It's 20XX and people are mad online about Star War!

[Joe Molotov]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Kylo turns good at the end of act one
Rey dies in the beginning of the second act
Kylo brings Rey back to life
As Rey wakes up Kylo kisses her
Kylo says he sensed Rey wanted to be with him,, Rey responds she wanted to be with Ben
Kylo gets pep talk with force ghost Han Solo
Han Solo has an emotional moment with Kylo where they say they love each other
Kylo goes out to kill Palpatine towards the end of act 2
Palpatine force lightnings Kylo down a hole
Rey meets Palpatine, not much happens, Palpatine tries using force lightning and she simply deflects it back at him
Palpatine dies, according to everyone speaking on it, very suddenly
Rey goes to Tatooine, on the way there Finn tries to confess his love for her, but he holds back
Apparently Rey says something about having more feelings for Finn than Poe or Kylo

[close]

lmao what is this horseshit CW garbaggio

Which of these scenes does "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" play over?

[Kara]

let's redeem ginger first order shouting man next

Yeah, how outrageous would *that* be.

[MMaRsu]

Pretty glad I didnt watch the second movie now  not invested at all

[Don Rumata]

why are they redeeming kylo jesus fucking christ

all they had to do was let kylo stay an asshole and give him some kind of goal for the third film and had him die like the shithead he is. but i guess literally every person is cool deep down except for palpatine. let's redeem ginger first order shouting man next

spoiler (click to show/hide)

(from what i've read, he frees Poe and Finn from prison, to stick it to Kylo, before getting killed).

[close]

[Don Rumata]

BTW the next trilogy coming in 2 years, will be Sheev's redemption arc.

[Tasty]

Not only do those spoilers not sound consistent from movie to movie, they aren't even consistent within just the spoilers themselves.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Rey kisses and says she wants to be with Ben, but later she has more feelings for Finn than any Ben or Poe?

[close]

Yes let's friendzone the major black character to make sure he's even more pathetic 

I was thinking the opposite, the TFA racists are going to have a field day with Rey "choosing" Finn.

[Himu]

last Jedi is totally gonna be this trilogy’s empire

You know what I remember about Empire? When they lost and they partied and had mimomas.

[TakingBackSunday]

I loved TLJ, and this sounds fucking hysterical.  Not reading any of the spoilers but I can only imagine

I'm sure I'll like it, but I'm deeeeefinitely gonna avoid all internet discussions about it

[Tasty]

Oh man I'm really looking forward to BN's thoughts. Either way.

[Himu]

They managed to make me hyped to see Rise of the Skywalker after the mess that was TLJ but only by making its sequel an even bigger, more hilarious mess. Will definitely rent from Redbox or stream on Netflix while stoned.

[Coffee Dog]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Kylo turns good at the end of act one
Rey dies in the beginning of the second act
Kylo brings Rey back to life
As Rey wakes up Kylo kisses her
Kylo says he sensed Rey wanted to be with him,, Rey responds she wanted to be with Ben
Kylo gets pep talk with force ghost Han Solo
Han Solo has an emotional moment with Kylo where they say they love each other
Kylo goes out to kill Palpatine towards the end of act 2
Palpatine force lightnings Kylo down a hole
Rey meets Palpatine, not much happens, Palpatine tries using force lightning and she simply deflects it back at him
Palpatine dies, according to everyone speaking on it, very suddenly
Rey goes to Tatooine, on the way there Finn tries to confess his love for her, but he holds back
Apparently Rey says something about having more feelings for Finn than Poe or Kylo

[close]

lmao what is this horseshit CW garbaggio

spoiler (click to show/hide)

So he both kisses her back to life and falls down in a hole never t be seen again?

[close]

I'mma keep it real with y'all. I thought TLJ was kinda wack but in never subverted expectations nor was it wack because of it. But this sounds both like it subverts expectations and fucking sucks

spoiler (click to show/hide)

That happens several scenes later.

Kylo apparently doesn't talk much in this movie ""cinematic"", he kills the Knights of Ren while going to Palpatine effortlessly. He talks to the emperor very briefly where we see that Snoke is being mass-produced cloned as the new Emperor. The emperor than uses force lightning to blast him quickly down a hole where he dies.

