciences so i have no formal credentials in psychology/psychiatry, just what i've picked up from personal experience
meowr

eleuin

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #501 on: January 05, 2019, 10:06:21 PM »
long incoherent rant in the spoiler tags, I just wanted to vent

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I'm thinking of switching my major for the 2nd time. Maybe it's just the depression but studying IT has went from tolerable to something I actively detest. I don't even know what I want to do though. The prospect of starting over is also terrifying. I'm 22, I should be done with school and looking for a real job to support my parents who are reaching retirement age. I also have 12K in student debt looming over my head, which I know isn't a relative lot, but I have no money to my name and wouldn't be able to hold down a job while going to school. I tried that once and it ended in disaster for my grades.

The antidepressants I've started taking - Escitalopram, help I think. I'm not as lethargic as before. I know that no drug is going to single handily make my want to salvage me life though. I'm still on a waitlist for government covered therapy. Feeling this image pretty hard. I don't have the balls for suicide, but it looks very appealing.

« Last Edit: January 05, 2019, 10:13:05 PM by eleuin »

shosta

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #502 on: January 05, 2019, 10:16:32 PM »
When you say your major is "IT", do you mean Computer Science?

eleuin

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #503 on: January 05, 2019, 10:37:50 PM »
Yeah, that wasn't clear, my bad

shosta

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #504 on: January 06, 2019, 12:08:51 AM »
Don't you fucking dare change majors. You're not going to find whatever's missing in your life by blowing up your future.

Rufus

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #505 on: January 06, 2019, 01:17:41 AM »
Whatever you end up doing, don't stress about your age. Nothing is set in stone.

Trent Dole

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #506 on: January 06, 2019, 01:31:10 AM »
Hah, tell it to my soon to be exwife who thinks I'm going to be the same forever cause I'm age X. :doge
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I'm a Puppy!

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #507 on: January 08, 2019, 12:30:04 PM »
Don't you fucking dare change majors. You're not going to find whatever's missing in your life by blowing up your future.
I do and I don't agree with this.

I mean, I went to college with the aim to get a Renaissance type education. Learn as much as I can about as much as I can. I had a Music Performance major and 6 minors.  I only flunked one class my whole life and it was Computer Science 101.  So part of me is totally an advocate of University != Job training Center type of thinking.

That being said, I do feel I've done well for myself, but I also know it's DESPITE of my degree and it would've been far easier with a degree and I'd have more mobility with the right degree.

I'd say "Don't do anything you'll regret" But that's trite. You're going to regret whatever decision you make. So let me leave it as "Pick what you will regret least." If you want to move away from IT but you're OK with living in a cardboard box, then do it. Likewise, if money is your focus then you'll have to sacrifice something for it.
que

Stro

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #508 on: January 15, 2019, 02:21:40 PM »
It's really somewhat frightening when I'm in such a fog that I literally don't even realize what I'm doing for most of the day, what I did to get from point A to B, what I'm doing in the moment, and so on. Not necessarily for me specifically, but when I think about how many other people are in similar fogs, but in positions of power or in jobs where being sharp and on the ball. Like air traffic controllers or bus drivers or firemen, engineers and pilots.

:beli when you can't even fake a response to "how are you" and just kind of  :goty

benjipwns

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #509 on: January 16, 2019, 09:01:43 PM »
i don't really do anger, so i can't even get angry enough to just be done, whatever well i spose

edit: my meds schedule is all messed up on top of things because i'm stupid sometimes, okay maybe more often, but i don't exactly pretend i'm not messed up, plus that's like my favorite mst3k clip

i should ease into controlled anger by getting angry at people who don't recognize it
« Last Edit: January 16, 2019, 09:28:13 PM by benjipwns »
meowr

benjipwns

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #510 on: January 16, 2019, 09:33:32 PM »
my main point is, that i don't know, probably pretty obvious now that i think about it
meowr

curly

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #511 on: January 17, 2019, 12:11:48 AM »
long incoherent rant in the spoiler tags, I just wanted to vent

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I'm thinking of switching my major for the 2nd time. Maybe it's just the depression but studying IT has went from tolerable to something I actively detest. I don't even know what I want to do though. The prospect of starting over is also terrifying. I'm 22, I should be done with school and looking for a real job to support my parents who are reaching retirement age. I also have 12K in student debt looming over my head, which I know isn't a relative lot, but I have no money to my name and wouldn't be able to hold down a job while going to school. I tried that once and it ended in disaster for my grades.

