Struggle Thread mk II - No one likes us, we don't care

[Madrun Badrun]

Sorry dude. 

[CatsCatsCats]

I’m just trying to steel myself for the struggle and stay open for the fact that I’ll have a completely different life in a few years, better or worse. Considering moving to either Florida, Houston, Denver or Atlanta. (Can easily transfer for work to those locales.)

[CatsCatsCats]

Sorry, I’ve made a decision. No more white girls.

[TVC15]

Sorry, Cats sounds shitty.

[CatsCatsCats]

I start most mornings on one of these:



and it’s so easy to think “wow I could do a proper drop hanging from up here”

So that’s a dark thought that I’m trying to scrub out

[TVC15]

I’m sorry, Cats. You come across as a decent person and that’s sad to here. I’m clueless when it comes to relationship shit because I was never dumb enough to be interested in girls, but if you ever feel the need to say arbitrary emotional things but you don’t feel comfortable sharing them with someone you know, feel free to talk to this impressively stable individual right here. I need input for my work.

[team filler]

Slipping back into being crazy on edge half of the time;  like flipping between zen and losing it at the smallest provocation. 

Then if I entertain the "edge" I spiral pretty quickly and then have trouble shaking what bothered me.   Will completely distract me, and I'll do weird shit like randomly make a face or scoff out loud at something that happened earlier that my brain decided to go over again.   

Does not feel like a healthy mind inside of my head, but at least I'm aware of it.  Of course I keep losing it, despite this awareness.. but trying to more quickly reign it in.

I don't know if it's the time of year or what.. I'm of course also dreading the holidays and being endlessly PTSD triggered.

go vacation in somewhere sunny and warm. you deserve it, breh 

[TVC15]

Slipping back into being crazy on edge half of the time;  like flipping between zen and losing it at the smallest provocation. 

Then if I entertain the "edge" I spiral pretty quickly and then have trouble shaking what bothered me.   Will completely distract me, and I'll do weird shit like randomly make a face or scoff out loud at something that happened earlier that my brain decided to go over again.   

Does not feel like a healthy mind inside of my head, but at least I'm aware of it.  Of course I keep losing it, despite this awareness.. but trying to more quickly reign it in.

I don't know if it's the time of year or what.. I'm of course also dreading the holidays and being endlessly PTSD triggered.

go vacation in somewhere sunny and warm. you deserve it, breh 

Can we all come over to your place and do a bunch of crank with strippers? That dude in your avatar would look kinda like ET if I had my dick in him...

[team filler]

never disrespect lee roadster 

[team filler]

Slipping back into being crazy on edge half of the time;  like flipping between zen and losing it at the smallest provocation. 

Then if I entertain the "edge" I spiral pretty quickly and then have trouble shaking what bothered me.   Will completely distract me, and I'll do weird shit like randomly make a face or scoff out loud at something that happened earlier that my brain decided to go over again.   

Does not feel like a healthy mind inside of my head, but at least I'm aware of it.  Of course I keep losing it, despite this awareness.. but trying to more quickly reign it in.

I don't know if it's the time of year or what.. I'm of course also dreading the holidays and being endlessly PTSD triggered.

go vacation in somewhere sunny and warm. you deserve it, breh 

Can we all come over to your place and do a bunch of crank with strippers? That dude in your avatar would look kinda like ET if I had my dick in him...

I don't even want to come over to my place and no meth/strippers unless I visit GA/AL 

[TVC15]

Slipping back into being crazy on edge half of the time;  like flipping between zen and losing it at the smallest provocation. 

Then if I entertain the "edge" I spiral pretty quickly and then have trouble shaking what bothered me.   Will completely distract me, and I'll do weird shit like randomly make a face or scoff out loud at something that happened earlier that my brain decided to go over again.   

Does not feel like a healthy mind inside of my head, but at least I'm aware of it.  Of course I keep losing it, despite this awareness.. but trying to more quickly reign it in.

I don't know if it's the time of year or what.. I'm of course also dreading the holidays and being endlessly PTSD triggered.

go vacation in somewhere sunny and warm. you deserve it, breh 

Can we all come over to your place and do a bunch of crank with strippers? That dude in your avatar would look kinda like ET if I had my dick in him...

I don't even want to come over to my place and no meth/strippers unless I visit GA/AL 

Bitch, we go down to where you live, I get a nice hotel room. You provide local crank and strippers. You, me, Cats, riotous, strippers, crank. Party. I’ll bring a KISS tape. Let’s do this, before the end of the year.