[close]

wait what

why wasn't

spoiler (click to show/hide)

snoke performed by ian macdermid then

[close]

that's just not a conclusion any reasonable viewer would come to

[Himu]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Kylo turns good at the end of act one
Rey dies in the beginning of the second act
Kylo brings Rey back to life
As Rey wakes up Kylo kisses her
Kylo says he sensed Rey wanted to be with him,, Rey responds she wanted to be with Ben
Kylo gets pep talk with force ghost Han Solo
Han Solo has an emotional moment with Kylo where they say they love each other
Kylo goes out to kill Palpatine towards the end of act 2
Palpatine force lightnings Kylo down a hole
Rey meets Palpatine, not much happens, Palpatine tries using force lightning and she simply deflects it back at him
Palpatine dies, according to everyone speaking on it, very suddenly
Rey goes to Tatooine, on the way there Finn tries to confess his love for her, but he holds back
Apparently Rey says something about having more feelings for Finn than Poe or Kylo

[close]

lmao what is this horseshit CW garbaggio

spoiler (click to show/hide)

They took the strong, independent female lead and made her a dick magnet in the story

[close]

[Tasty]

that's just not a conclusion any reasonable viewer would come to

Because the idea of who Snoke was in The Force Awakens, and the idea of who Snoke was in The Last Jedi, are different from what they actually ended up doing.

JJ set up the mystery box only for Johnson to punt it, forcing the sloppy last-minute inclusion of the Emperor*.

*There's a quote from some guy on the Sequel Trilogy who said Palps coming back in 9 was George's plan all along, but really, fuck off.

[Himu]

I had to remember who ginger guy even was.

[Kara]

Let's put the LOST guy in charge of Star Wars.

[Himu]

Let's put the LOST guy in charge of Star Wars.

[NekoFever]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

And the "ginger guy" that made the Hitler speech? Whose character was cartoonishly evil and impotent as an "own" to 'modern fascist youth'?

Dude was a Resistance spy the whole time 

[close]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Not the whole time. He just hates Kylo and wants to bring him down. So since the end of TLJ.

[close]

[Himu]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

And the "ginger guy" that made the Hitler speech? Whose character was cartoonishly evil and impotent as an "own" to 'modern fascist youth'?

Dude was a Resistance spy the whole time 

[close]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Not the whole time. He just hates Kylo and wants to bring him down. So since the end of TLJ.

[close]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ah. So his space nazism that results in trillions literally dead is fine so long as he switches

[close]

[Tasty]

What happens to Leia?

spoiler (click to show/hide)

She dies of natural causes sometime in the movie. (Inaccurate, see 2133's post below.) Afterwards, Rey visits Ach-To and Luke's ghost says that since she *just* died, he can't feel her distinct "presence" in the Force (yet) -- hence no Leia Force Ghost, womp womp.

But apparently her voice speaks to Rey in the climax, alongside a bunch of other Jedi.

[close]

[Joe Molotov]

[Joe Molotov]

The Final Order

[Tasty]

Executing the Final Order

Executing Order #66

[Tasty]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

There's no answer for this, but if Palps was behind everything, why is he desperately trying to re-brand all of Snoke's shit?

And why did he re-brand it all when Snoke started up anyways? Seems to me that'd cost a lot of money/effort that'd be better spent elsewhere.

Also where the fuck did he get the cash for all this?

"Oh but cash doesn't matter in Star W-" Yeah except 50% of the last movie was an anti-capitalist side quest in pursuit of scarce resources.

[close]

[Don Rumata]

Can't wait for "Final Order 66 - second revision (FINAL)", in the next one.

[Kara]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

There's no answer for this, but if Palps was behind everything, why is he desperately trying to re-brand all of Snoke's shit?

And why did he re-brand it all when Snoke started up anyways? Seems to me that'd cost a lot of money/effort that'd be better spent elsewhere.

Also where the fuck did he get the cash for all this?

"Oh but cash doesn't matter in Star W-" Yeah except 50% of the last movie was an anti-capitalist side quest in pursuit of scarce resources.

[close]

Don't know if Snoke was privy to the particulars of The Contingency, but all of the "I built this" is just things proceeding according to keikaku.

As for money, they do have immensely powerful weaponry and traveled to spaces unknown. One would assume some combination of piracy and slavery until they had sound fiscal policy.

