Other Forums Containment Thread

[Skullfuckers Anonymous]

At least the new home alone will be just what resetera wants.

[Joe Molotov]

Just wait until you read his savage takedown of Barney the Dinosaur!

[Uncle]

Introduction
There are some movies that I watch every year whether I want to or not. Movies on television sort of just manifest around us, especially around the holidays. We watch Hocus Pocus over and over in the fall, a movie I have learned to love, and we watch the Home Alone movies in the winter, which I have not. Still, there is something cozy about the familiar. It’s why we gravitate towards these kinds of movies when they’re on TV. It doesn’t matter when the movie started or how much has left, it doesn’t matter if we already watched it yesterday, it’s just nice to have something seasonal on the television while we fold the laundry or make dinner. They’re movies we’ve watched many hundreds of times in our lives. They have transcended the limits of actual films and simply become ambience.

But they are, in fact, movies. While I am often able to ignore the details and accept the ambience, my dissatisfaction with Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is something that grows more and more each year. I can feel that the movie has transitioned from film, to mindless ambience, back to film, and now morphed into something else entirely. It has become a grim, wicked aura. It is a specter of the holidays that only I can see. Christmas is not the same since my heart closed to Home Alone 2.

For years I have regaled my friends, and occasionally posted online, about how much I don’t like Home Alone 2. Some people think it’s really funny. Some people think I’m completely right. But I’ve been urged year after year to put all my feelings together in one place. I have decided that this is the year. This is the year I make “The Home Alone 2 Thread.” This is not an analysis thread, but more of a stream of consciousness post of some thoughts I’ve had over the years.

But before I really get into it, I want to remind folks this is just for fun. I don’t think I’m going to say anything too outrageous or extreme. I don’t think there’s anything I’m about to say that’s particularly controversial. They’re just Christmas movies, after all.


Part One: We Need to Talk about Kevin
Kevin McCallister is a bad person and I always wish The Wet Bandits would catch and kill him.

The entire McCallister brood, who are rude and numerous, are exorbitantly wealthy monsters. We meet them in Home Alone 1. They plan to bring their curse overseas to debase Europe. Their abode is an opulent suburban mansion, which they inhabit savagely, and it far exceeds the standard of living of most viewers. But it is not enough. They want Paris, the romantic and storied city. Like everything else in this world, it must be theirs. Everything is not enough.

And worst of them all, the most vulgar of all the creatures, is the self-obsessed Kevin McCallister. The Kevin Creature resents his wealth. He resents his clan. He, like them all, seems only invested in personal fulfillment and outward destruction. He wishes them all dead — his only merciful act — so that he can be the horrible young king of the kingdom he hates.

His rule is violent and terrible. His sadism and cruelty is boundless. And what does he want us to do? He wants us to laugh. He wants us to appreciate his art. I cannot cheer at this hateful demon. I must look away. May God be with the Wet Bandits of the world.

Still, there are the faintest shreds of something pitiable in Kevin McCallister. His horrible family exposes him to many a variety of disgraces. He is at the bottom of a pecking order that leaves his unfeathered hide bloody with the marks of dominance. The broken boy is so diminished among his classless upper-class hive of cretins that even I can identify a cloak of sadness over his meager existence. There is the thought that perhaps Kevin may be capable of kindness somehow in a different environment.

Kevin’s actions over the course of Home Alone 1 are, without question, questionable. He is Home Alone. He is able to exist outside the context of his family for a short time and define himself as something new. Naturally he chooses decadence and violence, as abuse begets abuse and the powerless crave power, not justice. He parades and pilfers around his family home with a freedom he’s never been afforded. The Wet Bandits challenge the freedom he has yet only just begun to grasp. Kevin must assert his dominance over his invaders if he is to remain defined beyond his bloodline. Kevin’s assault on the bandits is existential.

Regardless of my feelings towards Kevin McCallister (evil), I believe his actions are largely justified in the film. Kevin wished for freedom and was granted a reprieve from his family. He must prove to himself, and of course God, that he can maintain himself under these circumstances. The pleasure he takes in brutalizing The Bandits is certainly sadistic, but he remains within his right to protect himself and his property. This is his world now. I cannot condemn Kevin for doing what he must do to preserve it.

Home Alone 1 ends on a happy note for Kevin. Over the course of the film he learns that not everyone is his enemy. He reconciles with his mother. He got to live as he wanted and proved he could. Even his foul brother begrudgingly pays him a small tribute. Kevin McCallister begins Home Alone 1 as a pauper, but he ends the film as a prince.


Part Two: Lost in New York
Home Alone 2 gets a lot of flack for being too similar to Home Alone. It has many of the same story beats. But Lost in New York is a radically different story because during these similar story beats we are following a very different Kevin. This is not powerless Pauper Kevin, this is Prince Kevin who knows how to kill and could if he wanted to. This is Kevin in a new environment where his character can truly be tested.

Lost in New York begins with a conflict between Kevin and his brother, who embarrasses him publicly. Kevin responds violently, punching him in the face to indicate he is not to be trifled with. The extreme response alarms his family. They corral around older brother Buzz to indicate Kevin shall not usurp the natural order and so long that he remains a threat to their hierarchy they will remain united against him. This is infuriating to Kevin who is deposed back to the bottom of a kingdom he once ruled. He fumes and bides his time, denouncing their latest holiday conquest as the clan makes plans to invade Florida for another wretched holiday.

Through a series of predictable mishaps where the horrible family fucks up another routine and makes it everyone else’s problem, Kevin and his family are separated at the airport. Kevin flies to New York City while his family flies to Miami. It is here that we must pause to respect the different context in which this story begins.

In Home Alone 1, Pauper Kevin becomes king of McCallister Castle for a short time. We can denounce his actions in the first film, but we cannot deny his claim to his ancestral abode. His actions are justifiable in the name of personal protection against outside forces that threaten him. Over the course of this film he embraces the necessity of violence to ensure his own safety in his own home. By the end of the film he loses control and cedes rulership back to his family, but he remains in control of his violent tendencies. Prince Kevin will not tolerate being under foot for long. The taste of the boot is most loathsome when you have worn the boot even once. Kevin has worn the boot.