[team filler]

I'll taking you hiking up to the gaviota wind caves and you can get a good nights rest up there with me 

[TVC15]

I'll taking you hiking up to the gaviota wind caves and you can get a good nights rest up there with me 

Will you do mushrooms with me there?

[TVC15]

fine. filler, no crank... but PCP is on the menu. We’re going to ride the wild, baby

[BisMarckie]

Probably gonna have to sell the house this summer as part of getting a divorce. I don’t think I can get myself on board with what the soon to be ex wants to do: build a separate dwelling on the same property and continue to partner financially/ as parents. Just seems too pathetic, even for me. Of course she’s pissed that I’m back tracking on being up for that but honestly she’s not a great financial partner and if we’re splitting up we should split it up so we can move on. Idk. Fighting suicidal thoughts everyday but still have a few anchors in this world keeping me held down, fortunately.

Sorry to hear that breh.

I obviously don’t know anything about you and your marriage, but having been through a divorce myself, all I can say is: You’re doing the right thing backing out of that deal.
This shit will hurt for a while, but once the whole financial mess is untangled, it will be just like a breakup. You have managed those before, so you will be able to manage this one and be a stronger and better CatsCatsCats than ever before.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Probably gonna have to sell the house this summer as part of getting a divorce. I don’t think I can get myself on board with what the soon to be ex wants to do: build a separate dwelling on the same property and continue to partner financially/ as parents. Just seems too pathetic, even for me. Of course she’s pissed that I’m back tracking on being up for that but honestly she’s not a great financial partner and if we’re splitting up we should split it up so we can move on. Idk. Fighting suicidal thoughts everyday but still have a few anchors in this world keeping me held down, fortunately.

Shit man, hang in there

That double dwelling thing sounds like a trap.

[CatsCatsCats]

Y’all I’m sorry for being so dark, I’ll make it out of this and keep playing my role in the crazy shit no worries

[CatsCatsCats]

It does help. Like I already feel way less likely to do that shit now that it’s on a video game forum splinter forum splinter forum’s b side (love y’all)

[Tasty]

Love you Spence, you'll get through this. I think despite your self-doubt regarding your near-future, your head is actually in the right space and your instincts are probably correct -- she may hate you for it now, but separating completely (#DENNISSystem? ) seems like the healthy option and she may thank you for it later.

In any case, we'll be here in the meantime.

[Madrun Badrun]

Have my committee meeting today.  Really nervious. 

[CatsCatsCats]

Hope it went really well, my dude

[Madrun Badrun]

It went good - not sure why I have been so worrried about for a year and a half. 

[toku]

it be like that

[CatsCatsCats]

Gonna be spending thanksgiving alone

[Cerveza mas fina]

Comfort yourself with the thought that he prob earned more too so the firing is surely cost cutting.

[Tasty]

Gonna be spending thanksgiving alone

Cook some turkey, get baked and watch a bonkers action movie.

[Rufus]

Edit: now I remember he was a subcontractor through another company so he must have cost a pretty penny.

Helps explain why he openly talked back to superiors.

[brawndolicious]

Well Esch, I recently took over a project from a guy who retired. He was a "company man" in that he kissed ass all the time but would whine a lot about how stressed he was over his workload.

I dive into it and realize he at most had a few hours of work a week. And he would go months without responding to emails so there would be just random tasks from a year ago that are waiting for somebody to spend two minutes to close out. His job was mostly to coordinate with employees in other departments and they're telling me that it would take dozens of calls and emails over several weeks before he got back to them. And then if he never followed up, they'd all sit and wait until either a regulator or an industrial customer kicks up a shit storm when they realize how behind we are.

On top of all that, he got paid 50% more than me and got benefits. I mean, their are people who struggle to engage the project management side of work and then their are those simply don't give a fuck. I'm honestly pissed that my boss didn't have the balls to fire this person, hopefully you had a similar guy on your team.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

And he also did that remote employee living out of a camper thing. And of course he was the only person in the entire company that has a permit for a emotional support dog.

[close]

[Clockwork5]

I moved across the country, away from my family, about a week ago to move in with my girlfriend. Everything was going well, then 2 days ago I got a call from my mom. She had been feeling dizzy and fell and hit her head. The docs did a scan and found the breast cancer she had been keeping under control for 3 years had spread to her brain. This was my biggest fear when moving away, that her health would start to decline but fuck man... I only left a week ago. It’s so fucked because just before I left she had a scan on her breast tumor and everything was looking stable. I left town thinking she was going to be okay for a while.

[Tasty]

Haha holy shit I'm so fucked.

