Depression/mental health thread

[Huff]

A Ketamine-Based Nasal Spray Is Now an FDA-Approved Depression Treatment
https://gizmodo.com/a-ketamine-based-nasal-spray-is-now-an-fda-approved-dep-1833048695

Very excited about this. No antidepressants I’ve tried work for me, and due to my collection of neuroses, I can’t really experiment with ones currently on the market because they may exacerbate other problems.

Ketamine infusions have been around for a bit at different psych centers. May want to look into it, ask your doc about a referral

[Propagandhim]

I do!

Just switched to it after weaning off Cymbalta.    Anxiety through the fucking roof.  Hopefully this shit wears off.  Can barely think.

Did they start lexapro when you were taping off?

Was off Cymbalta for a little over a year --  No antidepressants for the past year.  Kinda a disaster.  Went on Lexapro for the first time yesterday. 

[Propagandhim]

So you were doing OK then starting the pills caused more anxiety?

I was off medication for a little over a year and was not doing well.  Started Lexapro yesterday...and yeah, the anxiety is way worse than regular, but I suppose that's the initial adjustment period you have to muscle through.

[Tasty]

Wanted to come back in a better headspace, and I definitely am, but life around me has continued to degrade and I'm wondering how much longer I can hold out. Money's tighter than ever, a grandparent and family friend are possibly on their death-beads, pet animals from when I was growing up are getting old and sick, and I feel more creatively unfulfilled than ever before.

I'm steeling myself for my grandma's passing and advising other family members to do the same, because almost every day they tell me: "It couldn't possibly get worse."

Me, thinking about our three other still-living grandparents:

[Madrun Badrun]

This last month has been a frustrating backslide. 

[HardcoreRetro]

Birds of a feather?

[Propagandhim]

why the fuck is seemingly everyone on this forum depressed

Why would we stay on forums for 10+ years if something wasn't wrong with us?   

[Transhuman]

What was I thinking no-one wants to read my sad-sack shit.

[Transhuman]

Actually now that I think about it, it's all Trump's fault.

[Joe Molotov]

 

[Propagandhim]

What was I thinking no-one wants to read my sad-sack shit.

Read it and I hear you loud and clear, dude.

[Nintex]

Sharing is caring my friends 

I'm not depressed myself but my bro has been dealing with it for a long time (he was bullied at a young age to a point that he now suffers from PTSD) and he kept it hidden for 15+ years. He's seeing a therapist and it is really improving his life.

My mom has a very severe depression for about 5 years now, mostly because of her terrible childhood (her mother died young, her father was an abusive alcoholic, split with her entire family except 1 sister, and she suffered from a ton of health problems over the years (cancer(which she beat), infections etc.).

Depressions suck but the best thing you can do is let it all out before it consumes you. 

[Madrun Badrun]

Still on a backslide.  Really not doing too well and I'm so tired of it. 

[Madrun Badrun]

Grad school stuff is the major part it, but I've also had periods of depression since highschool so this is mostly the norm. 

[Madrun Badrun]

Recently I've been thinking about how my major issues/ personality faults have always been with me and its made it hard to think that they can change.  Like I have always been averse to competition and that's exactly what academia is. 

[Rahxephon91]

edit-nvm

[Bebpo]

Been having a bit of a time where everything is fucked and I really need a fresh start.

-Got the summer flu that's going around about 2 weeks ago, knocked me out a bunch and got behind in work and sleep schedule thrown off because was sleeping a lot during the day on cold meds and couldn't sleep at night so was like sleeping at 4am waking at noon. Stopped exercising completely.

-Thought it was mostly cleared up and needed to fix my sleep schedule so tried working out last sunday. Ended up making it 5x worse the next day and missed the first few days of work this week and got even further behind. Sleep schedule even more messed up. Thought maybe migraines/depression was causing it to be worse than it is so upped my Nortriptyline from 30mg to 40mg.

