Depression/mental health thread

[team filler]

I feel good, really. anxious to get into some type of outpatient care. I know I have things to work on and I'm looking forward to it.


thinking more about my time at crestwood and cottage has me feeling better about it. they were doing things to help me that maybe didn't always seem like it at the time. like I saw through it, but also wanted to stay positive and accept help, so I just looked past most of it anyway.

[Nintex]

Sounds like some Jason Bourne shit you went through

[team filler]

I'm not even sure about everything in the ER. when I left my feeling was that the hospital staff are angels  and I think I prefer that.


I felt good and positive coming out of crestwood, but I couldn't keep that up on my own.


I also have to give credit to law enforcement. they have helped me several times and I found myself praying for them along with everyone else. maybe it's just because of my veteran status and all, but I still appreciate them taking me to get help when I needed it.


I just want to get my mind, emotions and life going in a positive direction. I enjoy helping people, eventually I'd like to make that a big part of my life.

[team filler]

Sounds like some Jason Bourne shit you went through

(Image removed from quote.)

it was just stuff like having people do things to trigger a response. problem was that I just didn't give any. I could just pray or meditate if I needed to, or take some medication. I think maybe that was the point, get me in the habit of doing things like that when I start feeling stressers. they were also trying to get me to do things like speak up for myself and not just be passive. it was interesting, seemed so strange how I felt it was all setup for me and partly it was.

at crestwood when I would start showing irritation and vent things out loud. then another patient would reflect that back at me, except the patients doing that were staff. I wasn't always so sure about what was going on and they did let me know at both places. it's just that I couldn't be sure because of the way my mind gets sometimes.

[team filler]

I've struggled so hard my whole life to get to this point. I can't lose it. I never want to be down in that hole again. it's not good for me and it's not good for anyone I come in contact with. I'm scared I won't be able to get help right away. I'm so anxious to get started.


really feeling the anxiety right now. it's like I'm finally present and it's a struggle to keep from going back inside my head. it scares me and things are effecting me instantly. like there was a movie on in mom's room and some lady got shot in the head. I couldn't handle seeing it. I think it's good, I should be effected by things like that. it should be scary to be doing things differently. getting help from mental healthcare professionals without being distant. being vulnerable for real. the care I've gone through in the past did help, but I was still not dropping my guard completely. getting help scares me now, maybe it always did.I don't even want to meditate or take anything to calm down. I want to remain present, let things effect me like they should.

[team filler]

there was a lot of damage done, but like all things it is passing.

I've been working through it and the worst is already over.

[Tasty]

Being responsible for 9 chicken deaths on Monday has actually kinda got me fucked up bad, and other family drama shit this week didn't help. :/ Just need to vent.

These days I can tell when I've entered a depressive episode because I mentally want to end most sentences IRL with "fuck off and leave me alone." And also I don't see the point in getting out of bed.

Social interactions are so difficult right now, and I don't know how to communicate that without seeming whiny or dickish. Just gotta tough it out, but that fake smile is what sucks the most.

Will keep telling myself what I'm feeling isn't real, that the people in my life are more supportive than I'm giving them credit for, and that eventually I will claim greater agency for myself and my decisions.

[Don Rumata]

4 months of 2021 has actually been worse than all of 2020

For real.
Lost 2 family members in the span of a couple of months (one to covid).

Light at the end of the tunnel was an oncoming train, who knew.

[team filler]

doing extraordinarily well, feeling it's time to explore therapy


if we are feeling well we may think we can stop treatment or that we do not need it to begin with. we can also do what it takes to continue feeling well.

[team filler]

just thinking about how the inpatient care may have fucked me up worse than all the chit that came before it. from the ER room on, they did a number on me and I really just needed help to recover. I've been recovering from the inpatient insanity they put me through this whole time, on top of all the other chit that was going on and then caring for mom on top of it.


none of the people who run their mouths could survive an hour of  any of that, especially not when combined. I lived through it 24 hours a day and I'm still here and enjoying my life. I pray you all find your way to some peace as well.

[Bebpo]

Working on a life plan rn to get myself back together.

Feels like even being vaccinated and back to life in CA, everything that was my life is gone and I'm back to square one in doing something. My friends are all kind of flakey, my horror meetups I used to organize has their next event in december and no one seems real interested in getting it back going, my dating profiles are all bad and outdated, so been in a depression funk in my free time of trying to motivate myself to do something. Been driving to parks and walking around taking photos and stuff mostly. And working out daily.

