There's just something really sinister to me about fighting for bodily autonomy and then shaming people for it afterwards. It absolutely does feel like an almost soft coercion, though usually not in the moment and more as a long term suggestion thing to try and alter one's tastes.
Like yeah, rejection sucks, especially when it's something beyond your control. If the way people talk about dating apps online is accurate, I'm apparently undateable there due to being short. I could call people shallow for it, but in the end I'm not in the business of changing someone's preferences when a lot of that is hard ingrained in them, whether through years of societal conditioning or birth. Why would anyone put effort into "deprogramming" themselves when there's plenty of people that DO fit their preferences, unless they run into the 1 in 10000 scenario of finding someone with a dealbreaker trait that they end up falling for over other reasons?
That said, it's also easier to feel this way but never vocalize it with most groups these days because it's apparent at the outset. Yeah, there's dumbasses on Tinder or wherever with "no blacks" in their profiles, but the only negative of not putting that in there if that's how you truly feel is you have to go through more profiles before you get a match. You're not waiting until you're both naked to get to the dealbreaker event when everything is a thousand times more awkward for it. That's really only a thing with trans people if they don't volunteer the information upfront outside of other rare issues people have with hidden body traits (maybe someone has trypophobia and they find their one-night stand partner has a bunch of holes in their body or something). It's even trickier with post-op and becomes more akin to a disagreeable belief that someone could have that would make you not want to sleep with them ("ew, I'm not having sex with a Trump voter!"). I think it's good to be honest with people about anything that could make them rescind consent, even if it makes you feel shitty afterwards. That obviously doesn't give them the right to be violent if they find out after the deed is already done, but always using that as a counterpoint is pure deflection.
You want to analyze why people feel the way they do? Go for it. It's an interesting and very complicated topic. But don't shame people for it unless it extends outside the realm of attraction, in which case it's a different topic altogether.
