The one that I've always remembered
Dumbfuck: "My website isn't working"
Me: "OH I'm sorry to hear that. Can you try typing in another address?"
Dumbfuck: "That also doesn't work"
Me: "Ok, seems like your internet is down, you should get in touch with your internet provider"
Dumbfuck: "Thats why I'm calling YOU!"
Me: "Umm sorry, we're not your internet provider. We've only designed and developed your website"
Dumbfuck: "Then who should I contact?"
Me: "Your internet provider, perhaps <lists well known internet providers/cable companies>"
Dumbfuck: "But my website is broken"
Me: "No, your website is fine, it's just your internet connection"
Dumbfuck: "No, it isn't. I'm not paying you anymore, my website is broken"
Me: "Can you type in <a government website>"
Dumbfuck: "That also doesn't work"
Me: "Right, because you have no internet connection"
Dumbfuck: "But I clicked on the INTERNET"
Me: "Well, I've got to go, I recommend giving <internet provider> a call"
Dumbfuck: "What's their number?"
Me: "Just look it up on the internet!" *click*