https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355
Another recent data point for my theory that dudes who broadcast their progressive feminist woke-ness with ceaseless abandon usually end up being sleazy and manipulative. Even in college nearly a decade ago I knew about a dozen dudes who fit this profile to a tee. Would always talk the talk but without fail try and get women wasted at hose parties so they could get their nut on.
https://medium.com/@dr_eprice/a-few-words-about-sexual-coercion-in-the-wake-of-the-aziz-ansari-accusations-7db015c1cde5https://twitter.com/reappropriate/status/952647112390397952I read the Babe article and the Medium one I linked, above. I agree with the tweet.
The woman in the Medium article describes a scenario where she was badgered for days, and didn't feel like she should leave.
I don't get that and I'm unlikely to ever understand it — I'm in just about every privileged category which can have its checkbox checked, including rarely having felt physically threatened once adulthood was reached. But the women here are not talking about feeling threatened, they're talking about feeling pressure, about feeling coerced.
The Babe article depicts Aziz not responding to physical cues the woman was giving; she didn't want to have sex, but was not willing to say, "This thing you want, I don't want it right now. It's not going to happen. Fuck off." This was after he had gone down on her. Of course anyone has every right to stop where things are heading, and at the same time there must be a recognition that allowing cunnilingus
is not the best way to discourage further physical intimacy. That claw thing, turn away your face and say "No. I'm not into that." Call your own Uber, or show yourself out the door.
FWIW, I was bullied and physically abused by schoolmates, the way many young boys are with each other, until I learned how to defend myself physically. Then in high school, I encountered institutionalized bullying through the varsity wrestling team, where it was the first time I'd thought seriously about killing or crippling another human. I knew fear which came from being made to feel physically helpless through mental and physical assault. I left wrestling. I was assaulted in the gym by several former "team mates" simultaneously when I announced that I'd leave the team.
In the end, I left.
My problem, and it doesn't really matter that I feel this way to anyone but myself, is that we are looking at a sea-change moment in equal rights. The volume of people speaking up about sexual assault is breathtaking, and there needs to be a reckoning. There will be change. Eliza Dushku being assaulted by someone she had to rely on to keep her safe in dangerous work is heartbreaking. Kevin Spacey forcing himself on a 14-year-old is vile. Bill Cosby and his weird kinks, enabled by everyone around him… there is SO MUCH to process right now.
I can't help but feel apprehension at an article anonymously taking down Aziz for being a pathetic, clueless putz who tried for sex with a woman who felt she couldn't say "no" or leave. And follow-up articles which say, "If you don’t think what Aziz Ansari did was coercive, you haven’t been in that kind of spot. Fucking good for you. But shut the fuck up about it. You don’t know. I’m glad for you, that you don’t know, but you need to shut up and listen to those of us who have knowledge on the subject." More people telling the rest of the world to shut the fuck up and listen.
It's going to be said that it's my privilege talking, and I'll accept that, but as much as we can all shut the fuck up and listen, maybe these people who felt coerced can be better about voicing their objections more clearly, and sooner.