When Kevin arrives in New York, he is recast from invaded to invader. He arrives in the city hungry for power and freedom and is determined to get it. Provided with infinite economic resources backed by his father’s credit card, Kevin selects The Plaza Hotel as his new castle. He overthrows its residents and bends them to subservience.

What’s important to remember about The Plaza and its staff is that they have every right to be there. That is their station. It is their job. Kevin is the one who should not be there, and he must bend rules and manipulate people to settle inside. Every act of resistance he faces from the hotel staff is entirely warranted, but it is through these rational actions we are meant to develop an animosity towards them. How dare they stand in the way of Kevin McCallister, the destroyer?

How can we blame the service staff for doing their jobs? How can we deny them the right to resist Kevin’s invasion? Are we really to sympathize with Kevin, the interloper, as he admonishes and torments wage workers who depend on this work for their livelihoods? If Kevin’s actions in Home Alone 1 were justified because he was being invaded, is the resistance of the service staff not justified in the face of Kevin’s own invasion? Every action they take is in accordance with the policy and procedure of their hotel, the laws of the land Kevin is occupying, but Kevin pushes through until he is seated in control of the building.

Once Kevin is indulged and given control of the building and the staff, he degrades and humiliates them at every turn. He makes them fear for their very lives. These people who work here, who have objectively done nothing wrong, are treated with tremendous indecency. This is not Kevin versus his family, this is not Kevin versus bandits. This is rich and spoiled Kevin McCallister, with infinite money he did not earn, defiling and deprecating wage staff who must indulge him for the wages they need to live. This is the horror of how Prince Kevin treats his subjects - with all the hatred in his heart. Under literal threat of death they must serve him.

One of the repeated story beats in Lost in New York from the first film is that Kevin encounters a mysterious older character whom he fears and does not understand. In the first film, he learns that the old man he was afraid of was actually a kindly neighbor who is suffering the burden of a long-held grudge. Kevin is meant to learn from his experience with this man - that kindness and forgiveness is the path to happiness. It is this lesson he internalizes to reconcile with his own family at the end of Home Alone 1. But when Kevin comes face to face with the “Pigeon Lady” in Central Park, he recoils in abject horror and disgust. Kevin cannot extend to her the same learned decency and kindness he gave to the old neighbor and his own family because he does not view her the way he views these people. This woman is hardly human. This woman is homeless.

The Pigeon Lady, who is not even respected enough in Kevin’s world to have a name, lives in the park covered in pigeon shit. Kevin fears her until she saves his life, after which he is able to see her utility because she has benefitted him. We learn from The Pigeon Lady in a surprisingly insightful sequence that she has trouble connecting with people because they act as if she is not there. This is something the homeless often describe as the most degrading aspect of their plight - to be treated with such little consideration that they barely exist to people. She says she was not always homeless - that she had a family, and a house, but all of that is gone now because the people closest to her abandoned her. Paralyzed by her heartache and trauma, she lives alone with the birds in the margins of society where nobody cares if she lives or dies.

Kevin listens to her story with vague interest. He affirms that it is her fault she is like this because she refuses to open her heart to people. He claims that he understands what it’s like to be homeless because his family doesn’t pay attention to him all the time. The poor woman just accepts his lecture, which we are meant to perceive as sound advice, and then the old woman explains that good deeds makeup for bad deeds and good deeds count even more on Christmas. Kevin tells her that he will not forget her and she tells him not to make promises he won’t keep.

The ethical structure the old woman proposes is that it is never too late to stop doing bad deeds and start doing good ones. Kevin, who lives selfishly, can make the choice to be selfless at any time. As Kevin sits there in the cold with the shit-covered woman who has no place to live, he meditates on what it might mean to do a good deed. He puts the thought in the woman’s head that he will remember her. Any sensible viewer would imminently expect Kevin to be charitable towards his rescuer, but Kevin has no honor. Instead, he resolves that the best good deed he could do is get revenge on The Wet Bandits.

Of course, there is another motivation. There is a toy store who donates their holiday profits to the children’s hospital, because it is an American hospital and there is no publicly funded healthcare. The Wet Bandits are robbing the toy store, which will deprive the children’s hospital of their donation that they need to keep babies alive. Kevin realizes that part of being rich is giving away the money of the working class while taking credit and reaping the accolades for allowing it to happen.

He lures The Bandits to his rich uncle’s New York City penthouse, which is being lavishly renovated while the family vacations in Europe (as usual). He tortures The Wet Bandits and prevents them from stealing the money. Kevin takes credit for preventing the robbery and we are meant to understand that this was his “good deed” that was meant to erase his cruelty.

But what of The Pigeon Lady, whom Kevin swore he would keep in his thoughts and not forget? Well, you see, he gives her a bird ornament. You know, the woman covered in real birds that serve as her only companionship, he gives her a small toy bird. Let it be clear here that Kevin has infinite access to money. He has access to two separate residences - a five star hotel where he is staying and enjoys every luxury and the empty penthouse belonging to his uncle - and he offers no shelter to the woman. He doesn’t offer her anything to eat. He doesn’t offer to let her come back to the hotel and take a shower. He doesn’t even offer her a ride somewhere in his limo. He gives her a toy and leaves her behind forever - because she is homeless in New York City and Kevin lives in a mansion in Chicago.

Kevin is reunited with his family and is cosmically rewarded for his long string of misdeeds and receives a bounty of gifts from the toy store as his actions. Kevin’s intensely material existence continues and the rich get richer, but the nameless woman in Central Park stays cold.


Epilogue
This year on Disney+ they released another Home Alone cash-in called “Home Sweet Home Alone”, in which they did the only thing they could possibly do to make Kevin worse and turned him into a British boy. They did something else too - something that was supposed to be subversive that landed flat on its face.

In Home Sweet Home Alone, two hard on their luck parents are being forced to sell their home due to their financial difficulties. This is something they hide from even their own children, whose Christmas they are trying to preserve. The couple are played by Rob Delaney and Ellie Kemper and are portrayed as entirely affable, good natured people suffering hard times. Their plight is tragic and heartbreaking and the actors who play them are some of the most likable and charming faces imaginable. These “New Bandits” are our sympathetic leads. The New Bandits discover a box of old dolls in their house that have been in the family and find one with an unusual imperfection. They wonder if they might be able to sell them to give their kids a better Christmas.