The antidepressants I've started taking - Escitalopram, help I think. I'm not as lethargic as before. I know that no drug is going to single handily make my want to salvage me life though. I'm still on a waitlist for government covered therapy. Feeling this image pretty hard. I don't have the balls for suicide, but it looks very appealing.


There's so many people who are still in school in their late 20s and 30s, there's really no time when you "should" be done with it. Plenty of successful people didn't finish school until they were way older than you are now.

Cryo

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #512 on: January 17, 2019, 12:32:16 AM »
long incoherent rant in the spoiler tags, I just wanted to vent

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I'm thinking of switching my major for the 2nd time. Maybe it's just the depression but studying IT has went from tolerable to something I actively detest. I don't even know what I want to do though. The prospect of starting over is also terrifying. I'm 22, I should be done with school and looking for a real job to support my parents who are reaching retirement age. I also have 12K in student debt looming over my head, which I know isn't a relative lot, but I have no money to my name and wouldn't be able to hold down a job while going to school. I tried that once and it ended in disaster for my grades.

The antidepressants I've started taking - Escitalopram, help I think. I'm not as lethargic as before. I know that no drug is going to single handily make my want to salvage me life though. I'm still on a waitlist for government covered therapy. Feeling this image pretty hard. I don't have the balls for suicide, but it looks very appealing.

as someone five years older than you with retirement age parents, and just finished their bachelors degree last month, hang in there. itís definitely worth doing some soul searching/talk therapy to figure out whatís the root cause of your detestment of your major - it could very well be for a reason that is antithetical to what you want from a future career, but perhaps you can try to rediscover what you liked about it and try to focus on things that are aligned with that aspect. would you actually need to start over, or are there tech-based majors that youíd be able to transfer coursework with?

benjipwns

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #513 on: January 17, 2019, 08:08:56 PM »
meds back on proper cycle + good sleep = :success

nice that the weirdest thing i did on The Bire was delete posts attacking Contrapoints and ramble about Angel Studios... actually this was probably the weirdest thing i did because i was already pretty exhausted by the time i got on here :lol

also, i had a cleaning at the dentist :wow
meowr

benjipwns

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #514 on: January 17, 2019, 08:21:12 PM »
re: changing majors at 22

don't worry about it that much, especially if you're going to be at the same university/college

perchance might you mention what you thinking about transferring into? if it's not too far from computer science you won't be starting over completely, and in any case you won't be because of core classes you probably had to/have to take

back when i was an undergrad, i was just getting a history major, and was going to get a poli sci minor (we didn't have to pick that until later) but because of the courses i had happened to take already i only needed two extra classes to double major, and all core classes count for every major (this should be the same at your university if American unless Ivy League or private)

if you still have a number of core/elective classes to take, try a semester away from your major, or minimal classes in your major, i tossed out history for a semester to take BOWLING (very important life skills), DANGEROUS PLANET (for science credit...it was about hurricanes, volcanoes, etc.), some English thing for credit and Human Genetics for rest of science credit...then when i came back to history it didn't seem as boring, especially with the summer inbetween

regarding the age part, don't feel like you have to "start" life at an age, obviously it's great to get started earlier and there can be pushing it too far when you're say 45 but everyone starts at a different time, many people completely start over...i know a guy who spent 20 years as a professional photographer in the advertising industry, then went back to school to get an English degree to teach English

if you're feeling anxious about a job, take a look around school, there's lots of places for computer science people in every department, places you won't even think of will take one and then teach them the department specifics (which don't actually exist) there's even more obvious stuff like just sitting around a computer lab in case anyone needs help or to stop the foreign guy from printing 30 copies of his 200 page masters degree...if you have it good with any professors they can usually hook you up with something easy, albeit maybe only temporary...i'd say most campus jobs for students are like 10% work, 90% free study time...actually strike "for students"

edit: oops, didn't see this was your second time changing majors, so a lot of my advice you already knew, that said, definitely try to think of a second major change as your final one, i know lots of people think that regarding their first change, but if it's your second one you really want to be more laser focused on it

personally, i graduated a year "late" in part because of that double major and in part because i refused to be one of those people like a couple roommates who took like seven classes a semester and constantly burned out, most i ever took was five

i made up for it in grad school before becoming stupid and going for a second one again

a friend from high school changed his majors five times and finally graduated undergrad at age 27 because he just wouldn't stop taking courses, especially ones that didn't multi-count...his year as a woman studies major probably set him back the most
« Last Edit: January 17, 2019, 08:31:25 PM by benjipwns »
meowr

stufte

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #515 on: January 22, 2019, 09:29:17 PM »
Doctor wants me to see a therapist for depression. I've never been diagnosed as having depression before, but I guess it makes sense. Any tips on what I should look for in a therapist?

filler

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #516 on: January 22, 2019, 09:34:30 PM »
Just wanna take poppers until I fall asleep and don't wake up. Sounds nice. Probably need a chaser.