[BIONIC]

[CatsCatsCats]

Sorry, Tasty

My parents are making this whole situation so much harder they are the worst

[Madrun Badrun]

What's wrong Tasty? 

[Tasty]

What's wrong Tasty? 

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Just Tasty Things™

[brawndolicious]

That's fucked up. Didn't you just start the job?

If they do screw you over/go out of business, the bank might be able to work with you. They don't usually like to do foreclosures.

[TVC15]

Sorry Tasty

[CatsCatsCats]

That’s awful, Tasty. Hang in there

[Tasty]

Thanks everyone.

That's fucked up. Didn't you just start the job?

If they do screw you over/go out of business, the bank might be able to work with you. They don't usually like to do foreclosures.

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[TVC15]

I’ve been in a lot of pain the past four days and it has me in a foul mood and I’m really not looking forward to going to work and dealing with people tomorrow

[I'm a Puppy!]

I'm sorry Tasty. I worked for a crooked company once. Luckily I had access to their financials and when I consistently saw they didn't have money to make payroll I bailed. I still lost tens of thousands stock/retirement funds but I know it sucks. I had friends that stayed til the bitter end, it took years for them to get made hole.

I'm sorry cats cubed. I hope things go better.

TVC, that sucks. Mondays are already hard enough.

[CatsCatsCats]

Man, I feel like I need a hidden thread for me to dump all my midlife crisis shit I’m going through.


So, I talk to my parents about how my wife and I are splitting, I go over in advance of thanksgiving, they are doing it on a Saturday this year because of my brothers travel plans, I go on Tuesday. My mom knew about things being on a weird break status for awhile, I lay down the deal, we’re splitting this is how we’re working it, I hope we can all continue to treat each other as family, kiss kiss. Friday noon I get a text uninviting my soon to be ex from thanksgiving, but my stepson and I are of course welcome anytime 🙄🙄 so of course I tell them go pound salt thanks for pulling the rug out on me, enjoy your holiday without me fuckheads. And now my brother is trying to treat me like I’m the one being an asshole because I’m not falling in line with carving her out of my life immediately and coldly. To complicate things, my brother is getting married early next year and I just spent like 700+ on plane tickets and a baller ass air bnb place for his bachelor party weekend and I honestly just want to tell him to go piss up a fucking rope, he has p much 0 sense of what empathy is and just wants to coast on my parents toxic shit. Great, he can have all their shit in the will, at least I won’t have to deal with them getting older and meaner every year.



Whooooooooooweeee

[chronovore]

Dude. That all sounds incredibly fucked. Hang in there.

[BisMarckie]

As someone who doesn't know anyone involved:
Don't burn bridges with your family just yet. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding and they just wanted to show you some loyalty in this breakup?
Especially don't alienate your family over your ex's(or yours in behalf of her) hurt feelings. I know these are turbulent times, but don't make it more complicated by pushing your family away from you.

[CatsCatsCats]

Context: I’m practically begging for a good enough reason to burn that bridge because my family is the WORST

But I am trying to reach out calmly and explain how I feel to them

[Mupepe]

Rescinding the invitation should have been a conversation with you on how you want to handle it. If you explained the situation then they basically tried to force more tension and drama on you in an already shitty situation. Fuck that. You don’t need anyone stirring that shit up.

[BisMarckie]

Riotous is right, my family was always  great and supportive and that is the perspective I am coming from. They deserve the benefit of the doubt every time.

Looks like your family isn’t that way and yeah, that sucks.
I am still rooting for you Cats 

[CatsCatsCats]

Corporate shut down a location today that a lot of my good coworker friends work at. Feels bad. Just straight up “this is happening, get your stuff, it’s your last day”

[Mr. Gundam]

Most of you know that I had open heart surgery a couple years ago to fix a congenital issue with my heart's mitral valve. I've never felt 100% right following surgery back in 2017. I used to be an avid runner, but running became impossible and walking on an incline like a hill or stairs were often strangely taxing. I have consistently brought all of this up to my cardiology team but they've always been like "sorry that sucks" until this October at my yearly echocardiogram where they're like "oh no that's not right." Over the last two months I've had a transesophageal echocardiogram and lung function/exercise test and now I'm setting up a consultation with the surgery team. My mitral valve is still leaking (in the severe stage) and I will likely need to have another open heart surgery and a valve replacement this time instead of fixing my more than likely shredded mitral valve. My heart function is still normal with no current signs of decline, but that won't last forever, so it's looking like 2020 will begin for me with surgery after the holidays and six weeks of sternal precautions.