I either need a new hobby, or I need to get motivated enough to put my horror group back together by thinking of (safe) event ideas or finding (safe) events going on soon.

[chronovore]

It is not my intent to diminish your problems, only to affirm that we're all going through a bunch of shit right now. Having a pandemic would have been stressful enough, but we also found out MANY in our American society are selfish, racist, STUPID fuckbags whose concept of freedom is so fragile that hoping they'll "look out for those around you" is considered a personal attack on their rights.

…and then we got to find out some of our friends and relatives also rolled this way.

It has been a shocking few years, and it felt like it was accelerating toward a cliff.

So it's no wonder you're feeling out of sorts.

[team filler]

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[Mr Gilhaney]

ALS sucks big time. The dad of a kid I was support teacher for got it, and seeing the disease progress was rough, can only imagine what it's like for family. But the good thing is the mind is still there, so being with her is a very good thing, and most certainly making her life a lot better. Hope you and your mom manages to have a good time despite the disease.


Edit: For myself, I'm on my last paycheck this month, and then I will be unofficially unemployed. I got enough saved up that I shouldn't have a problem financially for quite some time, but I also hope to be able to loan money for a house soon, a fairly perfect house for what I need (i have about 2/5 of the value saved up myself). Felt fine not having a job and being fired due to illness, but I have a feeling I will get rejected due to no permanent work and it will fucking suck. Dont want to ask parents for help. Hoping that never owing anyone money and always paying everything on time will work to my advantage though.

Started doing long walks every day, and working out with dumbells every second day. It isn't much, but it really has made me feel better physically, and that helps feeling better mentally in the end. No real anxiety over surgery, no panic every time the phone rings thinking it's the hospital, and no stress due to not working.

[team filler]

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[Mr Gilhaney]

Can't do more than that, no point in taking on the pain yourself at least. Wasn't aware of her mental state before all this, so I apologize for assuming anything, but I am sure it's making her days a lot better either way. 

[chronovore]

well the mental health aspect is part of what makes it so difficult at times. mom's mental health wasn't great before this and I imagine even a mentally healthy person would struggle with losing use of legs and arms. it's just so much for her to have to go through and I was taking too much of it on myself. I have learned to care without taking myself down doing so. when mom is in pain I can just do what is possible for me to do and leave it at that. I am no longer breaking down over it and taking on all the pain myself to the point I become unhealthy.

I apologize in advance for how trite this is, but I always think of the pre-flight airline safety demonstration regarding oxygen masks: Take care of yourself first, in order to safely take care of loved ones next.

[team filler]

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[chronovore]

Please make sure you get the care you need and deserve, so you can give your mother the care she needs and deserves.

[benjipwns]

ALS is real poop, my dad's brother had it back in 2011-13 before finally passing, I dunno why that Lou Gherig jerk invented it

bless up for choosing non-violence, always

[team filler]

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[Bebpo]

Since I lost all my friends during covid (they didn't die, just one person turned against me for not attending their fucking birthday party during year 1 pandemic and excised me from the friend group completely), I've realized not having anything to fall back on means every time shitty stuff happens I end up back in a depression since I have no support and pretty much live and am totally alone.

I started learning game dev and making games to get me out of a long depression since my last relationship and it worked and was doing pretty good. Then got down again when I lost track during my next game, and then got up again when I made a new game and had a couple of good dates in a row.

I got ghosted this week by my last date in a pretty suck way. Don't mind getting ghosted since that's how dating goes, but things had been starting well and after our last date they were texting me how excited they were to see me again with emoticon smiles and stuff and then real quick within a day or two they started getting reaaaaal slow & short on replies and after a few of those just totally ghosted. Sucks when you think things are good and then rug is pulled out.

So been pretty down again and it sucks. Gonna start Elden Ring finally to try to find something new to focus on for a bit. Really just wish I had friends because they were a major safety net when things like this would happen to have a friend to go get a drink with and hang out. Just not even sure how to make new irl friends these days during the pandemic since I'm a weirdo and still wearing masks and like no one else is here.

[Uncle]

I'm just a dumb internet rando and I don't really know you but I hope things get better for you bebpo

I don't know how to make new IRL friends either, mostly I've been lucky having nice coworkers with similar interests plopped next to me out of nowhere, like thanks universe

but I'm also not a super social person

the only things I see recommended usually are random club/group meetups like finding people who play D&D in your area, but stuff like that gets weirder as you get older, like, what if you show up to a game with nothing but teens

it's like you're expected to already have your groups by a certain point and eventually there's nothing 

[Bebpo]

Thanks, yeah meetups are how I've made my last couple of groups of friends irl over the past decade.

