RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[Rahxephon91]

Well I probably haven’t presented the situation correctly.

It also doesn’t matter, because I know my gf and I know what happen.

It’s not good that she sent things to him. I don’t like it.

But the dude is a peice of garbage for creating a situation where it happen. I won’t give a play by play, because it’s dumb stuff. But looking at it, the dude comes off as a delusional incel. At 30+ a man is too old to be pinning for a girl after 9 years and not going anywhere. I realized this for sure when he said that “oh she’s been leading us both on”. Dude, I’ve had sex with the girl. I’m not being lead anywhere.

My gf has a big problem with wanting to please people and keep them happy. Afraid to make people upset and then blame herself. I’ve often felt she does way more for me to the point of an imbalance. But the dude is garbage who took that and used it against her. I’ve had female friends who I’ve pinned for, but I never hounded them for nudes. That’s garbage shit. I also grew up from getting mad at a girl when she dosent like me.

I let this guy have it.

I don’t know. I don’t like what happen. My trust is a bit shaken. But I’m not a pos man. All I can do is be understanding. I don’t want to go #belivewomen here. But when it comes to human interaction it can be pretty complex and not quite simple.

[CatsCatsCats]

Setting boundaries for yourself is not being a POS. Certainly you know your limits and your situation the best here, but what I’m seeing and hearing feels a bit like you aren’t holding her responsible for her actions. Definitely sounds like he was applying a gross pressure, but at the end of the day making videos for someone and sending them takes agency. You should at least be asking what she’s going to change to not break your trust like this again. People are saying cut and run now because trust broken is never easy to repair, but it’s really easy to never actually repair it at all and end up in a toxic resentment cycle or someshit. Tread carefully and good luck, you have grown a lot in this part of your life, secret is if you’re trying you never stop

[VomKriege]

Dude comes across as a piece of shit alright. She probably needs to work on her issues though, not to be coerced or pressured into doing stuff she apparently didn't want to do. You've alluded to why emotional blackmail (which I suppose is what happened here) might be so potent but if your assessment is accurate, stringent boundaries have to be set to the guy.

As for the rest, you're the one living it and making the calls. But I think there's a risk she might end up hurting you, even without any ill intent, ultimately.

[Rahxephon91]

Well they weren’t made for him. They were made for me. They were just “ reposted”.

But the point still stands. It’s shitty on her end and she admits it.

As for trust. Yes it’s going to be a bit different. As I’m still my insecure self. But I trust her because in the end she has been very understanding of me and my problems. She has really fit herself around my wants and needs, sometimes unevenly. I also logically think if she wanted to leave me, well there’s nothing stopping her.

As for the boundaries. I said to never talk to him again. Which I don’t believe will happen.

[team filler]

I also logically think if she wanted to leave me, well there’s nothing stopping her.

she loves you?

[VomKriege]

As for the other thing try to balance it out. In my experience, one partner getting unevenly and overly invested emotionally or pandering to your needs is a recipe for disaster.

Not of that can be fixed as easily as you flick a switch but it's good you're cogent about it.

[Transhuman]

Well they weren’t made for him. They were made for me. They were just “ reposted”.

But the point still stands. It’s shitty on her end and she admits it.

As for trust. Yes it’s going to be a bit different. As I’m still my insecure self. But I trust her because in the end she has been very understanding of me and my problems. She has really fit herself around my wants and needs, sometimes unevenly. I also logically think if she wanted to leave me, well there’s nothing stopping her.

As for the boundaries. I said to never talk to him again. Which I don’t believe will happen.

The guy is a leech, fuck him. But still, if she doesn't understand how this makes you feel or doesn't care, she's not the one. Obviously I don't know all the details but if you don't feel respected I wouldn't stick

[Rufus]

Not to worry you needlessly (since you should be writing her off already), but what are the chances that he told her to tell you?

[Rahxephon91]

0 because I'm aware of the situation and don't think I've presented it here accurately.

I just have to continue trying to be the best person I can be.

[VomKriege]

I just have to continue trying to be the best person I can be.

That's the spirit but recognize it's true whether you're in a couple or not. It obviously doesn't mean being a doormat (not commenting on anything specific, just a general observation).

Can't help but feel like you are falling into the "blame the guy" trap.   She's not an actress and he isn't Harvey Weinstein.

At the end of the day we can only comment on what is presented here moreso than "the reality" of the situation.

[VomKriege]

Otherwise not much on the Western front. Probably not relationship related, but I saw twice friend-who-dont-answer-messages-ever for the first time in a while and she was extremely pleasant both times and seemed sincerely looking forward I came back next week. She's just very mercurial, I think. I'm just glad to be spending some good time with a friend until her next blackout, it's someone my opinion of changed a lot over the years, for the best. I opened a lot to her this time about some long term life shit (that's been a trend recently, I'm a lot less stunted about this), tried to reciprocate.