[Kara]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

There's no answer for this, but if Palps was behind everything, why is he desperately trying to re-brand all of Snoke's shit?

And why did he re-brand it all when Snoke started up anyways? Seems to me that'd cost a lot of money/effort that'd be better spent elsewhere.

Also where the fuck did he get the cash for all this?

"Oh but cash doesn't matter in Star W-" Yeah except 50% of the last movie was an anti-capitalist side quest in pursuit of scarce resources.

[close]

Don't know if Snoke was privy to the particulars of The Contingency, but all of the "I built this" is just things proceeding according to keikaku.

As for money, they do have immensely powerful weaponry and traveled to spaces unknown. One would assume some combination of piracy and slavery until they had sound fiscal policy.

shut up, nerd

e: "During this time, he had been investing in expensive resources used to seed the Unknown Regions with storehouses, shipyards, and laboratories, a fact known only to Emperor Palpatine and an elect assembled by Palpatine." -The Last Jedi novelization

[Nintex]

The Sith are clearly bankrolled by Pu-tin of the Russkia system

 

[Pissy F Benny]

These spoils look awful   

[Great Rumbler]

smh

[Don Rumata]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

There's no answer for this, but if Palps was behind everything, why is he desperately trying to re-brand all of Snoke's shit?

And why did he re-brand it all when Snoke started up anyways? Seems to me that'd cost a lot of money/effort that'd be better spent elsewhere.

Also where the fuck did he get the cash for all this?

"Oh but cash doesn't matter in Star W-" Yeah except 50% of the last movie was an anti-capitalist side quest in pursuit of scarce resources.

[close]

Don't know if Snoke was privy to the particulars of The Contingency, but all of the "I built this" is just things proceeding according to keikaku.

As for money, they do have immensely powerful weaponry and traveled to spaces unknown. One would assume some combination of piracy and slavery until they had sound fiscal policy.

shut up, nerd

e: "During this time, he had been investing in expensive resources used to seed the Unknown Regions with storehouses, shipyards, and laboratories, a fact known only to Emperor Palpatine and an elect assembled by Palpatine." -The Last Jedi novelization

*He doesn't know about the budgetary constraints that forced Lord Vader to drink through a straw for the rest of his days. 

[headwalk]

the new trilogy is like a treatise on how you can make star wars films that are nothing like the prequels but somehow just as bad and probably more damaging to the saga as a whole.

you never run out of new mistakes to make.

[Pissy F Benny]

Make these films non canon and let Lucas make the real sequels   

[Uncle]

I've read enough spoilers of other media and then seen the real thing afterward to know that sometimes things that sound wack as fuck end up working in the final product, execution matters

I fully expect this to be a hilarious nightmare and produce many memes and tears but it's still premature to call it without seeing it

but I'm not gonna see it lol

wait for rlm deconstruction 

[Don Rumata]

I've read enough spoilers of other media and then seen the real thing afterward to know that sometimes things that sound wack as fuck end up working in the final product, execution matters

True but:
1) There are more bad SW movies than good ones.
2) This trilogy has been a mess since the beginning.
3) Even a great director with 100% creative freedom, wouldn't have been able to create a coherent, satisfying arc, with one final movie, after the confusion of 7 and 8.

You can't have a punchline land if the set up isn't there.
So what they did, it seems, is go all in with the pathetic and shameless fan service; a well they run dry a while ago.

I'm genuinely open to being surprised, but all elements point to a big (mostly unavoidable at this point) trainwreck.

[Tuckers Law]

More than likely it’s going to be shit, the fans are still going to be whining manchildren and will still watch it multiple times in the theater and spend hundreds of dollars on Star Wars merch.

Meanwhile Star Trek will still be better despite being just as or more mismanaged, especially if we’re including The Orville.  Suck it, Jedi-dorks.

[Uncle]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I love that the entire new trilogy is about kylo failing at literally everything he tries to do, gets soundly beaten in every movie until yeeted into a pit 

[close]

[Joe Molotov]

The Alt-Right is at it again!

[Don Rumata]

Imagine if Trevorrow was to direct this like he was supposed to. 

It could've been an even bigger turd!

[Nintex]

I don't buy that Rian Johnson suddenly turned into a bad director or that JJ had no original ideas for Star Wars.
Stuff like the Casino planet just screams some executive yelling they need something for FAMILIES in the Star Wars movies.