The “Kevin” character, whose name is not Kevin but I will continue to call him Kevin, is a repugnant snot who constantly roasts everyone in his family because he hates everyone so damn much. To this Kevin, life is a dreadful stage show for him to jeer and boo from the comfort of the palace he lives in with his international family. He ends up at an open house for the home of the new bandits where Rob Delaney’s character playfully denies New Kevin a can of soda when he demands one. Kevin’s eyes fill with rage as he plots his revenge and he swipes something from the home to punish his lessers. The world belongs to him, don’t they know?

After the open house, the couple discovers that the doll with the imperfection is a legendary collector’s item worth $200,000 - a huge amount of money that could turn around their fortunes and save their family home. But when they rush to the box to retrieve the doll - it’s gone! Horrible Kevin has stolen the doll! He knows not what he’s done, but his quest to harm those around him for any perceived slight has succeeded better than he ever imagined.

Desperate to reclaim the doll and save their family and their home, the couple attempts to reclaim the doll from New Kevin. He Home Alones the shit out of them, punishing them with gruesome acts of extreme violence. In the original films, The Wet Bandits made no concessions towards wanting to murder Kevin. Harry literally says he’s going to bite Kevin’s fingers off in Home Alone 1. They are going to shoot him under a bridge in Home Alone 2. The Wet Bandits pose a severe and lethal threat to Kevin. But the New Bandits? They are just a poor couple trying to take back something that was stolen from them. And Rich British Kevin punishes them for it most horrendously and violently.

This movie understands something about Home Alone, and that’s that Kevin McCallister is evil and hates the lower class. But what it wrongfully assumes is that this is why we watch it. Home Sweet Home Alone is more of an honest take on Home Alone than I’d expect and in being so honest it explains what is so perverse about Kevin McCallister and his behavior. Home Sweet Home Alone is the mask-off movie - but I have seen through the mask for years. I have glared through its eye holes at the dark, lifeless pits behind them and seen the deep hollow wickedness of Kevin McCallister for years. I did not need Home Sweet Home Alone to spell it out for me.

The “twist” of the movie is that New Kevin did not steal the doll. He stole a can of soda. The doll was in the house all along. It has a happy ending and everyone becomes friends. The father willingly gives New Kevin a can of soda. Kevin always gets his way. The rich get richer and the rest freeze in the park.

---

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas, readers. May you hold as much hate in your heart for Kevin McCallister as he does for you and have the courage to strike him down should you ever meet one cold night in Central Park. Peace and love to all.

he wouldn't have written this if macauley culkin hadn't committed the sin of breaking bread with those racist bigots at redlettermedia 

or if trump hadn't cameoed in the second one  

[joeboy101]

Just wait until you read his savage takedown of Barney the Dinosaur!

[Potato]

I'm going to get some narcan and fentanyl test strips. I don't even use drugs, but just like it's useful to carry an Epipen with you, I want to have this stuff available in my home, because you just never know if someone you invite over had drugs before they came by, and what they're on, and it might be too late if they OD in your presence

 

If I invite someone into my home and they are on drugs and OD, the best they'll get is me dragging their arse out to the street and calling an ambulance. Very much a case of fuck you, not my problem.

Fuck off junkies.

Can you imagine being such a piece of shit that if you had a way to save somebody's life you wouldn't and just let him die on the street

I know you idiots like to shit on everything re but this ain't the one. Narcan blocks the opioid receptors in your brain and can easily save someone from an overdose

Why would I have Narcan in my home?

You come into my home and OD, you don't get to die in it. I'm not the piece of shit, the cunt who decides to bring their drug fucked arse into my home is the piece of shit.

No pity for junkies, no respect for junkies.

[Propagandhim]

Introduction
There are some movies that I watch every year whether I want to or not. Movies on television sort of just manifest around us, especially around the holidays. We watch Hocus Pocus over and over in the fall, a movie I have learned to love, and we watch the Home Alone movies in the winter, which I have not. Still, there is something cozy about the familiar. It’s why we gravitate towards these kinds of movies when they’re on TV. It doesn’t matter when the movie started or how much has left, it doesn’t matter if we already watched it yesterday, it’s just nice to have something seasonal on the television while we fold the laundry or make dinner. They’re movies we’ve watched many hundreds of times in our lives. They have transcended the limits of actual films and simply become ambience.

But they are, in fact, movies. While I am often able to ignore the details and accept the ambience, my dissatisfaction with Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is something that grows more and more each year. I can feel that the movie has transitioned from film, to mindless ambience, back to film, and now morphed into something else entirely. It has become a grim, wicked aura. It is a specter of the holidays that only I can see. Christmas is not the same since my heart closed to Home Alone 2.

For years I have regaled my friends, and occasionally posted online, about how much I don’t like Home Alone 2. Some people think it’s really funny. Some people think I’m completely right. But I’ve been urged year after year to put all my feelings together in one place. I have decided that this is the year. This is the year I make “The Home Alone 2 Thread.” This is not an analysis thread, but more of a stream of consciousness post of some thoughts I’ve had over the years.

But before I really get into it, I want to remind folks this is just for fun. I don’t think I’m going to say anything too outrageous or extreme. I don’t think there’s anything I’m about to say that’s particularly controversial. They’re just Christmas movies, after all.


Part One: We Need to Talk about Kevin
Kevin McCallister is a bad person and I always wish The Wet Bandits would catch and kill him.

The entire McCallister brood, who are rude and numerous, are exorbitantly wealthy monsters. We meet them in Home Alone 1. They plan to bring their curse overseas to debase Europe. Their abode is an opulent suburban mansion, which they inhabit savagely, and it far exceeds the standard of living of most viewers. But it is not enough. They want Paris, the romantic and storied city. Like everything else in this world, it must be theirs. Everything is not enough.

And worst of them all, the most vulgar of all the creatures, is the self-obsessed Kevin McCallister. The Kevin Creature resents his wealth. He resents his clan. He, like them all, seems only invested in personal fulfillment and outward destruction. He wishes them all dead — his only merciful act — so that he can be the horrible young king of the kingdom he hates.