Edit- Not killing myself, just talking hypothetically.
*****

benjipwns

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #517 on: January 23, 2019, 04:39:05 AM »
Doctor wants me to see a therapist for depression. I've never been diagnosed as having depression before, but I guess it makes sense. Any tips on what I should look for in a therapist?
That you're comfortable with them. It's fine to do intake, realize the person isn't going to work and move onto someone else. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone younger than you or older than you or female, that's okay.

Their methodology can be related to this, you may find they're great but whatever they suggest just isn't right for whatever reason.

Basically, it's okay to try a few even if you don't get it right the first time. There are many instances where you can get a handful of names, perhaps from your doctor, and they may even suggest one they think would be good for you, etc. You can also ask for recommendations if you do intake with someone and find it doesn't seem to work, they may have some names to suggest you try who have a different approach.

At the same time, early sessions will focus on them figuring you out so it can be somewhat annoying and even repetitive but they're trying to paint a picture. The fact that you have a suggested diagnosis from a doctor can speed this up a little as they'll be looking for that rather than trying to figure it out from scratch.

But the main thing is really that you have to feel comfortable with the setting, the person, etc. otherwise you're not going to be able to work with them and vice versa like you could.

You don't want someone to coddle you though, no matter what, you're not a developer and never will be. Anyone who tells you that is just making things worse.
meowr

porkbun

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #518 on: January 23, 2019, 11:49:50 AM »
Agree with most of what benji said.  You may also want to look at one that does CBT.  I hated "normal" therapy but I started with one that did it a couple of months ago (after I had a bad breakdown where I left to Vegas and went radio silent for a week, which ended up with me going to inpatient for another week) and it's had good results so far.

CatsCatsCats

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #519 on: January 23, 2019, 12:38:16 PM »
I signed up with 7cups and itís pretty good I guess
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TVC 15

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #520 on: March 05, 2019, 08:49:38 PM »
A Ketamine-Based Nasal Spray Is Now an FDA-Approved Depression Treatment
https://gizmodo.com/a-ketamine-based-nasal-spray-is-now-an-fda-approved-dep-1833048695

Very excited about this. No antidepressants Iíve tried work for me, and due to my collection of neuroses, I canít really experiment with ones currently on the market because they may exacerbate other problems.
serge

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #521 on: March 21, 2019, 12:43:43 PM »
Having another depression/anxiety episode right now exactly when I can't afford it.  Fuck I'm tired of this shit. 
NtGay

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #522 on: March 21, 2019, 12:53:26 PM »
yeah, work is back to nervous breakdown territory and only getting worse. I had hoped I would've changed the situation by now, but apparently, nope that's not happening. Through changes in my life I now have more people to support me and they've been doing a wonderful job and it's beautiful to see that happening. But at the same time it feels like I just have more people to let down and make nervous now.  I hate this.

And I feel you Arvie. These things never come when you can afford to deal with it.
que

chronovore

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #523 on: March 22, 2019, 10:19:43 AM »
Having another depression/anxiety episode right now exactly when I can't afford it.  Fuck I'm tired of this shit.

Duuuuuude. You're awesome. Get some chill.

Propagandhim

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #524 on: March 22, 2019, 12:25:54 PM »
A Ketamine-Based Nasal Spray Is Now an FDA-Approved Depression Treatment
https://gizmodo.com/a-ketamine-based-nasal-spray-is-now-an-fda-approved-dep-1833048695

Very excited about this. No antidepressants Iíve tried work for me, and due to my collection of neuroses, I canít really experiment with ones currently on the market because they may exacerbate other problems.

Next step: How to get psychiatry to accommodate patients who inquire about this as a possible treatment without labeling them as 'drug-seekers' and running them through decade-long trials of SSRIs before they use this.    Also, this stuff is probably insanely expensive.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2019, 12:30:25 PM by Propagandhim »

toku

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #525 on: March 22, 2019, 11:10:06 PM »
Blue week. Blue day. Trying to shake it.

chronovore

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #526 on: Today at 10:28:09 AM »
Blue week. Blue day. Trying to shake it.

YOU GOT THIS.