-Also been drinking more caffeine than usual to make it through work days when I sleep at 4-5am and wake up at like 8-10am so that I can try to get stuff done instead of being totally out of it.

-Doing like 95% better again, and got fairly caught up at work in the last few days this week but haven't been taking on new work/cases since I got sick so behind on that. Had a first date set this morning with someone that seemed going well in texts and we talked on the phone mid week and there was good momentum going into this date. Also had a birthday day of one of my friends in my main friend group that was like from 11am until dinner thing.

-Last night couldn't sleep AT ALL. Was in bed at midnight but felt wide awake and nothing helped. By 5am I took some night mucinex to try to knock me out and even that just made me tired and I couldn't fall asleep. Ended up pulling an all-nighter initial but was so tired and a) not comfortable driving & b) feeling like if I go to my date I'm going to totally blow it being red eye'd on the edge of sleep and can't concentrate, so I texted my date about moving the date to another day. Ended up falling asleep around 10am and slept until about 3pm. By the time I tried to get a hold of my social friends about the birthday stuff they were pretty much done and all wasted and I was the only person in our friend group that didn't show.

-I have a really busy work week next week since short week with 4th of July holiday and sleep is still all fucked up and still not sure if can exercise. I feel like I probably fucked that date up and it's most likely not gonna end up happening which sucks because she was actually local and not 90 mins away and we got along well enough on the phone & I feel like I let my friends down by not showing for the birthday get together. Just feels like dating life is currently fucked, social life is a little fucked, work is still kinda fucked, sleep is fucked, oh and I've only been eating like 2 meals a day way too much because I have breakfast at like noon and am not hungry until night and then that's all I eat. And daily exercise is incredibly helpful for my mental health and feeling ok about things and managing life and I probably still shouldn't jump back into it because I still have sinus drip stuff and when I did this last week it really made it worse.

Right now my plans is:

1. Going to drop back from 40mg to 30mg on Nort in case it's giving me worse insomnia.
2. Going to take some night mucinex at like 9pm and see if there's any way possible I can knock out tonight at a normal midnight-1am time and wake up at 8am which is where I want to be normally.
3. If I can't fall asleep I'm gonna pull an all-nighter since I have no plans tomorrow and its sunday and just stay up until tomorrow night and try to get back on sleep schedule.
4. Next time I see my friend I'll give him his birthday present, already wished him a happy birthday.
5. For the date girl, I can try to set something up for monday night so there isn't too long of a delay and momentum loss. I actually had a real good date planned today specific to her interests at a museum that's open 10am-5pm which is near a fun foodie center. Not sure what a good night date would be but will figure something out. I had asked her if we could move today's date to tomorrow (sunday) but she said she had plans so "maybe during the week"; I feel like I probably fucked this up already, but if there's any chance of recovery I wanna go for it.

[Madrun Badrun]

I really related to this, as a famous Youtube personality. 

[toku]

It's that time of the year again boys...and it's too hot   

[Madrun Badrun]

Sorry buddy, hope things get better. 

[Madrun Badrun]

I'm back in the hole again.  Last week I thought I was doing a bit better but then I had to start working on my committee meeting again (which is a year late) and I have nothing to show.  It's killing me.  I have also started a really bad habit of drinking every night - four tall beers or so, which is obviously not good.  I've given up trying to eat right or really making any effort to go into work.  I'm really tired of this and I think while school might be the trigger this time, I don't think that I would be free of these depression swings if I wasn't in school, I would just have some other thing to stress about.  The worst part is I'm letting a whole bunch of people down with my behavior and I can't seem to stop it and I can't talk to them about it. 

[CatsCatsCats]

Hang in there, Arv. Get high and do some carvings, those were really cool

[Madrun Badrun]

Skipping out on a friends birthday party today just because I'm so mentally drained.   Wanted to go too. 

[thisismyusername]

why the fuck is seemingly everyone on this forum depressed

1) No money
2) No job prospects
Etc.

It's typical millennial (which most of this board is, with a few older farts that are GenX).