His rule is violent and terrible. His sadism and cruelty is boundless. And what does he want us to do? He wants us to laugh. He wants us to appreciate his art. I cannot cheer at this hateful demon. I must look away. May God be with the Wet Bandits of the world.

Still, there are the faintest shreds of something pitiable in Kevin McCallister. His horrible family exposes him to many a variety of disgraces. He is at the bottom of a pecking order that leaves his unfeathered hide bloody with the marks of dominance. The broken boy is so diminished among his classless upper-class hive of cretins that even I can identify a cloak of sadness over his meager existence. There is the thought that perhaps Kevin may be capable of kindness somehow in a different environment.

Kevin’s actions over the course of Home Alone 1 are, without question, questionable. He is Home Alone. He is able to exist outside the context of his family for a short time and define himself as something new. Naturally he chooses decadence and violence, as abuse begets abuse and the powerless crave power, not justice. He parades and pilfers around his family home with a freedom he’s never been afforded. The Wet Bandits challenge the freedom he has yet only just begun to grasp. Kevin must assert his dominance over his invaders if he is to remain defined beyond his bloodline. Kevin’s assault on the bandits is existential.

Regardless of my feelings towards Kevin McCallister (evil), I believe his actions are largely justified in the film. Kevin wished for freedom and was granted a reprieve from his family. He must prove to himself, and of course God, that he can maintain himself under these circumstances. The pleasure he takes in brutalizing The Bandits is certainly sadistic, but he remains within his right to protect himself and his property. This is his world now. I cannot condemn Kevin for doing what he must do to preserve it.

Home Alone 1 ends on a happy note for Kevin. Over the course of the film he learns that not everyone is his enemy. He reconciles with his mother. He got to live as he wanted and proved he could. Even his foul brother begrudgingly pays him a small tribute. Kevin McCallister begins Home Alone 1 as a pauper, but he ends the film as a prince.


Part Two: Lost in New York
Home Alone 2 gets a lot of flack for being too similar to Home Alone. It has many of the same story beats. But Lost in New York is a radically different story because during these similar story beats we are following a very different Kevin. This is not powerless Pauper Kevin, this is Prince Kevin who knows how to kill and could if he wanted to. This is Kevin in a new environment where his character can truly be tested.

Lost in New York begins with a conflict between Kevin and his brother, who embarrasses him publicly. Kevin responds violently, punching him in the face to indicate he is not to be trifled with. The extreme response alarms his family. They corral around older brother Buzz to indicate Kevin shall not usurp the natural order and so long that he remains a threat to their hierarchy they will remain united against him. This is infuriating to Kevin who is deposed back to the bottom of a kingdom he once ruled. He fumes and bides his time, denouncing their latest holiday conquest as the clan makes plans to invade Florida for another wretched holiday.

Through a series of predictable mishaps where the horrible family fucks up another routine and makes it everyone else’s problem, Kevin and his family are separated at the airport. Kevin flies to New York City while his family flies to Miami. It is here that we must pause to respect the different context in which this story begins.

In Home Alone 1, Pauper Kevin becomes king of McCallister Castle for a short time. We can denounce his actions in the first film, but we cannot deny his claim to his ancestral abode. His actions are justifiable in the name of personal protection against outside forces that threaten him. Over the course of this film he embraces the necessity of violence to ensure his own safety in his own home. By the end of the film he loses control and cedes rulership back to his family, but he remains in control of his violent tendencies. Prince Kevin will not tolerate being under foot for long. The taste of the boot is most loathsome when you have worn the boot even once. Kevin has worn the boot.

When Kevin arrives in New York, he is recast from invaded to invader. He arrives in the city hungry for power and freedom and is determined to get it. Provided with infinite economic resources backed by his father’s credit card, Kevin selects The Plaza Hotel as his new castle. He overthrows its residents and bends them to subservience.

What’s important to remember about The Plaza and its staff is that they have every right to be there. That is their station. It is their job. Kevin is the one who should not be there, and he must bend rules and manipulate people to settle inside. Every act of resistance he faces from the hotel staff is entirely warranted, but it is through these rational actions we are meant to develop an animosity towards them. How dare they stand in the way of Kevin McCallister, the destroyer?

How can we blame the service staff for doing their jobs? How can we deny them the right to resist Kevin’s invasion? Are we really to sympathize with Kevin, the interloper, as he admonishes and torments wage workers who depend on this work for their livelihoods? If Kevin’s actions in Home Alone 1 were justified because he was being invaded, is the resistance of the service staff not justified in the face of Kevin’s own invasion? Every action they take is in accordance with the policy and procedure of their hotel, the laws of the land Kevin is occupying, but Kevin pushes through until he is seated in control of the building.

Once Kevin is indulged and given control of the building and the staff, he degrades and humiliates them at every turn. He makes them fear for their very lives. These people who work here, who have objectively done nothing wrong, are treated with tremendous indecency. This is not Kevin versus his family, this is not Kevin versus bandits. This is rich and spoiled Kevin McCallister, with infinite money he did not earn, defiling and deprecating wage staff who must indulge him for the wages they need to live. This is the horror of how Prince Kevin treats his subjects - with all the hatred in his heart. Under literal threat of death they must serve him.

One of the repeated story beats in Lost in New York from the first film is that Kevin encounters a mysterious older character whom he fears and does not understand. In the first film, he learns that the old man he was afraid of was actually a kindly neighbor who is suffering the burden of a long-held grudge. Kevin is meant to learn from his experience with this man - that kindness and forgiveness is the path to happiness. It is this lesson he internalizes to reconcile with his own family at the end of Home Alone 1. But when Kevin comes face to face with the “Pigeon Lady” in Central Park, he recoils in abject horror and disgust. Kevin cannot extend to her the same learned decency and kindness he gave to the old neighbor and his own family because he does not view her the way he views these people. This woman is hardly human. This woman is homeless.