But right now I'm kinda iffy on going to a new group of random people since like no one is wearing masks here and me being immune compromised I'll show up to a group of random strangers all masked up and it'll be really awkward. Was waiting for pandemic stuff to get better to get back to socializing with strangers but who knows when that'll happen. I started going to meetups again last summer/fall since with vaccines it was pretty safe even during Delta, but with Omicron and its variants, right now not super big on risk taking.

Basically just like ready to hang out between waves of pandemic I guess. At least until they make a new vaccine that works against the omicron variants.

[Bebpo]

Been on a lot of downers lately.

Life is hard 

[bork]

I feel you on the mask thing- I often notice that we're the only ones still masking up at a lot of places.  Not going to stop me from doing it, though.

I've spent the past (nearly) month battling food poisoning and then what appears to be a long-lasting bad case of an IBS flare-up following it.  At one point I was sent to the ER.  They didn't find anything bad and neither did a fecal test, but I keep trying stuff to feel better and keep feeling bad, and it has me feeling down at times.  I try stay positive though. 

[Bebpo]

Sorry to hear bork. Food poisoning and IBS fucking suck. Was it from that Peanut Butter recall? I think I got some food poisoning and GI flareup from that for a week or two myself.

[bork]

Sorry to hear bork. Food poisoning and IBS fucking suck. Was it from that Peanut Butter recall? I think I got some food poisoning and GI flareup from that for a week or two myself.

Went on vacation and am pretty sure I got it from some seafood that I had for dinner...on my birthday.  That was a nice present. 

It worries me that this could be something else, but the doctor seemed pretty confident it was all related to food poisoning and said something worse wouldn't just suddenly start happening like this did.  She said for some people this kind of thing can go on for weeks...or months. 

[Bebpo]

It usually won't last that long though.

[chronovore]

Food poisoning on your birthday. That's ROUGH.

[bork]

It usually won't last that long though.

Am at 3+ weeks feeling like this, but I also didn't fully-eat the right foods until just a few days ago after getting a low fodmap diet.  Was told to wait a few weeks to see how everything is going- one more week and then I'm sure I'm headed back to the doctor.

[james]

My friend told me she was extremely depressed and suicidal. She said the only reason she hadnt killed herself was that she was a coward. She said she had nothing to live for.

I suggested she get pregnant to have something to look forward to.

She said she was muting me.

Im not good a this

[chronovore]

Tell her to seek professional help.

[BIONIC]

My friend told me she was extremely depressed and suicidal. She said the only reason she hadnt killed herself was that she was a coward. She said she had nothing to live for.

I suggested she get pregnant to have something to look forward to.

She said she was muting me.

Im not good a this

[james]

Tell her to seek professional help.

I messaged my other friend and that was what she suggested and I went with

[Transhuman]

Tell her to seek professional help.

You mean like IVF?

[Madrun Badrun]

My friend told me she was extremely depressed and suicidal. She said the only reason she hadnt killed herself was that she was a coward. She said she had nothing to live for.

I suggested she get pregnant to have something to look forward to.

She said she was muting me.

Im not good a this

Tell her to seek professional help.

I messaged my other friend and that was what she suggested and I went with

There is not being good at supporting friends in need and then there is actively being unsupportive.  Think edgelord responses fall in the latter category.  If you still want to help, an apology and explaining why you gave the response you did would be more supportive now than telling her to get professional help.   

[james]

My friend told me she was extremely depressed and suicidal. She said the only reason she hadnt killed herself was that she was a coward. She said she had nothing to live for.

I suggested she get pregnant to have something to look forward to.

She said she was muting me.

Im not good a this

Tell her to seek professional help.

I messaged my other friend and that was what she suggested and I went with

There is not being good at supporting friends in need and then there is actively being unsupportive.  Think edgelord responses fall in the latter category.  If you still want to help, an apology and explaining why you gave the response you did would be more supportive now than telling her to get professional help.

To be fair she provided shit support to me when I had my breakup

[Svejk]

It usually won't last that long though.

Am at 3+ weeks feeling like this, but I also didn't fully-eat the right foods until just a few days ago after getting a low fodmap diet.  Was told to wait a few weeks to see how everything is going- one more week and then I'm sure I'm headed back to the doctor.

