January 21
"Hey y'all I'm gonna stick my dick in this rabid pitbull's mouth because there's a hundred dollar bill taped to a nearby tree and the dog promised not to bite my dick off, so it's for the good of us all"
"You might not want to do that, the dog's already bitten off like 60 other dicks"
"Whatevz this is FOR YOU THE PEOPLE, I CAN CHANGE THE DOG"
June 1
"Hey y'all just wanted to announce I'll be withdrawing what remains of my dick from this pitbull's clenched jaw, please celebrate my bravery"