The Pigeon Lady, who is not even respected enough in Kevin’s world to have a name, lives in the park covered in pigeon shit. Kevin fears her until she saves his life, after which he is able to see her utility because she has benefitted him. We learn from The Pigeon Lady in a surprisingly insightful sequence that she has trouble connecting with people because they act as if she is not there. This is something the homeless often describe as the most degrading aspect of their plight - to be treated with such little consideration that they barely exist to people. She says she was not always homeless - that she had a family, and a house, but all of that is gone now because the people closest to her abandoned her. Paralyzed by her heartache and trauma, she lives alone with the birds in the margins of society where nobody cares if she lives or dies.

Kevin listens to her story with vague interest. He affirms that it is her fault she is like this because she refuses to open her heart to people. He claims that he understands what it’s like to be homeless because his family doesn’t pay attention to him all the time. The poor woman just accepts his lecture, which we are meant to perceive as sound advice, and then the old woman explains that good deeds makeup for bad deeds and good deeds count even more on Christmas. Kevin tells her that he will not forget her and she tells him not to make promises he won’t keep.

The ethical structure the old woman proposes is that it is never too late to stop doing bad deeds and start doing good ones. Kevin, who lives selfishly, can make the choice to be selfless at any time. As Kevin sits there in the cold with the shit-covered woman who has no place to live, he meditates on what it might mean to do a good deed. He puts the thought in the woman’s head that he will remember her. Any sensible viewer would imminently expect Kevin to be charitable towards his rescuer, but Kevin has no honor. Instead, he resolves that the best good deed he could do is get revenge on The Wet Bandits.

Of course, there is another motivation. There is a toy store who donates their holiday profits to the children’s hospital, because it is an American hospital and there is no publicly funded healthcare. The Wet Bandits are robbing the toy store, which will deprive the children’s hospital of their donation that they need to keep babies alive. Kevin realizes that part of being rich is giving away the money of the working class while taking credit and reaping the accolades for allowing it to happen.

He lures The Bandits to his rich uncle’s New York City penthouse, which is being lavishly renovated while the family vacations in Europe (as usual). He tortures The Wet Bandits and prevents them from stealing the money. Kevin takes credit for preventing the robbery and we are meant to understand that this was his “good deed” that was meant to erase his cruelty.

But what of The Pigeon Lady, whom Kevin swore he would keep in his thoughts and not forget? Well, you see, he gives her a bird ornament. You know, the woman covered in real birds that serve as her only companionship, he gives her a small toy bird. Let it be clear here that Kevin has infinite access to money. He has access to two separate residences - a five star hotel where he is staying and enjoys every luxury and the empty penthouse belonging to his uncle - and he offers no shelter to the woman. He doesn’t offer her anything to eat. He doesn’t offer to let her come back to the hotel and take a shower. He doesn’t even offer her a ride somewhere in his limo. He gives her a toy and leaves her behind forever - because she is homeless in New York City and Kevin lives in a mansion in Chicago.

Kevin is reunited with his family and is cosmically rewarded for his long string of misdeeds and receives a bounty of gifts from the toy store as his actions. Kevin’s intensely material existence continues and the rich get richer, but the nameless woman in Central Park stays cold.


Epilogue
This year on Disney+ they released another Home Alone cash-in called “Home Sweet Home Alone”, in which they did the only thing they could possibly do to make Kevin worse and turned him into a British boy. They did something else too - something that was supposed to be subversive that landed flat on its face.

In Home Sweet Home Alone, two hard on their luck parents are being forced to sell their home due to their financial difficulties. This is something they hide from even their own children, whose Christmas they are trying to preserve. The couple are played by Rob Delaney and Ellie Kemper and are portrayed as entirely affable, good natured people suffering hard times. Their plight is tragic and heartbreaking and the actors who play them are some of the most likable and charming faces imaginable. These “New Bandits” are our sympathetic leads. The New Bandits discover a box of old dolls in their house that have been in the family and find one with an unusual imperfection. They wonder if they might be able to sell them to give their kids a better Christmas.

The “Kevin” character, whose name is not Kevin but I will continue to call him Kevin, is a repugnant snot who constantly roasts everyone in his family because he hates everyone so damn much. To this Kevin, life is a dreadful stage show for him to jeer and boo from the comfort of the palace he lives in with his international family. He ends up at an open house for the home of the new bandits where Rob Delaney’s character playfully denies New Kevin a can of soda when he demands one. Kevin’s eyes fill with rage as he plots his revenge and he swipes something from the home to punish his lessers. The world belongs to him, don’t they know?

After the open house, the couple discovers that the doll with the imperfection is a legendary collector’s item worth $200,000 - a huge amount of money that could turn around their fortunes and save their family home. But when they rush to the box to retrieve the doll - it’s gone! Horrible Kevin has stolen the doll! He knows not what he’s done, but his quest to harm those around him for any perceived slight has succeeded better than he ever imagined.

Desperate to reclaim the doll and save their family and their home, the couple attempts to reclaim the doll from New Kevin. He Home Alones the shit out of them, punishing them with gruesome acts of extreme violence. In the original films, The Wet Bandits made no concessions towards wanting to murder Kevin. Harry literally says he’s going to bite Kevin’s fingers off in Home Alone 1. They are going to shoot him under a bridge in Home Alone 2. The Wet Bandits pose a severe and lethal threat to Kevin. But the New Bandits? They are just a poor couple trying to take back something that was stolen from them. And Rich British Kevin punishes them for it most horrendously and violently.

This movie understands something about Home Alone, and that’s that Kevin McCallister is evil and hates the lower class. But what it wrongfully assumes is that this is why we watch it. Home Sweet Home Alone is more of an honest take on Home Alone than I’d expect and in being so honest it explains what is so perverse about Kevin McCallister and his behavior. Home Sweet Home Alone is the mask-off movie - but I have seen through the mask for years. I have glared through its eye holes at the dark, lifeless pits behind them and seen the deep hollow wickedness of Kevin McCallister for years. I did not need Home Sweet Home Alone to spell it out for me.

The “twist” of the movie is that New Kevin did not steal the doll. He stole a can of soda. The doll was in the house all along. It has a happy ending and everyone becomes friends. The father willingly gives New Kevin a can of soda. Kevin always gets his way. The rich get richer and the rest freeze in the park.

---

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas, readers. May you hold as much hate in your heart for Kevin McCallister as he does for you and have the courage to strike him down should you ever meet one cold night in Central Park. Peace and love to all.