When you read about how some brand director is closely monitoring everything Factor 5 and now Respawn did with the video games, you can't help but wonder how it must be for the movies.
There's scenes in the Last Jedi that were clearly altered like the scene in which Finn was suppose to have died.

Also, there's the start of TFA even, when scenes of Leia lobbying for support against the First Order are known to have been cut out.
You simply can't convince me that Disney spend billions on getting the Star Wars IP and then told the movie guys: "Eh, just do whatever".

Lucas doesn't even seem to be on speaking terms with anyone involved in these movies.
There's some secret hidden in the Disney vault and a bunch of very expensive NDA's that probably show just how much corporate fuckery was going on behind the scenes.

[ToxicAdam]

These early reviews are going to set the expectations so low that people will come out of the movie thinking it was just okay.

I mean shit, I see people now claiming that Valarian was a misunderstood, fun, sci-fi romp.

 

[Nintex]

These early reviews are going to set the expectations so low that people will come out of the movie thinking it was just okay.

I mean shit, I see people now claiming that Valarian was a misunderstood, fun, sci-fi romp.

 

Valerian was better than the Last Jedi. There I said it. But that doesn't say much.
Also it was a big waste of money lmao.

[Don Rumata]

Valerian is exactly the same shit as 5th Element.
If you like one, you probably like the other.

[paprikastaude]

7 was good

b-b-b-ut remake

so? it was a decent remake, which isn't that common to begin with.

[Nintex]

Imagine if Trevorrow was to direct this like he was supposed to. 

It could've been an even bigger turd!

The Jurassic World movies are more consistent than Star Wars.   

[Tasty]

Imagine if Trevorrow was to direct this like he was supposed to. 

It could've been an even bigger turd!

The Jurassic World movies are more consistent than Star Wars.   

the last movie was almost literally two different films stitched together

[Don Rumata]

Imagine if Trevorrow was to direct this like he was supposed to. 

It could've been an even bigger turd!

The Jurassic World movies are more consistent than Star Wars.   

I'd be willing to call the last Jurassic World movie, the worst movie i've ever seen, with a budget above 2 million dollars (just to rule out obvious B-tier garbage).
It was unspeakably horrid.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Granted i barely like any of 'em.

[close]

[EchoRin]

Valerian is exactly the same shit as 5th Element.
If you like one, you probably like the other.

Love 5th Element. Didn't care for Valerian. And I even made sure to see it stoned. Oh well. Chemistry between the main girl and guy just didn't do it for me in Valerian.

[Don Rumata]

Valerian is exactly the same shit as 5th Element.
If you like one, you probably like the other.

Love 5th Element. Didn't care for Valerian. And I even made sure to see it stoned. Oh well. Chemistry between the main girl and guy just didn't do it for me in Valerian.

I liked Valerian, but i agree with that.
That guy's just insufferable in everything i saw him in, and playing the charismatic space charmer was probably as wrong as you could go with the casting.

I just can't fuck with Luc Besson making sci fi for whatever reason.

It's some corny shit, but he kinda nails the vibe of the French Sci Fi comics i used to read as a kid.

[Rahxephon91]

I always found calling Force Awakens a remake to be a shallow criticism that doesn’t understand how media works.

Yes a huge genre defining series like Star Wars has iconic elements. No shit a new modern installment meant to basicly bring it back, reuses those elements.

This happens in every rather long running and iconic series. From James Bond to Gundam. The series themselves have their own cliches and troupes that make them that. The real question is how well does the creator use those or reinterpret them.

For Force Awakens is give them like a 7/10.

My main problems being the set-up of the world feels so forced and too safe. By all means have a new empire, but the world makes no sense to have this ragtag rebel group be the only thing fighting it. Finding a balance between new and old is hard and I never thought Disney would be up to it.

[Rahxephon91]

Spectre exists. I’m sorry.

[Himu]

I was spoiled on TLJ and thought it sounded good, didn't see it till it was out on VOD and thought it was bad cause of how it executed it's ideas.

That was surprising as I genuinely think Rian Johnson is a good director, JJ fucking sucks 99% of the time so I don't doubt it'll be just as awful in execution as it reads on paper.