My newish ex dropped by to bring me some food and eat with me Monday. Very flattered she took that initiative. It's not something she normally do.

So basically all well minus sex 

[Transhuman]

Can't help but feel like you are falling into the "blame the guy" trap.   She's not an actress and he isn't Harvey Weinstein.

If he was direct and said "I have feelings for you, you should leave your bf for me, etc" i'd be able to respect that because at least then he's being direct, and once you're seeing someone you should still be able to entertain other offers. But pressuring someone who is already in a relationship to send you nudes while drunk? I just know that is just something i'd never do, and i'd feel disgusted with myself if I had.

[chronovore]

Yeah, if she's sending nudes -or even highly suggestive photos- to another guy while going out with you, that's fucking weird.

[Bebpo]

I got a like on Hinge from someone and their profile was nice and was scrolling down and then this pretty much killed it.



Like...how can you live with no soul


also I don't wanna necessarily go all era but

spoiler (click to show/hide)

white girl hates the very diverse F&F except for the one white guy Paul Walker.... hmmmm

[close]

[james]

Her parents were likely killed by an illegal street racer running a red and she detests the movies that glorify the lifestyle you asshole have a fucking heart

[VomKriege]

It's always hard to gauge but it's maybe a remark that is partly tongue in cheek or played up. Fast and Furious is pretty exemplary as a loud, shallow, derivative film series.

[Ghoul]

Honestly Rahx I would just make a burner Xbox live account using a name like "Dead Girl" Or something along those lines and troll the fuck out of the guy pretending to be his now disappointed dead ex girl friend.

I bet there isn't even a dead ex, and it's just a story to manipulate or make women feel so sorry for him that they send pity nudes to him, that being said your GF needs to cut the guy out.

I wouldn't be surprised if he also sent those pictures and videos to the rest of the people she plays with... 

[team filler]

ghoul da gawd 

[Ghoul]

I would like to change the xbox name to ouija board 

[Rahxephon91]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

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[close]

[Ghoul]

for both of your sanity, you need to make sure he is forever out of the picture. He seems like a worm that will try anything to get back into her life.

Other than that just keep working on you and make sure that you stand up for her if this guy starts any shit again.

Also bully his sad ass on xbox live haha.

[brawndolicious]

I agree, he's the type of person that everybody in your friend groups need to completely cut off. He's not just an asshole, he seems really, really unstable.

For both you and your gf, I think the problem is that you never reached a point where you were completely happy with yourselves. Your relationship will always suffer if you're expecting some validation from it. Both of you seem to have grown a lot from where you were a decade ago but feeling like you don't have choices/opportunities in life will always lead people to do self-destructive things so you can't use the relationship itself as a test for whether your life is good or bad. It's the type of thing you have to work on independently and you have to accept that whether she progresses or not is out of your hands.

[Transhuman]

I got a like on Hinge from someone and their profile was nice and was scrolling down and then this pretty much killed it.

(Image removed from quote.)

Like...how can you live with no soul


also I don't wanna necessarily go all era but

spoiler (click to show/hide)

white girl hates the very diverse F&F except for the one white guy Paul Walker.... hmmmm

[close]

I think it's more of a you're expected to say RIP because othetwise you sound like a jerk. Like someone might say "I hate Marvel movies (though Chadwick Boseman, RIP) or "Hate the new Star Trek movies (except Anton Yelchin RIP)"

It's not like she saying RIP because she liked him as an actor, it's Paul Walker after all. It's to soften the harshness of saying "All these F&F movies are stupid". You messed up man. She's probably at home thinking 'Why can't I find a guy who wants to rewatch Cowboy Bebop with me??".

[BisMarckie]

F&F girl sounds like a keeper. If I was single I would talk smack about these awful movies after smashing, while you fall asleep with your Ludacris body pillow.

[Rahxephon91]

Actually you know, the more I've thought about this the more and more I don't like it. A good friend pointed out that he basically considered it emotional cheating. More and more I wonder if I'm able to feel comfortable and trusting. My mind wonders and overthinks things quite a bit and I don't really know how to curb that. Or if I even should?

[Transhuman]

You're in the same boat as every other person out there wondering if they can trust their partner. Which would you consider worse: staying together and finding out she's unfaithful down the line? Or her being faithful but you never find out because you broke up with her rather than take the chance? You have to choose your future regrets. Personally I'd rather err on the side of love than the side of caution.

[james]

She has such a horrible history Id let a lot more slide than for the average person.

[naff]

I don't like to weigh in here earnestly as I think everyone needs to approach their relationships in their own way and other people's input is nearly always misguided trash but imo, if you're feeling messed up about her actions you need to be frank with her about how you feel and why and go from there.

[james]

So back in July, I was struggling to decide what to do in regards with my ex in terms of wishing her a happy bday. Ignore it? Passive aggressively like a random birthday post on Facebook? I ended up being a big boy and sending her a $10 gift.

Well, my bday came and went this week, and not a word from her. Not even a facebook like.