I'd like to think I know Home Alone 2: Lost in New York...i teach a class on it at Yale.

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/new-twitter-ceo-under-fire-for-controversial-10-year-old-tweet.521844/
wth I like Twitter now

[HaughtyFrank]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/new-twitter-ceo-under-fire-for-controversial-10-year-old-tweet.521844/
wth I like Twitter now

The irony is that RE is actually in favor of not distinguishing between white people and racists

[Straight Edge]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/what-do-you-think-of-white-skin-tone-emojis.522174/

Let's be real if you're using anything except the classic yellow, you're probably racist 😱

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/ever-hear-of-a-cock-meat-sandwich.521811/#post-77925615

You literally just said "2008 was a long time ago". So, no, not everyone is going to know what this is/was. But even if they did, that's besides the point, it was homophobic then and it's homophobic now. Not to mention a bunch of other shitty things about it too. And at the very least you should let people know you're posting a "comedy" scene with slurs in it. Some people don't want to hear that shit.

Update on op!

User warned: Low effort thread creation containing video with homophobic slurs

[Straight Edge]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-most-popular-ships-in-fanfiction.522069/



   

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/what-do-you-think-of-white-skin-tone-emojis.522174/#post-77974257

i'm black but none of the brown ones actually fit my skintone so I always stuck with the yellow ones bc i feel they were racially neutral

[remy]

Homestuck still in there after all  these years

[Nintex]

Alex Jones / Joe Rogan and the Ding Dong of Patriots is missing from that list.

AOC / Hunter Biden also missing.

[Uncle]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/what-do-you-think-of-white-skin-tone-emojis.522174/#post-77974257

i'm black but none of the brown ones actually fit my skintone so I always stuck with the yellow ones bc i feel they were racially neutral

this is one of the more sane posts though

a white guy using the white emoji is doing it On Purpose just like a black guy using the black emoji is doing it On Purpose

because it takes more effort to do so if you actually go to that effort you are making a passive aggressive statement

everyone who sticks to yellow is normal and chill 

[Nintex]

👌 👌🏻 👌🏼 👌🏽 👌🏾 👌🏿

[remy]

 

[clothedmacuser]

Just wait until you read his savage takedown of Barney the Dinosaur!

(Image removed from quote.)

Trump showed up on that day and just hung around the set till someone was polite enough to ask, "uh, do you want to do a cameo." 

"What?  Me?  How unusual but if you are begging."

Edit: crap beaten. 

[Snoopycat_]

From the mong's fentanyl thread -

For me personally, it was Jesus who freed me from drug bondage.

Thanks Jesus

[FUME5]

I think nothing loud needs a good slap to wake up to himself but with the lack of chin he has that would probably kill him.

[Don Rumata]

These black hands emoji don't even feature a lighter skin-tone on the palm tho.

[benjipwns]

He hides under the guise of "My psychiatrist and therapist are both of aware of these things and encourage me because we're all so progressive"

If that is true, he needs to get new therapists.  A good therapist should be challenging you, not enabling poor behavior.  That's almost shit that should cost someone their license.

Doesn't he already have like four therapists or something?

[FUME5]

Iirc has two therapists and a couples therapist.

[clothedmacuser]

Trump showed up on that day and just hung around the set till someone was polite enough to ask, "uh, do you want to do a cameo." 

"What?  Me?  How unusual but if you are begging."

Edit: crap beaten.

That really is true.  It's not just one of my shaky hands fantasies.  The producers talk about it in some podcast.

From the mong's fentanyl thread -

For me personally, it was Jesus who freed me from drug bondage.

Thanks Jesus

I absolutely will not chide  person for overcoming a drug addiction with the power of Jesus even if it sounds trite.

I overdosed when I was a heroin addict, it's a horrible experience to go through. I carry Narcan in my truck just in case I ever come across someone who has OD’d because it really is a life saver.

I wish I could hear more of that story.  I assume you just pass out and get re-awakened on a gurney and freak out because you don't know where you are.

[tiesto]

he wouldn't have written this if macauley culkin hadn't committed the sin of breaking bread with those racist bigots at redlettermedia 

or if trump hadn't cameoed in the second one  

And he also filmed an AVGN episode with James Rolfe, who committed the awful awful sin of not reviewing the all-female Ghostbusters movie! Cancel him at once!!!

[benjipwns]

I'm going to actually read that FF post unlike you uncultured swine.

[benjipwns]

I'm going to actually read that FF post unlike you uncultured swine.

So now I have a lot of thoughts on this. One is that FF seems to be attempting to simulate what he thinks a funny human might write but actually is just a spiteful rant about a fictional child he wants (literally he says) dead for offending him every year when he deliberately rewatches the film. He concedes Kevin is actually morally correct in most of his actions, is growing and expanding his understanding of tolerance of others as a child will do, and that overall Kevin is trying to be a good person. But he still declares him completely evil and wants him to be brutally murdered. He does this by casting moral aspersions on every one of Kevin's actions, even while admitting most of them are correct or at least neutral. And then ratcheting up the claims when FF sees fit. For example, it's appropriate to criticize Kevin (a kid remind you) for being mean to the staff at the hotel. But this isn't good enough for FF, he instead proclaims after more overwrought condemnative "Prince Kevin" moralizing that the staff is under "literal threat of death" to serve Kevin specifically.

He spends a lot of time writing moralizing reasons that Kevin feels threatened by the Bandits only because they're threatening his new bougie freedoms, or as FF sees it his false "rule" over nobody, heavily implying that Kevin is simply abusing them sadistically for being poor before admitting it is in self-defense. Later, FF also concedes that yes, the Bandits do explicitly intend to kill Kevin.

He also claims, multiple times, that Kevin has access to "infinite" resources in Home Alone 2. And he heaps another moral failing on Kevin for not ending homelessness in New York City with these. But he does not have infinite resources. He has his dad's credit card. Even presuming there's no limit on the card, KEVIN'S FAMILY HAS TO PAY FOR IT ALL.