This whole thing is insanely mismanaged. Yeah, George Lucas didn't have a plan with the OT either but him being in charge of all three meant at least it would move coherently from movie to movie. Here you had a bad director who is a little too obsessed with mystery boxes start it off on the safest ground possible, a weirdo director who either doesn't like SW or didn't care to make one outside of experimenting with it but not really committing to any of his ideas while somehow still evoking the OT's scenes and ending a trilogy in the second part, now the first director is back to try and pull out an ending out of thin air by retconning ideas people actually liked in TLJ even if they didn't like the movie.

It's a complete mess. They're better than the prequels, which isn't hard as those three movies are on a level of awful you can only find in movies yet to leave the VHS format. But as a trilogy they don't really fit in to each other very well.

No way is TLJ "better" than the prequels. They're on the same level.

[Kara]

When I saw The Force Awakens I hadn't arrived at the correct line on Star Wars movies so I was a little miffed that they'd invalidated all of the Expanded Universe content and then liberally aped the Darth Caedus plot along with a slice of Dark Empire II for the movie.

Anyway, it just struck me that we've gone back to the Dark Empire II well with this movie with our actual villain appearing. I'd say JJ must really love that comic but that's probably giving him way too much credit.

[thetylerrob]

Calling TFA a remake was always so dumb. General audiences were starved for a Star Wars movie that was actually good, of course they played it safe.

[Nintex]

What little I've seen of the Empire so far in The Mandalorian works better than The First Order. Run down thugs, forced to do their dirty work underground, pawning off the assets they've smuggled from their former strongholds.
Resources are limited and the New Republic is not able to secure the outer reaches yet, exactly what would happen in a power vacuum.

Plus there's the EA Battlefront II game which also shows the Empire right after the Emperor is death, seeking revenge.
Both handle it better than suddenly "The New Order is bigger than the entire republic and blows it up in one shot lmao"

The new trilogy really limited itself by starting out destroying the New Republic and giving The First Order seemingly more power and infinite resources.
A more interesting premise would've been a shattered Empire, some factions allying themselves with the New Republic others fighting on their own and of course a group still loyal to their former Sith Masters.

Kylo could for example seek to reunite these factions to restore order, naming his group: "The First Order", sometimes allying himself with the New Republic at other times betraying them.
Luke and others are not sure what to make of Kylo's plans to control the chaos, but they think he's still acting for the good guys.

[EchoRin]

I'm sure most of you here know, but I don't remember anymore. There was never a real plan for Episodes 7 through 9 right? Like they didn't write the 3 episodes out prior to shooting the 7th episode? That wouldn't even be a problem as the last few posters have pointed out that ep 7 was a reintroduction more or less. You got a big cast and new faces. See how the audience took these new characters and then make a true plan for your next two episodes. But they straight up have created these episodes that are supposed to be fully connected (not James Bond sequel style), but decided to write them up one at a time without much forethought, yeah?

Wat?

[Tuckers Law]

Not really saying much when the material they had was even worse than any of the prequel stuff.

[EchoRin]

Man TLJ is kinda wack but nothing is as bad as prequel material. The cognitive dissonance when comparing the prequels to Disney's own flaccid attempts make no sense to me.

Like have y'all seen Attack Of The Clones? That shit was as putrid as putrid gets.

Agreed. I'll never forget coming home from Ep 3 and oddly enough Ep 2 was on TV. Just at the moment when our main heroes are chained up in some gladiator arena or whatever. I watched for like 10 minutes or so and was pretty much thinking "my god this is just plain old shit".

In retrospect I feel bad that I made my mom take me to see Ep 2 in theaters. Same way I felt about making my aunt go see Matrix Revolutions.

[Tuckers Law]

For as terrible as AotC is (and no mistake here, that movie is TERRIBLE), it at least has a story that makes more sense than whatever junior jumble got turned in as the active script for TLJ.

[nachobro]

the video games are better than most of the movies anyway

[Coffee Dog]

TLJ absolutely whoops on the prequels by virtue of having a few good scenes with Rey/Kylo, compared to the prequels lack of anything that even reaches the level of competent.

There's just nowhere the prequels have an edge on anything in this comparison - the script, acting, and direction are all woefully inferior. As much fun as it is to be a contrarian, the prequels really are that bad.