I'm glad they're finally listening to me, I'm glad they're doing something about it and I'm really glad that I'll be able to run and not want to die walking up stairs, but dammit why do I and my wife and daughter and family have to go through this again.

Good thing I've got therapy next week.

[Mr. Gundam]

Man that is scary dude;  they really do pretty amazing things with heart surgeries these days but it’s still a frightening thing to face.  Hang in there man.

It is really amazing. My first experience two years ago was great all things considered. Just sucks I’ve gotta do it again, and I’m only 38 and healthy.

[Brehvolution]

Corporate shut down a location today that a lot of my good coworker friends work at. Feels bad. Just straight up “this is happening, get your stuff, it’s your last day”

Merry Christmas everyone!

[Mupepe]

Lots of layoffs at my job this week. The atmosphere is incredibly depressing. To boot, I absorbed someone's entire position which 1) I'm completely unqualified for and 2) do not have the bandwidth for that fucking shit.

[skullstorm]

Most of you know that I had open heart surgery a couple years ago to fix a congenital issue with my heart's mitral valve. I've never felt 100% right following surgery back in 2017. I used to be an avid runner, but running became impossible and walking on an incline like a hill or stairs were often strangely taxing. I have consistently brought all of this up to my cardiology team but they've always been like "sorry that sucks" until this October at my yearly echocardiogram where they're like "oh no that's not right." Over the last two months I've had a transesophageal echocardiogram and lung function/exercise test and now I'm setting up a consultation with the surgery team. My mitral valve is still leaking (in the severe stage) and I will likely need to have another open heart surgery and a valve replacement this time instead of fixing my more than likely shredded mitral valve. My heart function is still normal with no current signs of decline, but that won't last forever, so it's looking like 2020 will begin for me with surgery after the holidays and six weeks of sternal precautions.

I'm glad they're finally listening to me, I'm glad they're doing something about it and I'm really glad that I'll be able to run and not want to die walking up stairs, but dammit why do I and my wife and daughter and family have to go through this again.

Good thing I've got therapy next week.

Shit that sucks, let's hope the surgery goes well and fixes everything! Fucked up that the doctors didn't listen to you, way too often that sort of thing ends really badly. Glad they finally realized you weren't imagining things.

Coincidentally, my dad seems to be having pretty much the same problem, he had heart surgery 15+ years ago when it was discovered he had a congenital heart condition where the mitral valve was leaking. Now it's come back, the leaking is apparently medium to severe but there is no surgery planned yet, they'll keep watching it for a year. He's in his 70s so it's pretty unnerving, both the fact that he has a heart condition again and nothing's going to be done about it for now, but also the chance of him having to go through open heart surgery at his age, it was hard enough on him the last time.

What's with all these faulty mitral valves these days 

[Steve Contra]

A dear friend was run over and killed by a drunk driver last night. I need a hug :'(

[chronovore]

Most of you know that I had open heart surgery a couple years ago to fix a congenital issue with my heart's mitral valve. I've never felt 100% right following surgery back in 2017. I used to be an avid runner, but running became impossible and walking on an incline like a hill or stairs were often strangely taxing. I have consistently brought all of this up to my cardiology team but they've always been like "sorry that sucks" until this October at my yearly echocardiogram where they're like "oh no that's not right." Over the last two months I've had a transesophageal echocardiogram and lung function/exercise test and now I'm setting up a consultation with the surgery team. My mitral valve is still leaking (in the severe stage) and I will likely need to have another open heart surgery and a valve replacement this time instead of fixing my more than likely shredded mitral valve. My heart function is still normal with no current signs of decline, but that won't last forever, so it's looking like 2020 will begin for me with surgery after the holidays and six weeks of sternal precautions.

I'm glad they're finally listening to me, I'm glad they're doing something about it and I'm really glad that I'll be able to run and not want to die walking up stairs, but dammit why do I and my wife and daughter and family have to go through this again.

Good thing I've got therapy next week.

Hang in there, MrGundam! This sucks, and at the same time, I'm happy you have insurance coverage and competent doctors waiting to help you.

A dear friend was run over and killed by a drunk driver last night. I need a hug :'(

JFC, that is horrible. I'm sad for you and sending gigantic hugs. And puppies. Hugs FROM puppies.