He also pretty much states that the proper, honorable action for Kevin would have been to not protect the toy store and therefore the donations to the children's hospital but instead to allow the Pigeon Lady to temporarily enjoy luxury. While this may be an arguable moral position (and Kevin might be able to do both!), personally I think the children's hospital might be more necessary but I might be wrong, it's not a very good plot for an comedy where people expect to see Daniel Stern get hit with paint cans.

Revise and resubmit.

[benjipwns]

I'm going to actually read that FF post unlike you uncultured swine.

So now I have a lot of thoughts on this. One is that FF seems to be attempting to simulate what he thinks a funny human might write but actually is just a spiteful rant about a fictional child he wants (literally he says) dead for offending him every year when he deliberately rewatches the film. He concedes Kevin is actually morally correct in most of his actions, is growing and expanding his understanding of tolerance of others as a child will do, and that overall Kevin is trying to be a good person. But he still declares him completely evil and wants him to be brutally murdered. He does this by casting moral aspersions on every one of Kevin's actions, even while admitting most of them are correct or at least neutral. And then ratcheting up the claims when FF sees fit. For example, it's appropriate to criticize Kevin (a kid remind you) for being mean to the staff at the hotel. But this isn't good enough for FF, he instead proclaims after more overwrought condemnative "Prince Kevin" moralizing that the staff is under "literal threat of death" to serve Kevin specifically.

He spends a lot of time writing moralizing reasons that Kevin feels threatened by the Bandits only because they're threatening his new bougie freedoms, or as FF sees it his false "rule" over nobody, heavily implying that Kevin is simply abusing them sadistically for being poor before admitting it is in self-defense. Later, FF also concedes that yes, the Bandits do explicitly intend to kill Kevin.

He also claims, multiple times, that Kevin has access to "infinite" resources in Home Alone 2. And he heaps another moral failing on Kevin for not ending homelessness in New York City with these. But he does not have infinite resources. He has his dad's credit card. Even presuming there's no limit on the card, KEVIN'S FAMILY HAS TO PAY FOR IT ALL.

He also pretty much states that the proper, honorable action for Kevin would have been to not protect the toy store and therefore the donations to the children's hospital but instead to allow the Pigeon Lady to temporarily enjoy luxury. While this may be an arguable moral position (and Kevin might be able to do both!), personally I think the children's hospital might be more necessary but I might be wrong, it's not a very good plot for an comedy where people expect to see Daniel Stern get hit with paint cans.

Revise and resubmit.

Shut up, nerd.

[BIONIC]

[Skullfuckers Anonymous]

Why isn't 4chan banned as a source on Era? 95% of the 'leaks' there are completely made up. If developers want to give inside information a year or two after release they go to well known investigative authors and journalists like Jason Schreier, they don't randomly dumb stuff on an anonymous imageboard.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/residents-evil-3-remake-development-archives-leaked-fake-leaks-used-for-marketing-short-length-concerns-more.522138/page-2#post-77977731

 

[Taco Bell Tower]

they go to well known investigative authors and journalists like Jason Schreier

[benjipwns]

Why would someone go to Schreier to see if he'd write a piece on some random ass slideshows and really niche fan behind the scenes screenshot crap instead of just dumping the PowerPoint on 4chan anonymously?

crazy buttocks on a train didn't die for this Schreier worship over anonymous dumps

[BIONIC]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/supreme-court-appears-poised-to-roll-back-abortion-rights-in-us.522339/#post-77992356

I wonder if the people who raided the diplomatic compound in Benghazi had any idea the lasting consequences their actions would have

[benjipwns]

Special shout out to:
Comey for his *very important* Benghazi investigation in the final hours of the campaign season

This was not a thing.

[benjipwns]

Thread is amusing, it reads like almost the exact inverse of a thread I read a few days ago of people on the right who are all convinced the traitors on the Supreme Court (who didn't Stop The Steal) like ACB and Roberts are going to stab them in the back again and uphold abortion.

The most likely scenario is probably a narrow ruling anyway, I doubt they completely overturn Roe/Casey. Even if they happen to uphold this Mississippi law then US law on abortion is still more lax than most all of Yurop last I knew. It's not ideal but I'd take that if it's for some stupid reason required in order to kill SR8.

[Potato]

Why isn't 4chan banned as a source on Era? 95% of the 'leaks' there are completely made up. If developers want to give inside information a year or two after release they go to well known investigative authors and journalists like Jason Schreier, they don't randomly dumb stuff on an anonymous imageboard.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/residents-evil-3-remake-development-archives-leaked-fake-leaks-used-for-marketing-short-length-concerns-more.522138/page-2#post-77977731

 

4chan actually has a much better track record of leaking info than JShitheel or any of those other ITK Muppets.

Schrier never leaked anything that wasn't deliberately fed to him as part of a marketing plan. Ever.

[Kurt Russell]

Schrier never leaked anything that wasn't deliberately fed to him as part of a marketing plan. Ever.

Do you think that includes the piece he did on the development hell of OG Destiny? (aka the only thing he's ever written that I enjoyed reading)

[Nintex]

To all the reset era crossboarders
You will never be a real woman

 

4chan takes no prisoners

[Straight Edge]

Why isn't 4chan banned as a source on Era? 95% of the 'leaks' there are completely made up. If developers want to give inside information a year or two after release they go to well known investigative authors and journalists like Jason Schreier, they don't randomly dumb stuff on an anonymous imageboard.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/residents-evil-3-remake-development-archives-leaked-fake-leaks-used-for-marketing-short-length-concerns-more.522138/page-2#post-77977731

 

4chan actually has a much better track record of leaking info than JShitheel or any of those other ITK Muppets.

Schrier never leaked anything that wasn't deliberately fed to him as part of a marketing plan. Ever.

Not true, I guarantee he leaks his undies all the time.

[GreatSageEqualOfHeaven]

I'm going to actually read that FF post unlike you uncultured swine.

Oh, I read it.

You missed how he treats writing down his entirely banal thoughts like he's finally achieving something off his bucket list (and you know the discord chat was "oh, man, I could write like 5,000 words about how much I hate home alone!" "Oh, you should totally do that, that would be hilarious!") and the casual anglophobic racism (Gotta Punch uhhhh well its not Up is it?)