Dang brother, you still suffering with this?  I'm sorry to hear..  Forget trying doctors, you should try a nutritionist. They'll actually help with a healing diet and not pump you full of cheap, oil based meds like big pappa pharma wants.  And stay off the corbonated drinks...

As for the rest of y'all, since I rarely dabble in the superdeep, I'm sending prayers out to you all and your loved ones.  There will always, always, ALWAYS be something good to look forward to, whether you see it or not...  We have bad/hard times as reminders that there are good times ahead.  May God bless you all!

[Nintex]

It's always darkest before the dawn 

[Tasty]

Shiiiiiiit life is fucking hard lately. I don't even know how to explain here lol.

My job's fucked up, my sister's life is fucked up, we're all in debt to our eyeballs including my parents, I have no control over my finances due to a bad decision from 6 years ago, I put my creative ambitions on indefinite hold, and I'm starting to come unglued being in the middle of every single fucking drama event. My last two days off from work were May 31 and July 4.

Highlight of my day is anxiety-puking in the shower each morning. Yay.

[Bebpo]

Shiiiiiiit life is fucking hard lately. I don't even know how to explain here lol.

My job's fucked up, my sister's life is fucked up, we're all in debt to our eyeballs including my parents, I have no control over my finances due to a bad decision from 6 years ago, I put my creative ambitions on indefinite hold, and I'm starting to come unglued being in the middle of every single fucking drama event. My last two days off from work were May 31 and July 4.

Highlight of my day is anxiety-puking in the shower each morning. Yay.

Hang in there Tasty

[chronovore]

This all sounds horrifying. You are not taking time for yourself. Is there any way you can ease off and take a couple days to yourself?

[Transhuman]

He needs less icky alcohol and more tasty mariguana

[Madrun Badrun]

Depression is inching in again.  I had a bunch of success last year but now that is running out of steam without any new achievements to ride high on. At least I'm at the point in life where I can recognize the issue and try to do something about it but it's so damn hard.  I'm getting some work done and walking into work everyday which is helping but I really need to be excising, eating better, drinking less, and getting more done which feels super overhelming right now.

[Himu]

I've been enrolled in therapy for childhood PTSD and depression. It's been helping. One thing I've been working on is emotional regulation which I lack. I've been seeing a lot of progress, which is really good. Consuming shrooms in microdoses have done wonders for my mental health and I'm doing really good!

Hang in there everybody.

[Tasty]

Really happy to hear that Himu! Bless up

This all sounds horrifying. You are not taking time for yourself. Is there any way you can ease off and take a couple days to yourself?

Missed this post earlier. I was basically banking days and goodwill so I could take this week in Vegas. It's unlikely I'll have much more time off for the rest of the year, but I've achieved some measure of inner peace which I anticipate will get me through this next rough patch.

I can never predict what the next big emergency is, but I usually have a feeling something's coming lol.

[Himu]

One thing I've had trouble with is others believe in me more than I believe in myself. Thanks to the shrooms I've been able to combat that directly. It has been really helpful in turning around negative thought patterns.

Thank you Andy. How often do you have for yourself? You can't keep doing this.

[Nintex]

Good stuff, sounds like you guys can finally pilot my Evangelions 

[Bebpo]

I need to take some time away from everything and re-organize my life. Back to therapy would be good too if I can find a good therapist.

I think I have too much time so spend to much of it getting annoyed by forums and too much time spent thinking about dating & sex & getting old/being too old to relate/connect with anyone anymore, all of which just makes me more and more unhappy. Time to reboot and get away from the internet and find some life stuff that brings a good healthy mindset.

[Bebpo]

Though some of this is out of my hand. Among all my health issues, in the last few months my doctors and I discovered that since Nov 2021 I've been significantly draining Iron from my blood and can't absorb any anymore so my iron tests show me at a critical failure level of almost non-existent iron and iron foods/pills do nothing because I can't absorb it.

I'm working each week on getting iron infusions going to address this and hopefully we get my first iron infusion soon.

But like the side effects of anemic levels of iron are fatigue, irritability, anxiety, depression due to being unable to produce dopamine from lack of iron, frustration, weakness, etc...

And I've been at those levels for almost a year now and been in a pretty shit mood all year with a ton of health issues. So that may be the cause of a lot of stuff. Hopefully when I get iron infusions it'll really change things.

[Himu]

I'm really sorry you're going through all that, Bebpo. Stay strong.