[Mr. Gundam]

Most of you know that I had open heart surgery a couple years ago to fix a congenital issue with my heart's mitral valve. I've never felt 100% right following surgery back in 2017. I used to be an avid runner, but running became impossible and walking on an incline like a hill or stairs were often strangely taxing. I have consistently brought all of this up to my cardiology team but they've always been like "sorry that sucks" until this October at my yearly echocardiogram where they're like "oh no that's not right." Over the last two months I've had a transesophageal echocardiogram and lung function/exercise test and now I'm setting up a consultation with the surgery team. My mitral valve is still leaking (in the severe stage) and I will likely need to have another open heart surgery and a valve replacement this time instead of fixing my more than likely shredded mitral valve. My heart function is still normal with no current signs of decline, but that won't last forever, so it's looking like 2020 will begin for me with surgery after the holidays and six weeks of sternal precautions.

I'm glad they're finally listening to me, I'm glad they're doing something about it and I'm really glad that I'll be able to run and not want to die walking up stairs, but dammit why do I and my wife and daughter and family have to go through this again.

Good thing I've got therapy next week.

Shit that sucks, let's hope the surgery goes well and fixes everything! Fucked up that the doctors didn't listen to you, way too often that sort of thing ends really badly. Glad they finally realized you weren't imagining things.

Coincidentally, my dad seems to be having pretty much the same problem, he had heart surgery 15+ years ago when it was discovered he had a congenital heart condition where the mitral valve was leaking. Now it's come back, the leaking is apparently medium to severe but there is no surgery planned yet, they'll keep watching it for a year. He's in his 70s so it's pretty unnerving, both the fact that he has a heart condition again and nothing's going to be done about it for now, but also the chance of him having to go through open heart surgery at his age, it was hard enough on him the last time.

What's with all these faulty mitral valves these days 

The surgeon who did my repair the last time said my mitral valve was pretty shredded and that a lot of surgeons would just give up and go for a replacement instead. I'm guessing the repair didn't hold and that's what I'm dealing with now.

Still waiting for the call to schedule a consult with a surgeon. [twiddles thumbs]

I don't feel any worse, but my wife is in Boston for work until Thursday night and my parents are out of town, so I'd rather not end up at the hospital with my daughter and make everyone freak out as they haul ass home.

Most of you know that I had open heart surgery a couple years ago to fix a congenital issue with my heart's mitral valve. I've never felt 100% right following surgery back in 2017. I used to be an avid runner, but running became impossible and walking on an incline like a hill or stairs were often strangely taxing. I have consistently brought all of this up to my cardiology team but they've always been like "sorry that sucks" until this October at my yearly echocardiogram where they're like "oh no that's not right." Over the last two months I've had a transesophageal echocardiogram and lung function/exercise test and now I'm setting up a consultation with the surgery team. My mitral valve is still leaking (in the severe stage) and I will likely need to have another open heart surgery and a valve replacement this time instead of fixing my more than likely shredded mitral valve. My heart function is still normal with no current signs of decline, but that won't last forever, so it's looking like 2020 will begin for me with surgery after the holidays and six weeks of sternal precautions.

I'm glad they're finally listening to me, I'm glad they're doing something about it and I'm really glad that I'll be able to run and not want to die walking up stairs, but dammit why do I and my wife and daughter and family have to go through this again.

Good thing I've got therapy next week.

Hang in there, MrGundam! This sucks, and at the same time, I'm happy you have insurance coverage and competent doctors waiting to help you.

DAMN STRAIGHT. We hit our maximum pretty quickly during my last surgery but we still saw all the bills and how much things cost. My pharmacy bill during my stay in the hospital (surgery and cardiac ICU) was $100,000. WTF. I am so incredibly grateful that we have health insurance. I've paid in for years but never used it until a couple years ago.

I am incredibly fortunate University of Washington is my neighborhood hospital (two miles from our house). They're a world class facility AND if you don't have insurance and can't afford to pay they won't ruin your life.

[CatsCatsCats]

Sending love, Gundam

Hit the gym, Stro, then you’ll get the amazing dopamine rush of turning things around

[CatsCatsCats]

Damn, that’s rough, b. Stick in there, at least you’re going to the gym, I couldn’t leave the house this weekend except for coffee and a bomb ass burrito.

[OnlyRegret]

I have been hitting the gym but unable to really do anything due to my energy and stamina being completely wrecked. I figure it will take another 2-3 weeks to ramp back up to what I was doing. I also never get dopamine rushes from the gym or anything else

[Tasty]

My dad's going into surgery on the 16th to determine if he has a tumor in his bladder.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm blood-squeemish IRL and he was telling me what they had done already and I almost passed out in the car.

[close]

[Madrun Badrun]

Hope it goes well.  I'm blood squemish as well (passed out at least twice from it) but watching surgery videos on youtube actually kind of helped.