Since I've posted about it here in the past: I've gone off meds despite being prescribed them. I've been off them for a month or two now and... I don't feel any better or worse. In fact, my depression has been more or less the same, as it was before I started the two-year attempt on meds. The only "benefit" now is that I can actually fucking cry and feel something when the depression hits instead of it damming up until a crack in said dam happens and I start to cry.

I'd rather get these random bursts into crying than the prolongness, tbh.

And in any case: I do have a possible job offer, but given it's been two weeks since the interview, and they said they were still interviewing I'm going to be REALLY FUCKING ANGRY and sad if I get passed over on this since this job is something I've been looking for and really want.

In any case, my vacation is over tonight, so I should get to bed and then go to work tomorrow. Thing is: I hate my boss, like HATE. She micromanages EVERYTHING and gets on my case, and then turns around and does bullshit that she claims I shouldn't do (talks to coworkers when nobody is in the location, for instance) and it drives me up the fucking wall. Which is part of the reason I've been looking elsewhere.

But being discriminated against for absolutely no reason than asking for accommodations is infuriating and really demoralizing and it's basically caused me to waste a year on not actually looking elsewhere. Which is part of the reason why I'm holding out hope for this offer.

As it is, I can reach out to folks I used to talk to and then they never reply back. Which is... fucking awful. I can be there 24/7 for people, but none of these sumbitches are there when I need them to be.

[Transhuman]

No money? Who needs money, man,

[Trent Dole]

Bill collectors for one.

[Tasty]

Money doesn't solve all your problems, but it helps.

[Madrun Badrun]

Friends came to my apt and I ignored the buzzer because I can't really deal with people right now.  Shameful. 

[toku]

It frees up mental space to think about and be about other things.

[Don Rumata]

80% of my life's problems could be solved (or improved significantly) with money.
I guess if i lived alone and I was my only responsibility, it'd stress me out less, but the reasoning would still apply i think.

[thisismyusername]

I guess if i lived alone and I was my only responsibility, it'd stress me out less, but the reasoning would still apply i think.

Defintely applies in my case. SINK, but get paid like shit. And try as I might, doors slam in my face repeatedly.

It's crazy I haven't ate a bullet yet, especially at my age.

[toku]

all is mind as they say

I guess if i lived alone and I was my only responsibility, it'd stress me out less, but the reasoning would still apply i think.

Defintely applies in my case. SINK, but get paid like shit. And try as I might, doors slam in my face repeatedly.

It's crazy I haven't ate a bullet yet, especially at my age.

You can't do it until Respawn implodes and you get to say something hurtful about Titanfall. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

In all seriousness I have to believe that man is more than his circumstances and has the ability to reach higher. I'm not ready to give up and I hope you're far from that point as well. Bless up.

[close]

[Don Rumata]

Give someone with poor mental health money and they might create themselves more problems from it. 

I know, cliche, but seen it happen.

Maybe i'm misinterpreting what we're talking about when we say "poor mental health", and every situation is different, so of course it's a case by case thing, but many cases of people being "depressed" is mostly a lack of future prospects (real or perceived) and more often than not, financial stress is a large part of that.

Also when i say "money" i'm not referring to winning the lottery either, just an amount that would make someone live comfortably, or at least not pay check to pay check.

When you're laying the tracks in front of the running train, it's just hard to imagine a way out of the hole.

[thisismyusername]

Please, Bernie, you have an election to win!

Don't worry.

[Madrun Badrun]

I don't remember if I posted this but I'm starting to think that this isn't a regular depression issue - I've really had a major break down - and I'm not doing good at all to be honest.

Had to submit a phd candidacy extension form today.  The grad chair is also on my phd committee anyway the form the had a mistake on it (done by my supervisor), so I get an email back asking about it.  I've basically been hiding from my committee for a year and especially the last few months, so this was not the way I wanted to interact with him again.  Anytime I have to do an admin thing my anxiety just kicks into high gear and I just feel mentally drained - which is incredibly silly because I realize this is a minor thing that is easily solvable. 