It's sad, but comforting in a way. It's clear she doesnt give a shit about me anymore, so we can finally close the door on that chapter and move on. I still miss the cats though, more than her anyway. At least they loved me back.

[BIONIC]

i just wanted to chime in real quick and say self-love is 100% real

 

[VomKriege]

Hot & cold is the flavor of the day. Had a great weekend with the ex, lots of fun. Lots of cuddling from me, the sort you only can make with someone you've been intimate with, that she enjoyed and solicited but she explicitly stopped short of sex. We're seeing each other again in a couple of days, the third time in a week. It's not always easy to find the right balance, initiating is hard for her but I don't want to push any boundaries, she's clear that she's looking elsewhere too and I think she means it.

I guess we'll see.
She really fires me up and a little more than that. And I still push some of her buttons.

[VomKriege]

[james]

Had a great weekend with the ex, lots of fun. Lots of cuddling

My man is living the dream

 

[VomKriege]

Had a great weekend with the ex, lots of fun. Lots of cuddling

My man is living the dream

 

Could do more than cuddle. We had another day of this.
But she doesn't know where she's at and where to stand. Not for lack of attraction but she's complicated in some aspects. I should probably stop pursuing this for my own good but well...

[james]

Had a great weekend with the ex, lots of fun. Lots of cuddling

My man is living the dream

 

Could do more than cuddle. We had another day of this.
But she doesn't know where she's at and where to stand. Not for lack of attraction but she's complicated in some aspects. I should probably stop pursuing this for my own good but well...

Im not mocking my man, I would rob a bank for a cuddle

[tiesto]

3 year anniversary today 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

thinking of popping the question soon but Corona put a bit of a damper on my plan

[close]

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I banged a very cute single mom who claimed she never had an orgasm before. She came several times to where she told me she needed a few days to recover and was the first time she really felt like a woman, whatever that means. She says she’s not quite 100% but wants to fuck tonight. Anyway, here’s a text snippet:

https://i.ibb.co/RhhTYDs/B9-B74309-6-A73-4-B0-C-A05-D-60-DE3-D5-B260-C.jpg

3 year anniversary today 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

thinking of popping the question soon but Corona put a bit of a damper on my plan

[close]

Does she have a nice bush?

[OnlyRegret]

so for the longest time i was curious about dragon ball and finally started reading it and


well


i.... i'm

I'M YAMCHA!!

(Image removed from quote.)

RIP

[MMaRsu]

[VomKriege]

 

[TakingBackSunday]

I’m married now

[Valkyrie]

Just learned that he wears jeans inside and doesn’t own a single pair of sweatpants.

Guess I’m free again, boys.

[Flannel Boy]

Just learned that he wears jeans inside and doesn’t own a single pair of sweatpants.

Guess I’m free again, boys.

[VomKriege]

Just learned that he wears jeans inside and doesn’t own a single pair of sweatpants.

Guess I’m free again, boys.

Now I feel weird.

[Flannel Boy]

You should want to be with a man with good jeans.

[VomKriege]

This must be a French guy thing.

Being weird ? Sure.

[chronovore]

Just learned that he wears jeans inside and doesn’t own a single pair of sweatpants.

Guess I’m free again, boys.

Is this an affront to your sense of style, or ease-of-access?

[brawndolicious]

Well jeans are like guy leggings so maybe it's a self-confidence thing?

[Rahxephon91]

You don't wear jeans inside?

Sweatpants are so lazy. Those are my "not showering and don't care" clothes.

[Rufus]

I slip into comfy sweats the moment I get home. Maybe I just move around too much, but jeans are too constricting.

[Lonewulfeus]

Who wears pants at home?

[VomKriege]

Might be on to something with a colleague.
We'll see.

[Valkyrie]

Just learned that he wears jeans inside and doesn’t own a single pair of sweatpants.

Guess I’m free again, boys.

Is this an affront to your sense of style, or ease-of-access?

I don’t consider them fashionable, but they’re hot and potential visible bulges make it a big tease.
There’s just something about them. It enables a lot of hormones in my body.

[remy]

my gf hates it when i wear sweats

maybe its not meant to be

[team filler]

let her know I intend to make the divorce official as soon as I can. moving forward with my life feels good 

wish I knew where I stand with karla, or if that was all just in my head.

it was never even a real relationship, so pardon if I never thought of it as a real marriage. I had more of a relationship with any of girl I met and had sex with out in there in the south.

[Cryo]

Just learned that he wears jeans inside and doesn’t own a single pair of sweatpants.

Guess I’m free again, boys.

this could be u & filler

[team filler]

I have much better hair

[Transhuman]

Jerry wore jeans inside

[MMaRsu]

I got a chance of getting a date, but shes asking if I have a good idea instead of going for drinks (because government just shut down bars etc )

Who has a good idea

And dont say choking match

[MMaRsu]

You must not remember i live in the netherlands where its currently cold as shit