[GreatSageEqualOfHeaven]

US law on abortion is still more lax than most all of Yurop last I knew.

Is it?*
Outside of Catholic strongholds like, well, basically just Italy and Ireland, AFAIK most of europe its just go see a doctor, no fuss. There's nobody making you watch a 10 minute video of how precious every child is or anything because the law says they have to make you say 'yeah, I do wanna get rid' like, 5 times in a row to make really really sure the reason you went there is still valid.

Most european countries AFAIK treat it as a medical / womens health issue, not a moral one.

*genuine not sure, not snark

[Potato]

Schrier never leaked anything that wasn't deliberately fed to him as part of a marketing plan. Ever.

Do you think that includes the piece he did on the development hell of OG Destiny? (aka the only thing he's ever written that I enjoyed reading)

Just went through that story now. Reads like a PR "leak". Destiny had a shitty development and launch. My recollection is a bit fuzzy, but they pretty much did a FF14 with The Taken King and basically went all out to resurrect what was a dying mess of a game through a mid-lifecycle revamp.

Putting a story like that out was good PR to current and new players that basically said, "We fucked up, it's other people's fault, they no longer work here, please keep playing our game, we promise it's better now."

JShreiker is a useful idiot for that because he is willing to put aside his scant professionalism and dignity to claim that he's done anything more than copied and pasted the quotes provided to him by Activision PR/Marketing.

Remember, this is the guy who, every single time he's scooped by some neck beard on 4chan, claims he could have broken the story and had been working on it for several years. Never mind that when he runs his so-called story, it's just a rehash of existing reporting with barely anything new that doesn't come from "unnamed sources".

I've read gossip rags about the British Royal Family that had more concrete and named sources than J Fucking Schreier ever had in his whole career.

[Snoopycat_]

Abortion laws are very relaxed here. They give out free coupons with bottles of Baileys

[clothedmacuser]

Why isn't 4chan banned as a source on Era? 95% of the 'leaks' there are completely made up. If developers want to give inside information a year or two after release they go to well known investigative authors and journalists like Jason Schreier, they don't randomly dumb stuff on an anonymous imageboard.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/residents-evil-3-remake-development-archives-leaked-fake-leaks-used-for-marketing-short-length-concerns-more.522138/page-2#post-77977731

 

inside information a year or two after release

I guess that explains the Schreier info pipeline lag.   

[Joe Molotov]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-most-popular-ships-in-fanfiction.522069/
(Image removed from quote.)
(Image removed from quote.)

   

[clothedmacuser]

I wish I could hear more of that story.  I assume you just pass out and get re-awakened on a gurney and freak out because you don't know where you are.

+0:00 - I rail a pretty short line... Much shorter than what I used to do.
+0:05 - Nothing yet... I start to second guess the potency(mistake)
+0:08 - Start feeling it coming on. Really bad post-nasal drip and a burning feeling in my throat. Slight stomach uneasiness.
+0:10 - Not really getting any higher. Wonder if I didn't do enough. Decide to wait it out. More weird feelings. Terrible throat burning that will not subside even after heavy ingestion of highly flavored liquids. Nose is somewhat numb. Weird hearing sensation(Dampened sense and slight pain...similar to taking off in an airplane).
+0:15 - All above sensations multiplied. Unbearable throat burning. Face completely numb. Completely deaf. Vision slightly blurred. Start to walk to the stairs to get help.
+0:16 - I get to the stairs and I try walking up but I'm completely blind. I don't remember falling but I was on the floor. I finally realize that this is me overdosing. I am positive that this is my end. I say goodbye and pray.
+0:2? - I don't remember the timing of my return to consciousness but I remember my basement door coming back into focus. I get up drenched in sweat and in complete disbelief. I immediately thank God for sparing my life because there is no doubt in my mind He was there today because there is no reason I should have survived. I wouldn't doubt it if I actually was dead for a few seconds but I'm alive now and I can't be more thankful to the Lord and my true Savior.

https://erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=79713

I have more to look into this.  I'm not going to pollute this little segment about it.

In my naive mind you use the drug to the point you pass out and then wake up in an ER room.

[Joe Molotov]

I guess it beats waking up in a dumpster where your dealer tried to dispose of your body like Nikki Sixx.

[porkbun]

That used to happen quite a bit because people were scared of being arrested.  A lot of states have passed "Good Samaritan" laws where people who drop off someone who is ODing at a hospital won't have the police get involved.

[HaughtyFrank]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/in-the-13-years-since-street-fighters-resurgence-with-street-fighter-iv-weve-only-gotten-one-black-newcomer.522423/

4 out of Street Fighter IV's 11 newcomers were white
6 out of Street Fighter V's 15-16 newcomers were white

This... doesn't sound like a horrible ratio? (and why is he focusing on white characters when his issue is the lack of black characters?)

Certainly not enough for takes like this

The switch to a more uniformly white European cast is especially shameful for Street Fighter because it goes against the whole concept.

[SmokyDave]

(and why is he focusing on white characters when his issue is the lack of black characters?)

You know why.

[headwalk]

i self identify with black emojis because i look better with a tan.

[GreatSageEqualOfHeaven]

[SmokyDave]

[joeboy101]

samoyed
Banned

  User banned (duration pending review): Inflammatory comparison of Taiwan to the Confederacy, long history of inflammatory posting

Nov 4, 2021

 

Mod Admiral Benji, can you sort this?

[Nintex]

Inflammatory comparison of Taiwan to the Confederacy

 

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/this-cat-is-probably-more-jacked-than-you-are.522408/

Stolen shamelessly from Reddit

[Propagandhim]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/this-cat-is-probably-more-jacked-than-you-are.522408/

Stolen shamelessly from Reddit

Over/Under on the amount of banned months the guy posting Ronny Coleman in a thread full of jacked animals will get?

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/splinterlands-blockchain-collectable-card-game.522111/#post-77967711
Lol

[HaughtyFrank]

So this guy from the "women are sluts" thread has Germany as his pronoun...

[Ghoul]

B-A-I-T

https://www.resetera.com/threads/this-cat-is-probably-more-jacked-than-you-are.522408/

Stolen shamelessly from Reddit

these distinguished mentally-challenged fellows, everything must come back to MCU.