[benjipwns]

https://twitter.com/AbsurdRword/status/1567527924080824320

spoiler (click to show/hide)

https://twitter.com/AbsurdRword/status/1567560176948973568

[close]

[Bebpo]

My anxiety/depression is worse than ever. Doctors/insurance stuff is disgustingly awful and slow in the USA and you can't even get a hold of a live person at my doctors office only leave messages and then get a response at some point. Also like 90% of the time I need one doctor to get something to the other doctor, it takes days for them to do it and then I follow up with the other office and they go "we never got anything" and then I have to go back to the first office and takes days to try again. This happened with getting my prescription for my iron infusion over, will see if they actually got it over tomorrow.

I feel like even if I'm trying to avoid it, I'm stuck with my life on hold because I feel like I need these meds and they'll fix a lot of stuff. So each day it's like I try to call a doctor office and move this thing along one step and until I hear back, I feel depressed and anxious and can't do anything with my day. At the slow speed this stuff can go it might take another week or so, so I need to get my shit together even if I'm kinda dizzy and fatigued and depressed and anxious and stressed and still do something and be somewhat functional.

And in the middle of all this, today my elderly mom faceplanted head first into the ground while taking out the trash bin and ended up in the ER and needed stitches. That was scary and further spiked anxiety. Luckily they said she didn't have a concussion or anything and just needed a few stitches on her nose. I'm still a little nervous because they didn't run a CT scan. They asked her a bunch of questions and kept her for a while and she didn't show any mental issues and didn't blackout and they didn't feel it was necessary. But you hear these stories about people who hit their head and seem totally fine and then die a few days later from a brain bleed, so I really think the ER should've done a CT scan for an elderly person hitting their head on the ground hard enough to need nose stitches. But my parents don't want to push it and it wasn't a shitty hospital and was a pretty decent respectable one so will just have to hope for the best. Either way will need to help her out and keep an eye on her for a few days.

She also got her new covid booster this afternoon, so when I first heard she fell I thought it was like she had a reaction and fainted, but she said it had nothing to do with the booster and any side effects haven't even kicked in yet and she just got dragged by a heavy trash bin that started rolling and lost her balance and fell. So now she gets to recover from face injuries and stitches and deal with covid booster side effects fevers and stuff at the same time tonight and tomorrow.   

Anyhow, it's a lot of shit at once, and not doing well. Also still dealing with pretty moderate chronic pain. Lotta napping and watching porn basically which is what I do when I'm depressed.

[Himu]

Despite the depression and anxiety I want you to try to take charge of ownership of what YOU can do in a seemingly hopeless situation bebpo. Love you and you're too great s guy to read this. Have you been active lately at all? Even if it's one thing a day, like doing the dishes or taking a shower, consider it a victory if you managed to do it.

Can you go for a walk despite the chronic pain? If you can get a walk despite the fact there are many factors outside of your control you can hopefully get a sense of empowerment again. Not a guarantee but it's something to be hopeful for. Stay positive.

I've added you to my prayer list.

I know I will sound like a puritan here but try to curb the porn use. Porn really does damage on the psyche and a man's sense of self and it can't possibly be helping your self esteem. If you can try to downgrade to softcore porn or use it less frequently throughout the week. Just try to limit your use. It doesn't help depression - it feeds off of and sometimes even causes it.

[Himu]

Any updates on mom, Bebpo?

So my Potential mentioned a book called Non violent communication. I bought it. So far there things I disagree with but it gives me an inkling of others thoughts and how I can better communicate with others so I'm not as abrasive.

[Bebpo]

She's ok, just recovering from the injuries. Doesn't seem like she's having any reactions to latest covid booster on top of it, which is good. Still slightly concerned they didn't do a CT scan, but not too worried about it.

I got my iron prescription order from one doc to the other, so step 1 is complete and now it's just going through the whole insurance authorization thing. If there's no issue then hopefully I can schedule the infusion soon.

As for walking like you suggested, I usually walk a lot daily but due to the 100F+ heatwave for 10 days straight haven't been walking. It's finally gonna rain and cool down here today so tomorrow may be able to get back to walking.

[Himu]

My suggestion as a fellow person living in a hot area is to work out early. As in, during the morning. This has multiple benefits:

1.starts your day with a routine
2. Gives you a reason besides work to get up
3. Gets you outside regularly
4. Gives you a reason to sleep early
5. Gives energy for the rest of the day

Try to get out around 6-7 am or so. Works wonders.

Glad Mama Bebpo is okay.

[Himu]

I offered dua for you at the mosque today, Bebpo.

[james]

Too much of me wishes Putin would set off a few nukes so I could feel