[I'm a Puppy!]

I know this is cold comfort but anxiety and depression have no logic.
Also, a friend recently taught me to try to not put on comparative stuff. For example I had some anxiety a few weeks back over something sorta minor and I was really hard on myself saying "This is nothing compared to last year, I should be able to handle this" And my friend had to come in and remind me I practically almost died last year and that's not a healthy comparison, you're not supposed to almost die. Comparisons only exist to guilt you and that just makes things worse. It's hard, I know. But try not to compare situations. The only situation that matters is your current one.

[Madrun Badrun]

Thanks.

I was talking yo a friend tonight that got his phd a while ago and he was talking about how these issues don't leave you after finishing.  Like all your self worth is tied into your research and it never changes.   really scared me. 

[CatsCatsCats]

life being very hard again

[VomKriege]

life being very hard again

Sending good vibes.
Also fartung in the process. That's how serious I'm concentrating.

[Himu]

You know how in old pc games you have the fog of war and you and slowly uncover the map bit by bit?

This year has been like that, except for me the fog is depression. Somehow, due to a mix of therapy and other things, I've started to become a bit more positive in my outlook in life. I've been able to re-engage in my hobbies, work on my social anxiety, while also planning for the future. It's been a really, really good year.

[chronovore]

[CatsCatsCats]

life being very hard again

feeling way better than when I made this post, kinda wrapped my head around the difficulties 

[Tasty]

Really glad to hear it.

[Tasty]

If you ramp down the abrasiveness of your forum personality, I'm sure you'd have people take you up on that offer. You're clearly curious and knowledgeable about several interesting topics.

I'm glad you feel less lonely lately.

[chronovore]

If you ramp down the abrasiveness of your forum personality, [...]

or maybe just use firefox like the rest of us

obvious defense mechanism is obvious

[Transhuman]

I think Blame Space's must be full because he never replies to my PMs

[Tasty]

If you ramp down the abrasiveness of your forum personality, [...]

or maybe just use firefox like the rest of us

I'm just giving you actionable things to do to improve your situation. Either take the advice or don't.

And I use Firefox quite a bit, just not as a default browser.

[Tasty]

Woke up from a nap and immediately started crying like a bitch, which is new.

[Transhuman]

I usually cry before sleep not after

[Himu]

Sorry, only registered users can see this content. Please Login or Register.

[Transhuman]

Joe Biden could have a brain aneurysm tomorrow Cindi, and then think how dumb you'd feel

[El Babua]

Please don't Cindi

[G The Resurrected]

Cinidi I know things in the world aren't so great. It can get better, It has too.

Hotline
1-800-273-8255

PM/DM's are open don't feel like you are alone in this world, we are all in it together suffering through life in a multitude of different ways. I care about you boo!

[TVC15]

Please reconsider and talk to someone you’re comfortable with, Cindi. I like you so much that I gave up clowning on you years ago. Who else have I done that for? Really!

My messages are open, too.

[G The Resurrected]

Please reconsider and talk to someone, Cindi. I like you so much that I gave up clowning on you years ago. Who else have I done that for? Really!

Seriously!

Cindi we all care about you, and without you things would suck more.

[benjipwns]

Nope. Not yet. Don't let the smarmy Yuropeans (and timu, especially him) be right about you never going anywhere but Mexico.

[Great Rumbler]

TALK TO SOMEBODY IN REAL LIFE ABOUT HOW YOU'RE FEELING

NOT ON THE INTERNET, AN ACTUAL PERSON

[TVC15]

Has anyone heard from her? Should we contact authorities and do we have enough info?

[G The Resurrected]

I wish there was more love and compassion in this world for those who are suffering through life. There's too much pain out there in the world and not enough love.

Cindi we Love you and this pain you have it doesn't have to be yours alone. Talk to us and let us take some of that pain for you.

[OnlyRegret]

Please don't 
You matter to us